It is not true that men don’t love mini-vans. Someone needs to straighten out the record. We fear what mini-vans represent, toting kids hither and yon, the words, “Are we there yet,” and “I have to go to the bathroom.” (and our impending death).
Mini-vans save the backs of millions of men annually. Those cute little cherubs fit tightly, snuggly and comfy in SUV’s at the loss of our ability to move our torso or even sit upright, our current version of lifting a calf over our heads until it becomes a cow.
It is true that men approaching middle-age prefer not to be caught either riding or driving a van. This response makes good sense; not because of mid-life crises, but because our bodies require more vertebral support. We need the space and the view.
It’s definitely not because we’re worried about being seen by younger woman who might think we’re in our dotage or not desirable as sexual partners, regardless of that niggling reminder in the back of our minds that yes, indeed, we are still married.
We don’t hide, shrinking down into the seat, lower, lower, lower, every time nubile, fresh face drives by our van stuffed with children, gear, crying children, yelling wives, yelling children, fighting children. It’s not like we’re doing the mental equivalent of sucking in our stomach. These things do not cross our minds at all.
We owe our very ability to stand upright to the person who engineered the first mini-van. A little research shows that van-type cars like the German “Schnellnaster,” (I kid you not.) and the VW bus set the stage for vans from Peugeot, Renault and Chrysler. Neither German, nor French males whined about the loss of their virility and manliness from perching in a van.
Mini-Vans make great cars to haul stuff in. In our 2007 Toyota Sienna (Only 67,000 miles thank you) all you have to do is take out the car seats and boosters, remove the two rear seats, fold down the two back seats into the cargo area and move up the two front seats, lift and remove the center console and hide/move the belts to the side. Nothing to it.
Plenty of room to haul important stuff in that space of 148 cubic feet—as long as you don’t overstress the shocks of course and don’t overheat the brakes on long downhill runs and actually figure in a driver and passengers as needed.
While we’re at it, don’t forget to pull all the mats and dump the two pounds of dirt, candy, tissues and toys onto the driveway. Lightens up that load you know. We can tow 3,500 pounds supposedly without leaving any bumpers lying on the ground.
While Ford, Chevy, Toyota et al… aren’t exactly sweating the competition, my point is that many males from mid-30’s up, have purchased and use mini-vans. We are the enlightened males, strong—yet sensitive, macho—yet kind and loving, who drive these vans now.
Bring on those play dates, away games, traveling teams, doctors appointments, yard work, shopping and let’s rev up those mini-vans.
We men are up to the challenge.