Sofa So Good
My first mistake was putting my hands down between the pillows as I helped my wife rearrange the house for a dinner we were hosting. I’m pretty sure something moved while I reconnoitered the nooks and crannies of our living room sofa.
There was enough dirt, dog hair (HOW? Dog not allowed on sofa.) pencils, pens, crayons and raisins (G-d I hope that was a raisin.) to fill a garbage bag. If you’re missing Lego pieces, I now direct you to your living room or downstairs sofa.
You’ll hit the jackpot, I’m sure. I scored 49 cents myself, a good payday for a massage therapist.
Instead of asking my children if they wanted any of these items, or making them pick them up, two rookie mistakes for sure, I swept the detritus together into several working piles and eventually dumped them into the waste bin.
I saved four working markers, three pens and lots of pencils. I had no idea what Lego I had, however, I dutifully or dadifully set them aside for further distribution and re-hiding throughout the house. I’d love to know how many kids actually keep their Lego’s in the right box anyway?
Did I mention the fake glitter and those fake plastic gems I found down below in Never Never Land? I thought I had tapped into a Gringot’s vault. The trouble with these things is that many of them prefer to stay glued to your sock, feet or clothes in general. And yet, as many pieces of crap there were on the floor, my children did not seem to see them at all. They certainly didn’t step on them!
That was their father’s job as he walked around in his stockinged feet, magically attaching all the dirt on the floor to his socks.
I take out the vacuum, attach the special nozzle and promptly clog it with dust and dirt. I shake, remove the bag, insert a new bag and continue. It goes on like that for about 15 minutes.
Finally, all the furniture is switched from the living room to the dining room and vice-versa. There are no more flowers growing from the sofa, we have plenty of pens and pencils, cleaned and sharpened for use during the school year. I added a life vest under the seat though, just in case I missed something, set a mousetrap and sprayed for insects. I think we’re safe…..for a week or so.
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Too Many Trophies
“O.K. Guys. C’mon back. C’mon back. Bring it back, o.k., o.k., a little more and stop. Park it right there. All right kids. Go up to your rooms and start bringing those trophies down.
Start with the one’s for learning how to go to the bathroom, putting the seat up and putting the seat down.
Take all those school trophies and medallions for sitting quietly and eating your lunch and load them up. Here, I’ll help you. Just fill up the wheelbarrow.
I’ve hired a team of movers to come in and help with all the soccer, basketball, camp, football, gymnastics and random trophies, plaques, certificates and again, medallions that you received for playing, maybe winning, maybe not winning and/or surviving some harrowing experience like learning to dribble a ball with one hand.”
I thought I was the one who was “Loony Tunes,” for wanting to throw away all those “participation,” trophies. Here we’re telling kids it doesn’t matter if you win; it’s just that you tried. It’s good thinking to manage expectations vis-à-vis winning and losing. There’s just one glitch.
The kids aren’t buying it. They love keeping score. They do it whether we tell them not to. And it’s awfully hard to keep that charade going when you may be a super fan yourself. “Go _________(Insert Team/Sport) here.” They love trophies and recognition too.
I’m pretty sure that they don’t buy into a trophy for everything. We know they don’t because they don’t even know when they’re missing. Not that we go into their rooms at night or when they aren’t home or into their toy bins, and throw away enough trophies to build a car. NOooooo. Parents never do things like that to their kids.
We need to recognize our children’s accomplishments—appropriately. Congratulate them on a good grade, good game, doing a good job on their chores. Effusive fussing and helicopter parenting weaken rather than strengthen our children.
It stinks to lose. We know. Perhaps we shouldn’t try to protect our children from reality, but should temper winning and losing, so that everyone wins.