Sleep always seems to come most easily to those in great fatigue in every place and space of being. All of our “bodies” – physical, spiritual, emotional, mental – are finally depleted. It so appears that only at this very moment, when we have nothing left to give and are completely “fried,” that we just might be able to rest… and rest well. Yet, this often is not the case. Most nurturers don’t experience really great slumber. Restless or chronically overtired, it is with great uncertainty that we reach out to the blissful edge of sweet surrender.
Seemingly, a nurturer “should” be spent enough that sleep comes with great ease. Yet, shutting your eyes for more than a blink means letting go; it means absolving yourself of all responsibility if only for (gasp) 5 or 6 hours. The act of sleep encourages great vulnerability. Since we are women, this may appear to be our natural state. After all, we share our highs and lows without thought and willingly put up our feet into the stirrups of a gynecologists office at least once a year. We also gladly and fiercely commit to others, be it spouse, child, parent or friend. On the outside, it looks like we welcome anything and everything. We don’t.
Letting go, surrendering, is a challenge. And in the grand chaos of living life, we believe that sleep should be the one thing that comes with complete certainty. For most of us, it doesn’t. As a culture, American Women know not how to disengage or disconnect. As we walk in a state of perpetual doing, there is an absence of presence or vulnerability until we have no other choice. While there may be times of sheer human exhaustion when sleep does come easily – moments when it is absolutely impossible to do anything other than just be – this is not the norm. But it should be.
The sweet surrender of sleep is without price attached. Greater expense is incurred when YOU have not nourished YOU. It’s time to end harmful ways – the list-making and unobtainable expectations, the constant physical movement – to best fall into a state where all “bodies” are disengaged from the doing and can move into being… into the sleeping. It’s time to surrender to vulnerability and find the sweetness of sleep.
Affirmation/Mantra: Repeat these words, from Dr. Brene Brown, as you move towards slumber – “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” Remember, you need not be sitting still as you do so. Mantras can be spoken internally anywhere… while those dishes finally get done, your teeth are being brushed, or even as you snuggle yourself – or some sweet little person – to sleep.
Food as Medicine: Try adding a quarter cup of pepitas (raw pumpkin seeds) to your diet. Serotonin – a feel-good hormone that induces sleep – is found in these. Note that it is the regulatory effect you will benefit from… pepitas are not a sedative. If you are unable to eat nuts or seeds, blueberries – a cortisol-reducing food – can lower your stress levels, also aiding in a better nights rest. Blueberry bonuses: 1 cup has less than 100 calories and reduction of cortisol can result in a reduction of abdominal fat as well.
Yogic Wellness: In a state of perpetual doing, there is no rest for mind or spirit; hence the body won’t find rest either. Some of the most common reasons for sleeplessness or fatigue sit within your gut, belly, or core. Hormonal fluctuations in women can trigger difficulties in sleep or increase sleepiness during the day.
During childbearing years, a posture such as Supta Badha Konasanacan alleviate tension and dis-ease within the pelvis – your storage center. Lying flat on a comfortable, solid surface, bring the soles of your feet together. Use props as needed to make this a restful pose. Suggested props include blankets and pillows to embrace or hold your knees at an easy level and a folded blanket or towel to support from beneath your shoulder blades to the space behind your neck.
Women entering, in and around menopause have different yet similar needs. Beyond Goddess Posture (above), try Warrior Pose I or II. In Warrior I, you’ll begin in a high lunge: front knee bent over ankle, back toes angling in toward the body, heel firmly on your mat, and arms raised straight overheard. Move into Warrior II by expanding your arms away from your body, front arm and gaze reaching forward over your toes and back arm reaching out and over your back leg. Firm your inner thighs. For added receptivity (read vulnerability), bring your palms so that they face the sky. Note, all women can benefit from the Warrior’s feel-good burn.
Living Yoga with Children: Children are the best sleep-disrupters known to man. When they haven’t trekked into your room with a real or feigned need, you sit in wait, anticipating that one might come. If you aren’t on your toes, you believe that you will fail them.
You won’t. Face the unknown… happily. Imagine that your children have no expectations from you other than to be loved unconditionally. So, love them unconditionally. With younger beings invite them into a nightly ritual that will bring both of you greater ease. This might be a simple song (in our house we sing, “I am peace, you are peace, we are peace… and end with a bumble bee breath HUM or a beautiful OM), coloring a picture or Mandala (these can be printed for free from many websites), or an evening prayer. If your children are older and perhaps living outside of the house, set time aside each night to send them love, light and perfect happiness. You may want to rest with the mantra, “May you be happy.” Whatever you choose to do, know that it will strengthen your bond, brighten your evening, and heighten your ability to disengage from all that does not serve your body, mind and spirit allowing sleep to come with greater ease.
Sharing Yogic-Life: As a vulnerable being, you have – at some point in time, now or in the past – overcommitted. Take time in the morning to make a your “doing” list. This list should be everything that you expect of yourself on a given day. Pause and breathe. Then, on a separate piece of paper create your “being” list. Write down everything from the first list that involves you being a passionate and loving being. Surrender to eliminating at least one item from your doing list that does not allow you to be. For example, tonight may not be the night you’ll get to do those dishes, but you will get to be the best version of yourself. All those around you will benefit more from you being you, than you doing those dishes.
Know that experiencing sweet surrender, a.k.a. sleep, should never be stress-inducing. Your expectation of busier equals better doesn’t apply to anything, including enjoying true rest. Concede instead to removing some (or much) of what prevents you from being vulnerable and present. Engage with the thoughts, mantras and actions that bring you greater life joy. Commit to nourishing YOU.
Jennifer Magnano is a late-twenties mama inspired by the lifelong process of nurturing self and others. Moved by mothers’ decades older than herself seeking whole-self health both on and off the mat, she deeply understands the manifestation of struggles and pain physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Here to change the world – if only by the smile on her face – she is Founder and Director of Mamoga Wellness, LLC, a passionate Certified Mama Yogi, Mindful Mothers Coach, Reiki Practitioner, and in training to be a Hypnobirthing Instructor. Jennifer shares life with her supportive husband and their wild little survivor, Ryker – the co-founder of Mamoga. Learn more about their story, and join them in living everything by visiting www.bekindandunwind.com