You know what I HATE the most? I hate hate. And, I REALLY hate it when my children say they hate something. In fact, I hate it so much that I hate to even write this.
I hate it when people say, “Don’t you hate it when….” I hate that there is hate in the world that causes me to have to write about hate to help people see why it doesn’t even make sense to hate anything. OK. Enough. Blech! I think you get the point.
Here’s what has me riled up:
The other day, my 8th grade daughter was getting herself ready for school. I’m proud of her because, until now, I’d have to get up early to make sure she’s out of bed in time.
But so far (it’s only the first week), she’s up and mostly good-to-go before my alarm even goes off. Then I get up, help her curl (or straighten) the back of her hair, and make breakfast and lunch. This emerging morning ritual reminds me of when I was growing up and my mom and I would visit before work and school – I loved those mother-daughter moments.
This one morning, my daughter and I were discussing her new class schedule and she shared that she’s dreading science this year, groaning about Earth Science, clouds, sun, rocks, dirt, etc. blaaahhh. I was slightly disappointed because this was one of my favorite classes – it fascinates me to see how our planet was formed, how it has changed and is constantly changing. But that’s just me, and oh well, she doesn’t share the interest. In fact, she went on to say she hates it, and she also hates doing this fancy note-taking task called “fold-ables.”
OUCH! I cringed. It wasn’t so much the “what” that she hates as it was the degree of her disgust that disturbed me. Her negative energy about it almost knocked me over. And when I attempted to bring about an alternate way of thinking, I was met with major resistance.
This is HIGHLY unusual for my daughter. She is remarkably positive and forward-thinking for a teenager. She is excellent at helping her friends see things in a brighter light. So to have this wave of darkness ripple from her was slightly alarming.
I let it go for the moment and focused on the enjoyment of helping with her hair (straightening it this time.) When we were finished, I sat down next to her and invited her to find ONE thing that she could like and appreciate about this class. She said, “OH, I like the teacher.” I said no, not the teacher – about the class itself. She half-smiled and said, “I’ll try.” That’s the second thing I hate most, but that’s a different blog post.
Granted, we all have our moments when frustration and circumstances get the better of us. Trust me, I’m far from perfect. I’ll get that tone in my voice or look in my eye that does not convey positivity. However, I “try” to avoid “hate” and I “tried” to explain all this to my daughter.
I said, “Sweetheart, hate does no one any good whatsoever. Even seeing the word in writing is enough to plunge one’s energy and enthusiasm for life. It literally drags people down.” (You’re probably feeling a bit grungy even reading this blog. I know I am while writing it!)
I shared with her that scientific research shows the words we think and say affect the chemicals in our bodies, biologically and physiologically. (Check out the video of water crystal research by Dr. Masaru Emoto sometime.)
We discussed that sure, life is full of disappointments, things don’t happen the way we would prefer, and there will be reasons to be upset, some legitimate and some not so much. We can’t always be happy, or we wouldn’t appreciate the times we really are – isn’t that what they say? But, there’s no reason to stay “stuck” in that displeasure, that “hate,” because it blocks our brains from the ability to see alternatives. That is why when I asked my daughter to think of one thing she likes about the class. She couldn’t.
So, let’s turn things around, shall we, I suggested? Let’s make a choice to focus on LOVE instead. Not necessarily the romantic, passionate kind of love (although that’s ok, too – except when you’re a teenager – eh-hem!) But, imagine what you love about life, things that bring you joy, what makes you feel happy, memories that bring you a smile, plans that make you feel excited. Laughter, fun, beauty, silliness, freshness, newness, lightness, comfort, peace, relaxation – things that bring you a sense of awe. Doesn’t that feel so much better already? It’s easier to be creative and productive in *this* state of being than the other (we won’t even say the word!) She smiled a little bit bigger now. Phew!
We did have another conversation about the science class later in the week, when the “xxxx” wasn’t so fresh on her mind. We were able to come up with another option to the “fold-ables” that’ll be acceptable for her teacher. And, all is well once again.
Thanks to science, she learned a good life lesson about keeping her positive attitude.
And, that’s one of the things I LOVE the most!