Gender Roles in Stepfamilies: How Traditional Thinking Sets You Up to Fail

Trisha Ladogna and Rachel Ruby

stepfamilies and gender rolesNo matter where you fall on the feminist continuum, there is no denying traditional gender roles exist. We all know them. Men go to work and are breadwinners. Women stay at home and are caretakers.

What you may not know is that these types of gender roles wreak havoc on stepfamilies. They also set stepmothers up to fail. And, believe it or not, we all have a role to play in setting the trap.

Your Partner’s Role

Following divorce, separation or death, children and their dads transition and adjust to living together on their own. Many times this can mean a father taking on tasks that he didn’t previously do – like picking his children up from school or organizing play dates.

Most children find that they enjoy this time with their dad. In fact, Sarah Allen PhD, and Kerry Daly, PhD, found in their research study titled “The Effects of Father Involvement,” that both children and fathers do better when dads are actively involved in their children’s lives. […]

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The Mother’s Day Predicament for Stepmothers

Trisha Ladogna and Rachel Ruby

Stepping Through Girl-with-No-Entry-SignModern-day Mother’s Day celebrations are an opportunity to pay tribute to our mothers and thank them for all their love and support. For stepfamilies, this day of appreciation of mothers and mother-figures can raise a whole lot of something – not all of it always good!

For many reasons, it can be difficult for children, even those with the most amicable of co-parents, to celebrate both their parents and stepparents on Mother’s/Father’s Day. Mother’s Day can highlight the most intractable problems between moms and stepmoms and leave children feeling like they are fighting the ‘Battle Royale’ of internal battles out in public for their whole world to see.

As a stepmother, being ignored by your stepchildren on Mother’s Day – well, it sucks. More so, if you have been in the picture for a long time and you do a lot of parent-like things for your stepchild. Putting yourself in your stepchild’s shoes and looking at the situation from their perspective might help take the sting out of being overlooked or ignored on Mother’s Day. While considering things from the child’s point of view, you might also find that their response towards you on Mother’s Day actually has little to do with you as a person or as a stepmom, but more about their own feelings and struggles. […]

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