single motherhood Archives - Mothering in the Middle

Addressing (My) Parenthood Guilt

by Lynn Reilly

Parent’s guilt. I’m not even sure when it officially begins, but it could be as early as when first looking into your child’s eyes and knowing that life will never be the same. That moment when imagining what it was going to be like to hold the responsibility of caring for someone else. The “shoulds” begin almost immediately with the thought of how we want things to be.

I “should” be with my child as much as humanly possible.

I “should” give them every opportunity to be independent yet fully set them up to depend on me for just about everything.

I “should” let go of all my personal needs and become Super Human to make sure my child gets whatever they need both physically and emotionally.

Something like that.

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Waiting for the Weekend

by Andrea Lynn

When I picked my 3-year-old from preschool Friday, she greeted me with a happy shout of “It’s the weekend!” And proceeded to pull me over to the school calendar on the wall, point to the Saturday, and repeat: “It’s the weekend.” She was delighted.

I’m a little discouraged that my 3 year old already looks forward to the weekend. God knows I do too – but she’s only started school three weeks ago. Is that how long it takes to resent the day-to-day grind of a Monday-to-Friday schedule? Three weeks? And to think she has just 15 or 20 years of school to go, before she can hopefully find a full-time job. Another 60 some years of looking forward to Friday night. […]

The Childcare Dilemma

Andrea Lynn

The one clear benefit of being late to motherhood is that many of my friends have older children, and I have a glimpse of the future.

This week is March Break here – the kids out of school and the parents on vacation or scrambling for childcare. The morning subway was emptier than usual all week so it was a bit of a surprise to run into a friend on the dawn run downtown. She was heading to the gym before work, I was on the early shift. And her two girls? Edging into their teens, they had March-break jobs – providing before-and-after care at a dance camp for kids. Instead of having to find someone – a camp, a babysitter, a grandparent, a neighbour – to watch her girls during the week’s break from school, my friend for the first time could just relax and go to work, unhassled by the relentless school calendar, with its PA Days and Snow Days, holiday and vacation weeks, early dismissals and shortened weeks. […]

Rose-Colored Parenting

by Andrea Lynn

My 4-year-old and I took a trip down memory lane last month. My memory lane, that is, since we were visiting the city of her birth, which we left when she was 15 months old, and of course she has no recollection. […]

It Finally Happened

by Andrea Lynn

It finally happened. Claire, 3, got the daddy question. As in, “Why don’t you have a daddy?” Though, to be completely accurate, the 4-year-old friend who was over for a playdate phrased it less aggressively, as: “I have a mommy and a daddy.” Pause. Wait for response. I was in the kitchen with my daughter and her curious friend, who we know quite well. Without appearing interested in their conversation, I was waiting for Claire’s response as well. And it was a good one. “I have a mommy,” she said, quite simply. The friend tried again. “I have both. You don’t have a daddy.” Claire thought about this. “I have a sister,” she replied. Score! A perfect response. I was so proud. […]

Just Grateful to be Here

Andrea Lynn

Almost by definition, women who decide to pursue motherhood while single – single mothers by choice – are nearly always midlife mothers. For most of us, it took a few years of being busy, getting an education, finding a career, excelling, traveling, reading, hiking, having a great life, before we started to think about whether the next step – marriage and children – was going to happen. And a few more years to worry that it wasn’t happening. And maybe a year or two to realize it wasn’t going to happen. And then, surprised that we had gotten so old, we decided that just because the marriage part wasn’t going to happen didn’t mean we couldn’t be mothers. Add a year or two of fertility treatments or adoption waiting lists, and presto, single mothers by choice find themselves to be…midlife mothers. […]