Phyllis Goldberg Ph.D. Archives - Mothering in the Middle

How “Awe” Trumps Awful During Summer

by Rosemary Lichtman Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg Ph.D.

Visiting the Grand Canyon may be one of the most “awe-full” places on earth. The sense of grandeur that radiates there during the day is nearly matched by the millions of stars that light up the otherwise black nights. It can provide a respite from truly awful news in the world.

But, amidst any stress you may be facing, are you looking for other, easier ways to center yourself and regain your equilibrium? Stuck home during the summer, but still need fun and relief?

Here are 5 easy things you can turn to when seeking serenity:

Nature. If you can’t squeeze in a quick trip to the Grand Canyon or another National Park, check out your local sunrise or sunset. These scenes can be spectacular this time of year and the quiet is settling. Leaves changing color provide a backdrop of scarlet beauty with a hint of the soundless carpet of snow coming soon. The rhythm of the ocean or starkness of the desert provides its own sense of wonder. […]

Three Tips for Choosing Resilience

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

To one degree or another, we’ve all suffered adversity and experienced setbacks. But have you heard about post-traumatic growth? You know, it’s always possible to bounce back.

Whether you’re hit in the face with a crisis or making a slow transition to the next chapter, expect a cascade of emotions–anxiety, the desire to hold on, fear, maybe even a sense of freedom. If you step back, take a deep breath and face the situation squarely, you can’t help but grow from the challenges:

Look into your part. You have a choice about how to see your situation at this moment and what attitude you want to assume. Try not to be a victim or feel helpless. And no matter who initiated what happened, don’t focus on accusation and blame. You can’t control others but you can change yourself. To work toward a more positive outcome, take whatever responsibility is yours and figure out what you need to do next. http://hermentorcenter.com/resources/building-resilience/new-normal-after-separation/

Look at yourself. Put on your detective hat and examine your present circumstances. Is the increase in stress due to finances, work, family or other relationships? Your reaction to problems can be compounded by events that are outside of your control. http://hermentorcenter.com/resources/building-resilience/earthquake-tsunami-meltdown/ Take charge of what is within your reach. And begin to assess how to improve your competency in areas such as management, communication, delegation or conflict resolution. Track the changes you’re working on as you integrate them into your emotional toolbox.

Look for an action plan. Explore the cause and effects of the issues you’re confronting. Whether it’s about the end of your marriage, the loss of a job or the death of a loved one, http://hermentorcenter.com/resources/building-resilience/rochette-courage-despite-loss/ set some long range […]

For Father’s Day: Building Meaningful Relationships Through Communication

Phyllis Goldberg Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman Ph.D.

It’s easy to buy into the commercialism of Father’s Day. You may wonder if expensive ties or tools will bring you closer, only to realize you want honest conversations with your dad. Perhaps you don’t want only emails from your brother or texts from your son. If you’re ready for more openness with the men in your life, why not start with your partner?

According to research on the effectiveness of marital therapy, communication is one of the most commonly reported and difficult problem to manage. Discrepancies in how men and women talk can lead to further conflict as partners begin to focus blame on each other, themselves or the quality of their relationship. […]

How to Create More Intimacy With Your Valentine

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D., and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

February is perfect for cuddling, with the cold weather and longer nights. No wonder it’s known as the month for romance. But does caring for your growing children make you too tired to bring Cupid back into your intimate relationship?

Lucy was on the fast track at work and active in her family, having three children and parents who were declining. Her interest in romance was waning and she was devastated by changes in her body and her psyche. “I have totally lost my libido and I feel as dry as the Sahara desert. In the past, I had been happily led around by my active sex drive – it has been my life force for so long. Now, I have lost my ballast and my identity. I want to have those feelings again.” […]

10 Tips for Coping With January Blues

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

Feeling down in the dumps now that the holidays are over? If you’re hoping for something uplifting on these dreary days and cold nights, you’re not alone. T.S. Eliot, in The Waste Land, said, “April is the cruelest month.”

But studies have found that for the majority of Americans, January is the most depressing month of the year. […]

5 Steps to Gratitude Despite a Tough Economy

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

Even with harsh economic news and the jobless rates still up, we can still find a lot to be grateful about, especially during the holidays. Families and friends traditionally draw together for support in times of crisis and this year is no different.

The gift of appreciation – a heartfelt thank you – can be a daily present this holiday season for those you love. And the cost won’t cut into your tight budget at all.

Why, then, is it so difficult to say thanks? We are often focused on ourselves – Galileo may have proved that the earth revolved around the sun but most of us secretly believe that the world itself revolves around us. It is sometimes hard to pull out of that orbit and become more aware of the contributions of others. And we all tend to take good things for granted.

Humans instinctively pay more attention to threats to their safety than they do to situations of security and pleasure. We are less likely to notice supportive behaviors so positive acts are often ignored. […]

How to Inventory Your Personal Assets for 2015

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

Have you ever noticed how, at this time of year, there are lists and lists circulating? You can find a list of the 20 best films of 2014, the 10 worst dressed people, the 50 most interesting books. In addition to spending some of your spare time reading through these lists, how about taking some personal time to create your own list – of your 10 most important assets?

It may seem unusual for you, a midlife mother, to concentrate on yourself instead of on the needs of the family around you, but allow yourself to focus on and embrace your own development at this pivotal time.

Creating your asset inventory will give you a leg up on beginning 2015 from a position of power, but how do you begin? […]

Ten Tips for Keeping Peace in the Family during the Holidays

By Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

Media images of the holidays are often exaggerated and, before you know it, you’re trying to conform to unrealistic ideals. Combined with the added pressures and demands on your time, this can lead to overload. Just remember that nothing is perfect.

Now that the holiday season is swiftly approaching, you may be wondering if your dysfunctional family dynamics will surface as soon as you get together. Are you worried that your mother’s inquisitive nature will scare off the first girlfriend your son’s had in years? Or that your mother-in-law will think less of you because you didn’t ask her to bring the dessert? […]

7 Tips – National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

Courtesy of healthpicture.com

For over 25 years, October has been designated National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. You’ll find races to run that raise funds for research. Stores will be selling everything from mixmasters to ipods in pink.

In fact, pink ribbons will be virtually everywhere. What does this focus on early detection and recovery mean to you?

If you are over 40, have regular screening mammograms and perform monthly breast self-exams. And see your physician for an annual breast exam and consultation about risk factors and additional diagnostic steps to take, such as MRI. With early detection, most breast cancers now can be successfully treated.

There are between 2 and 3 million American women living today who have survived breast cancer and are thriving. Yet, as many survivors have learned, the process of coping with any serious illness can take its toll – emotionally and physically. […]

How to Make a Good Marriage Better

by Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

You know what they say if something is moving along without any major hurdles – ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.’ But your marriage may not yet have reached its full potential. Believe it or not, you can change boring routines and improve your relationship.

According to the field of interpersonal neurobiology, our brains are constantly changing. And that is impacted by how we interact daily. Loving relationships can alter the brain circuits that shape memories and emotions. […]