Peg O'Neill Archives - Mothering in the Middle

On Failure, Forgiveness and Cutting Ourselves Some Slack

by Peg O'Neill, M.D.

Dear Reader: This is a reprint of a previous post.

We forgot about “Gotcha Day.” In the world of adoptive families, this is a significant faux-pas. “Gotcha Day” is the celebration of bringing a non-biologic child into the family. For us, it commemorates the day our family became whole; the day that my husband and I were given the gift of our precious child and entered the challenging world of raising multiple boys, with all the craziness, motion, joy and exhaustion.

For my older son, it was the day he became a sibling and began his journey as a big brother. For my adoptive son, though he was just six months old when he joined our family forever, it is akin to a birthday – a momentous event, a beginning, a symbol of who he is, at least in part. […]

The “N” Word

by Peg O'Neill, M.D.

“Mom, that kid just called Joey a nigger!” Jimmy, my fair-haired eleven year-old, his face flushed with anger, stood before me on the elementary school playground, trying to process the insult that had just been hurled at his darker-skinned younger brother. “I was going to fight him, but I decided to come and tell you.” […]

Lessons and Carols

by Peg O'Neill, M.D.

Thanksgiving
For each new morning with its light,

For rest and shelter of the night,

For health and food,

For love and friends,

For everything thy goodness sends.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 – 1882)

Leave it to a seemingly-clueless sixth-grade boy, who still needs to be reminded of some of the basic principles of functioning in life, such as the importance of brushing one’s teeth before leaving the house in the morning, or using something other than one’s shirt to wipe one’s mouth, to come home enthusiastically sharing the wisdom of his newly-discovered gift of an old poem, which pretty much sums up what is truly important, a flurry of words so crystal clear in simplicity and truth, reminding us of what really matters. […]

Full Circle

by Peg O'Neil, M.D.

“I can do it myself!” says my six-year-old, as he swings his leg up the high bottom branch of the cherry tree in our front yard. I have just given him a barely perceptible, gentle nudge to help him get where he wants to be, but it’s clear that he doesn’t want this. I need to back off. What he really wants at this point is for me to be there, to cheer him on and observe his triumph. […]

The Journey to Bitch and Back

by Peg O'Neill, M.D.

Mother’s Day was a little different for me this year. During my past decade-plus of Mother’s Days, my general approach, similar to that of many of us who wear these shoes, has been that this is a day for my children and husband to appreciate me. But this year, I decided that I needed to mix it up a little bit. […]

On Failure, Forgiveness and Cutting Ourselves Some Slack

by Peg O'Neill, M.D.

We forgot about “Gotcha Day.” In the world of adoptive families, this is a significant faux-pas. “Gotcha Day” is the celebration of bringing a non-biologic child into the family. For us, it commemorates the day our family became whole; the day that my husband and I were given the gift of our precious child and entered the challenging world of raising multiple boys, with all the craziness, motion, joy and exhaustion. For my older son, it was the day he became a sibling and began his journey as a big brother. For my adoptive son, though he was just six months old when he joined our family forever, it is akin to a birthday – a momentous event, a beginning, a symbol of who he is, at least in part. Over the past six years, we have commemorated “Gotcha Day” with story-telling about how we prayed for him to become part of our family, how we came to know him, and the details of how he joined our family, including how good he was on the plane coming back from Guatemala. We look at pictures, ooh and aah over how cute and funny he was. We go out to dinner at his favorite restaurant, a mediocre pasta joint near our house. […]

Paying It Forward

by Peg O'Neill

Motherhood costs us. There’s no question about it. Parenthood requires sacrifice – not only financial, but also physical, emotional and in many other realms. For “older” mothers, this may be particularly true. The harmonic convergence of mid-life and raising young children creates numerous opportunities for growth, but also many challenges. Of course, most of us would agree that whatever the price, our kids are worth it. Whatever we pay in terms of lost sleep, delayed retirement, worry over aging parents while still raising our own families, and other costs, our lives are enriched in countless, priceless ways by our children. […]

Unexpected Gifts

by Peg O'Neill, M.D.

As always, it’s hard to believe that we’ve arrived so quickly at the end of the year, the season of giving thanks for what we’ve received, of giving to others and of reflecting on where we’ve been and where we’re going […]

Sweet Dreams at Daylight Savings Time

by Peg O'Neill, M.D.

Sleep is a hot topic in my world.

As a pediatrician, I spend a good part of my time talking to people about it; whether I am helping parents of newborns hang in there during those early sleep-deprived days, or talking to teenagers about why it’s so important to get as much shuteye as possible, whether it’s a well visit or a sick visit, the subject of sleep is usually lurking somewhere in the conversation about staying physically and emotionally healthy. The importance of good sleep is a constant across all age categories. The more you sleep the better. The less you sleep, the more likely you are to feel crummy, whether you are a sleep-deprived fussy infant or a cranky toddler who needs a nap, or an ornery, stressed adolescent who doesn’t get to bed early enough. If you are sleep deprived, whether you are a kid or a parent, you are more likely to be crabby. If you are sleep deprived, you are more vulnerable to illness. There are studies which back this up. The less you sleep, the lousier you feel, in general. And the more you sleep, the better you feel. […]

Time to Get Moving

by Peg O'Neill

I love autumn: the cool and clean of the air, the turning of the leaves, the pumpkins, the mums, the start of the school year, with new shiny notebooks and clean backpacks and the opportunity to get up every morning and pack lunches for school…obviously, I’m kidding about this last one, but everything else is true. Autumn is also the time where a lot of mothers get their groove back with respect to exercising. Over the past few weeks, I have heard numerous moms on the playground after school or who are bringing their kids into my office for check-ups, talk about their own plans for exercise this fall. […]