new older fathers Archives - Mothering in the Middle

Older Parenting

by Marc Parsont

Becoming an older parent, while gratifying, is downright scary. We married when I turned 45 years old, and she was not. Like any G-d fearing, country-loving man, I married a younger woman – an intelligent, loving woman who wanted children, with me no less.

We were fortunate. While having children wasn’t easy, it wasn’t impossible. We faced difficulties, tragedies that tested our love, and had two lovely children thirteen months apart.

I do not write of our success to make you feel jealous, unhappy or sad or awful. I am writing to tell you of the fear I have right now about being an older parent, while writing to you from the emergency room of our local hospital. […]

The Bridge Years

by Austin Wimberly

When I was in my thirties, I remember some of the forty-year-olds at work talking about getting older. They would talk about how their metabolism had slowed, how their hair was thinning, how youth was wasted on the young. And they would sort of give each other those knowing looks that seemed to say “Hang in there” or “It’ll be alright.” I chalked up this overheard confiding to a kind of bonding over Prufrockian misery.

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The True Gifts of Father’s Day

by Len Filppu

My fatherhood style runs a strange range between Robert Young of Father Knows Best and Ozzy Osbourne, bat biter, so it’s always good for me to bounce ideas off other dads… even if I get back a twisted triangulation on my parental reality. I invited my friend Vern to join me for a pre-Father’s Day drink at my favorite watering hole.

While I repeated my order of a non-fat, no foam, decaf latte to the bustling barista, Vern grumbled, “I thought you invited me for a drink? That generally indicates alcohol. This place reminds me of a library.” […]

My Problem With Mother’s Day

by Marc Parsont

My problem with Mother’s Day is more or less the fact that your mother should know how you feel about her without having a day dedicated to reminding her of how rotten you are as a son or daughter during the rest of the year.

On the bright side, Mother’s Day is a neat way to show that you aren’t that bad a child.

My mother is turning 80 years old next year and I think that’s pretty good for someone who has had such a rich, full life filled with both pain and joy. She survived the Nazi invasion of France, fell in love and married my father and then took care of him for 26 years after he suffered a near-fatal heart attack at age 49. She has two sons and a raft of grandchildren who love her dearly. […]

The Value of “Tuck-Ins”

by Austin Wimberly

There’s a saying in the South that goes, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” I was raised on this aphorism and felt it acutely around special occasions such as Christmas, Mom’s birthday, and, of course, Mother’s Day.

Growing up, it was always interesting to me that the same amount of fastidiousness wasn’t applied to Dad’s birthday or to Father’s Day. As a boy, this seemed demonstrably unfair, but as I’ve gotten older and entered the ranks of parents, I think I understand why the disparity exists. I think it has to do with our need for a protection that is both intimate and nurturing.

Now, right off the bat, I can hear the internet criticizing this opinion. “Men can be just as intimate as women,” the web might say. Or “This opinion of yours that mothers are more nurturing than fathers is sexist.” And I am sure there are millions of counter-examples to refute everything I’m going to write. […]

Mother’s Day Month – Essay #1 – The Term “Real Mother” Confuses Us

John M. Simmons

Mothers’ Day has always been a tough one at our house. My wife, Amy, came from a home where she was abused by her father and her mother did nothing to stop it, as long as he provided the meal-ticket.

At fifteen, Amy went into foster care where she was used to raise younger foster children while the parents partied. My daughters suffered unimaginable abuse at the hand of their birth-mother in Russia. My youngest son, Denney, also from that country, was betrayed by his birth parents, too.

Sarah was five when she joined our family. She was plenty old enough to know what was going on and to play a part in life-altering decisions. She’s now fourteen. Recently Sarah came to me and said: “I miss Mama Oksana.” (That’s the name we have always used for the birth-mother of our daughters). “I used to hate her. Is that okay?” Tears filled my eyes as I wrapped my arms around her and told her it was not only okay, but good. Then I told her I loved her and that I was sorry it was so hard. […]

New Celebrity Dads – Over 50 (A Commentary)

by Marc Parsont

12th child – Christopher – born to 73-year-old Charlie Chaplin (considered the oldest celebrity dad)

I recently read an article about older celebrity fathers: http://www.parentdish.ca/2014/03/14/fatherhood-celebrity-dads-50/#!slide=2483379.

The subject seems to repel and attract people with equal measure. As a new older dad, here are my thoughts about this:

On one hand, I chuckle quietly and say good for them. Finding love with a beautiful woman at any age is a blessing. On the other hand, I’m jealous that they have such beautiful wives—not that they have children.

Why should we be concerned about this group of actors using their wealth and fame to spread their seed(s)? Perhaps they have really good genes? They are certainly not the first males to use their wealth, power and prestige to father children with younger women. Increased longevity raises the possibility of older fathers. It’s inevitable and not really unusual. […]

Everyman Likes Stats…NOT!!! (A Commentary on the Commentary About Mr. Mom)

by Marc Parsont

Image courtesy of Mr. Mom, the movie

Dear Reader: This is a recent Millenial Influx commentary on Mr. Mom(s) and our own Mr. Mom – Marc Parsont’s response –

“Is Mr. Mom home? If you’re asking this question today in 2013, you are more likely to hear a positive answer than you would have 10 years ago. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the number of stay-at-home dads has doubled over the past decade. Why the increase in stay-at-home dads? There are many speculations as to why the number is rising. A study done by Boston College found that although popular speculation may lead us to conclude that dads are staying home more because of the recession, it is actually found that the increase of dads at home may be due to evolving gender roles and choices that our society is making.”

http://www.millennialinflux.com/the-rise-of-mr-mom/ […]

How I Overcame My Fear of Being Mistaken for Grandpa

Len Filppu

About 11 years ago, my wife and I joined another pregnant couple for a snack after our pre-natal class. They were a typical demographic of this class… young, bright-eyed and fresh, unwrinkled, unworn and eager to learn what lay ahead in parenthood. Their youth and enthusiasm unnerved me because I was then 49 years-old and facing fatherhood for the first time. I ordered coffee and cherry pie a la mode. […]