Nancy LaMar Rodgers Archives - Mothering in the Middle

Autumn Musings

by Nancy LaMar-Rodgers

In Love With Death

Fifteen years ago, I was talking to a woman at a party who told me she absolutely hated the Fall season. No bones about it – she loathed it and would never feel any different, no matter how many picture perfect postcards you could wave of New England’s vibrant color change.

To this day, this mystifies me. My favorite month of the year is October. I am invigorated from October 1^st till well after the Christmas holidays. The month of October rejuvenates my spirit and I believe that the air I breathe in during that month sustains me for the rest of the year.

This same woman told me that the only thing she felt during the fall was the impending notion of winter. It was as if on exactly September 21^st, her bones began to brace themselves for all things cold. At the time she had two small children and I asked her if the kids liked jumping in piles of leaves, apple picking, or of course, the thrill of Halloween. She told me that she didn’t do leaf piles(there might be ticks) and yes she did Halloween but it was generally in a safe place like the mall. […]

Summertime and the Living …

by Nancy LaMar-Rodgers

…Was Easy

Growing up in the 60’s and 70’s with a ton of siblings and a block filled with kids all the same varied ages; summertime was heaven on earth. On our street on Long Island, there could be, on any given summer day, twenty or so kids of various ages, still playing well into the dusk hours.

By sunset, we had already finished endless innings of stickball, had climbed numerous trees, played kick the can and ring-a-lario(a game that would probably be outlawed today) and were ready for the evening activity of catching fireflies and roasting marshmallows, on real sticks that you had to find.

These memories of summer are emblazoned in my memory, more and more these days as I struggle with the question of “what to do with my 10-year-old boy” on these long, warm, glorious days. […]

The Art of Fatherhood

by Nancy LaMar-Rodgers

Dads on Duty

These days, it seems that dads have taken on a more prominent role when it comes to raising the kids. Dads are not just showing up at baseball or soccer games but are attending the parent/teacher conferences and sometimes even making the play date arrangements.

Where has this new sense of fatherhood stemmed from? What role reversal has evolved in the new millennium that has made it politically correct for men to even don the new fangled breast feeding devices that, up until a few years ago, that duty, by nature, was for moms only?

Old School Parenting

My own father was a child of The Great Depression. And, when I asked him once what his father did for a living, his response was, “whatever he could, kid.” His reply made me realize how many generations of fathers never had the luxury of truly participating in a child’s life. These dads of the early and mid part of the 20^th century, who racked up long hours and put in enough overtime as it took to afford the bicycle at Christmas time or new baseball glove. […]

Taking Back Mother’s Day

by Nancy LaMar-Rodgers

Nancy is the infant not yet in the photo

Ode to Mom

I am the youngest of eight children. I was born in 1963, a bygone era of large families and stay-at-home moms. My mother had eight children within 13 years with a few miscarriages thrown in for good pregnancy measure.

We are Irish Catholics with no sense of rhythm and therefore yearly pregnancies were the norm.

While I remember us celebrating Mother’s Day as adult children, I have no recollection of what that day looked like for her when we were all young. I know that Mothers Day existed, because Woodrow Wilson signed the proclamation in 1914 declaring it a day of honor for mothers. […]

Spare Some Change? (An Ode to Midlife Mothering)

by Nancy LaMar Rodgers

Spring Ahead

There is something magical about hearing that first bird tweeting somewhere off in the distance when the snow is still on the ground and you can still see your breath as soon as you walk outside. I think however it is the annual changing of the clocks that sets our bodies into motion, no matter how long we have sat stagnant, and hibernating.

So while most of us take the change of seasons in stride, what is it about change in general that makes many of us go into either a paralyzed or manic state, dependent upon our primitive reaction to trauma? […]

Cupid’s Dilemma (A Cynical Look at Valentine’s Day, With Some Statistics, Too)

by Nancy LaMar-Rodgers

Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre

Ok so it’s not that dramatic but let’s face it, Valentine’s Day is a pressure cooker. My single friends loathe it because it reminds them they are single. My newly divorced friends hate it because it makes them feel like failures and, quite frankly, my few happily married friends also detest it, because of the pressure of reminding each other “how much you really mean to me.”

Let’s face it, if you are still married after 20 years in this day and age, it’s a miracle unto itself and for me, I love nothing better than my husband doing the laundry and dishes, and for him I am sure my showing of love on that day comes in the form of less flannel and more stockings and heels. […]

Reflections on Christmas…

by Nancy LaMar-Rodgers

You Better Watch Out…

My son’s Christmas list seems to get bigger with each passing year. I find myself longing for the days when opening a pack of play-do made him happy and he would want nothing more than to dive into the squishy stuff at hand, never paying any mind to the pile of presents that still awaited him under the tree. These days, I find myself confronted with a nine year-olds’ inquisitive mind about all subjects albeit one that he and I know he would prefer to keep in the naïve land of childhood innocence.

The Moral Dilemma

So how long do I pretend? My nineteen year-old daughter recently let me know that she was on to me by age eight because she questioned why mommy and Santa had the same handwriting. I was never one for wrapping or writing in disguise. It was always done in a mad rush a few nights before while my husband would put her to bed. I never thought to distinguish my handwriting on those ridiculous “to and from” tags bought in 100 packs at Walmart. I must say I was horrified. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I implored. “Come on Mom, admit to the “No Santa” idea? That would certainly cut down on presents.” […]

A Bun and A Bird In the Oven

by Nancy LaMar-Rodgers

I Just Don’t Cook

I excel at other things. Planning, making and serving large family dinners have never been one of my fortes. My family, however, had other ideas the year my dad passed away and I found myself pregnant with my son.

I was about 8 weeks in when my family thought it might be a good idea to have Thanksgiving at my house. Having never hosted a family holiday (that was my sisters’ jobs), I wasn’t sure I was up for the task but being hormonally challenged at the time, I agreed. That was my first mistake; as I undoubtedly would have to host this dinner, sober.

Murphy’s Law

So I shopped for the big bird. Strangely enough, in my newfound mindset of maternal musings, I found myself actually looking forward to this event and contemplating place settings and intricate autumnal table décor. Thankfully those latter thoughts passed quickly. […]

Is That Your Grandson?
Gallery
Is That Your Grandson?

Commentary, Daily Living, Midlife Foibles!, Mothers Over 50

Is That Your Grandson?

by Nancy LaMar Rodgers

Here’s to Your Health

I put the supplements up on the counter at the health food store. My eight month old was positioned on my hip and my 11 year old was standing next to me, bored and put out by the endless errands we had to run that day.

On the counter was Kava Kava for relaxation, B12 for energy, Vitamin D for my immune, Psyllium powder for constipation, and Black Cohosh for menopausal symptoms. My son was fidgeting and trying to grab whatever was colorful on the counter. The owner had yet to come to the register. I handed the baby off to his sister and said, “hold your brother for a second, I forgot something.” She obliged begrudgingly, still annoyed with his existence, ruining her standing as an “only child.” […]

Maiden, Mother, Not Quite Crone

by Nancy LaMar Rodgers

Maiden, Mother… Whoa-Not Quite Crone

Planning to have a baby at 42 was, well, not in the plan. It happened. I thought I was in perimenopause, but alas, not so much. My daughter was nine at the time and though we had tried while she was younger, it hadn’t happened and so we were a happy family of three. I know for a fact that my son was supposed to come to me at age 42 even though I was not only unprepared, but more importantly, scared out of my wits.

Divine, Parental Intervention

I was 40 years old when we took my dad to live with us. We put an addition on the house. I should have known it would turn into a metaphor. Pops was great, but forgetful. As an only child himself and then a father of eight, he had his own ideas about family.

“You know I was thinking kid, you might want to have another, being an only child is tough.”

And with that, my guilt would swell and I would clean the house. […]