Mr. Mom Archives - Mothering in the Middle

I Need Movie Theatre Seating (A Commentary By the Mid-Life Mr. Mom)

by Marc Parsont

As parents, we’re spending all this time worrying about not keeping score at our kid’s games; being supportive, not yelling, having fun at sporting events, etc. – so much so that we have ignored our most basic needs—of us, the parents.

Why do we watch the games on television rather than go to the game? It’s not just because some of us need to be near the restroom. It’s more basic than that. We’re sitting on bleachers, wood, metal, itchy grass. We’re subject to searing cold and blazing hot days. Even the ides of any month would be bearable if we just had movie-theater seating at all the games.

At this point in my (mid) life, give me a cushy seat, a Dolby stereo surround sound speaker system, basic food stuffs, a little petit cru and some Brie, for example. I can watch any game, no matter how long, cold or wet it is. We could add a lightning rod, a wet bar and cheer our kids on until dark or the booze ran dry. (I’d prefer to keep it inside, I must admit, but it all works.) […]

We Love Vans (A Commentary by Mr. Mom)

by Marc Parsont

It is not true that men don’t love mini-vans. Someone needs to straighten out the record. We fear what mini-vans represent, toting kids hither and yon, the words, “Are we there yet,” and “I have to go to the bathroom.” (and our impending death).

Mini-vans save the backs of millions of men annually. Those cute little cherubs fit tightly, snuggly and comfy in SUV’s at the loss of our ability to move our torso or even sit upright, our current version of lifting a calf over our heads until it becomes a cow.

It is true that men approaching middle-age prefer not to be caught either riding or driving a van. This response makes good sense; not because of mid-life crises, but because our bodies require more vertebral support. We need the space and the view. […]

Life Comes in a Tube of Toothpaste

by Marc Parsont

My wife is particular. Favorite brand of this. Won’t touch that. I understand and try and adapt to this part of her nature. I’m not sure I’m that much better anyway.

It didn’t bother me when she asked me to pick up some toothpaste for her at the local drugstore. How hard is it to pick up some toothpaste? That was my first mistake.

I mean, how hard can it be? Keep this in mind. The last time I bought toothpaste was a little over a year and three tubes of Cinnamon toothpaste gel ago. TGFA (Thank Goodness for Amazon!)

Well, let me tell you. That gooey, paste or gel can make your brain swell and pop — like one of those science fiction movies with the exception that you’ll have whiter teeth and better smelling breath. […]

Older Parenting

by Marc Parsont

Becoming an older parent, while gratifying, is downright scary. We married when I turned 45 years old, and she was not. Like any G-d fearing, country-loving man, I married a younger woman – an intelligent, loving woman who wanted children, with me no less.

We were fortunate. While having children wasn’t easy, it wasn’t impossible. We faced difficulties, tragedies that tested our love, and had two lovely children thirteen months apart.

I do not write of our success to make you feel jealous, unhappy or sad or awful. I am writing to tell you of the fear I have right now about being an older parent, while writing to you from the emergency room of our local hospital. […]

Half-Way Through Summer/Half-Way to School

by Marc Parsont

It’s the middle of summer, but the ads have started coming already. Buy backpacks and shoes and pencils, lunch boxes, book covers, shirts, slacks, shorts.

We spend nine months getting through school and then another three months selling them gear, garbage, puff, fluff and Spam (and I really mean Spam…the other Lunch Meat) to go back there.

Even though Labor Day and the beginning of school is far off, you can begin to see that glimmer of hope and eagerness beginning to betray itself. The gear just starts those juices flowing.

Those tendrils begin to show at odd times, early mornings, late afternoons, when they don’t think they’re being watched. Little grins and slivers appear randomly. The complaints begin to taper off. The moans and whines stop being repetitive, and get replaced by moments of pure silence and peace. […]

I Made a Promise Never to Be One of Those Sports People

by Marc Parsont

I made a promise never to be one of those sports parents, loud, obnoxious, screaming from the sidelines. I rarely get upset watching sports on television. As a matter of fact, I pride myself on calmly and cooly passing judgment on plays on both sides of the field. So why do I have so much trouble watching my children play sports?

I broke my promise in the time it took me to write it down. I just can’t understand why I can’t let it go. Let’s face it. If I can’t even watch a six year old soccer game without yelling, screaming and losing my stoic, cool demeanor, then I’ll become one of those pariahs that everyone stares at on the sidelines.

That does not stop me from being critical of the way everyone else stomps around on the sidelines. Hypocrisy is one of my strong points. […]

I Do Not Own My Own Life Anymore (Commentary by Mr. Mom)

by Marc Parsont

I do not own my life anymore. I drive to soccer. I drive to karate. I drive to school. I drive to the doctor’s office—frequently. I drive to fix the cars that drive the kids to soccer, karate, ballet and yoga.

I drive to the grocery store. I drive to the grocery store. I drive to the grocery store again.

I am being driven insane. […]

September with Mr. Mom

by Marc Parsont

I never met a sale I didn’t like. The Battle Cry of the Parsont Clan is, “It’s On Sale!” Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble could “Charge It,” all day because they’d be left flapping in my wake. And why, you ask, should you care?

I plan on buying enough school supplies for our kids—for the rest of their natural lives. One time, one trip, and we’re through. […]

Everyman Likes Stats…NOT!!! (A Commentary on the Commentary About Mr. Mom)

by Marc Parsont

Image courtesy of Mr. Mom, the movie

Dear Reader: This is a recent Millenial Influx commentary on Mr. Mom(s) and our own Mr. Mom – Marc Parsont’s response –

“Is Mr. Mom home? If you’re asking this question today in 2013, you are more likely to hear a positive answer than you would have 10 years ago. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the number of stay-at-home dads has doubled over the past decade. Why the increase in stay-at-home dads? There are many speculations as to why the number is rising. A study done by Boston College found that although popular speculation may lead us to conclude that dads are staying home more because of the recession, it is actually found that the increase of dads at home may be due to evolving gender roles and choices that our society is making.”

http://www.millennialinflux.com/the-rise-of-mr-mom/ […]

Being the Primary Caretaker in Any Relationship (An Homage to Father’s Day)

by Marc Parsont

As we rush by Mother’s Day and push toward Father’s Day, I’d like to remind everyone that loving your children is more important than gender. Being the primary caregiver in any relationship, male or female, isn’t easy, but using gender as the sole criteria is passé, as passé as pay phones, records (please bring vinyl back), lava lamps and politicians who believe in compromise.

Men can’t lactate or give birth, but from what I’ve heard from women, that may not be such a bad thing. The act of childbearing doesn’t always equate with good child rearing. […]