Self-Invention: The Bond Among Women of All Generations

by Suzanne Braun Levine

One thing about being an older mother is that you are constantly reminded of the truism that age doesn’t really describe the shape of a person’s life. Nor does our place on the family tree, the generation we are assigned to at birth. When my daughter was born I was 44, old enough to be her grandmother. When she went to school, I was old enough to be her teachers’ (and her friends parents’) mother. At the same time my contemporaries had long since forgotten about coping with babies and young children – they were on to the joys of grandchildren. My most meaningful cohort was other women with children my children’s age, but not my age themselves. […]

Am I Invisible? (Or, Where Are We All Heading?)

by Cyma Shapiro

I think the dilemma started when my Physician’s Assistant (PA) of ten years left my MD’s office last month for another medical practice. Within a flash, all my years of personal coddling, instant communication (I was given her “inside” phone number) and very good health care were eradicated for this: I am now just another number, another cog in the wheel/larger scheme of things.  Right now, I feel very, very unimportant. […]

(I’m a) Midlife Soccer Mom!

by Cyma Shapiro

OK.  I’ve said it and it’s out. I think I’ve become one of “them.” The transformation was subtle, but quick. Last week, I looked back and saw that it had already happened. It was really quite painless. I actually suggest that you try it. The “it” is letting go. The result? I’m now a Midlife Soccer Mom. Quite an image, huh? […]

Just A Number

by Peg O'Neill, M.D.

They say that age is just a number, but I’m not so sure.  Try telling this to my 10 year old son, or his five year old (excuse me, five and a HALF) year old brother.  Or to the almost sixteen year old in my office the other day who was counting the hours until her birthday, when she could get her learner’s permit.  When you are young, getting older is a good thing.  Your age determines whether you are “big enough” to get certain privileges, like biking to school on your own, or being able to drive, or staying up late to watch the Red Sox game.  You have to be old enough.  The older you are, the more you get to do. The older you are, the more you are in charge.  Old is cool, when you’re young.  […]

The Young One

by Andrea Lynn

When someone suggested I might write for the Mothering in the Middle project, it seemed a perfect fit. Older women, coming to motherhood after other things. Infertility as a side-dish for some of us, adding that extra dash of gratefulness to our motherhood journey. Issues of aging – our parents, ourselves. A perfect fit. […]

Dream Date with Mom

by Julie Donner Andersen

Being the maaahvelous parent I am (take it from me, because my kids will lie), I absorb all the literature I can get my hands on which have anything to do with parental improvement.  Recently, I read that going on individual “dates” once a month with each of your kids will increase your intimate parent/child bond. […]

53

by Valerie Gillies

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved on stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”  Pericles

This birthday got to me.  It’s never those clean, easy numbers, like 30 or 50 that do it.  Instead, odd ones sneak up on me, like 45, the age at which my mother died (subconsciously assuming I wouldn’t live past the exact number of days she had.)  21 meant nothing, but 28 meant I was really an adult. 53 hit hard.  By the most optimistic estimates, I’m halfway through. […]

Passing

by Deatra Haime Anderson

Here is my confession: I almost never admit my real age. Even when I’m in the company of someone who knows what it is, I won’t say the number. Despite myriad liberal and feminist viewpoints, my age is the one space I cannot make peace with right now. Although I never outright lie about how old I am (except for when I have to enter my birthdate for website memberships), I do lie by omission all the time. […]

Ladies in Waiting

by Elizabeth Gregory

Midlife moms have made headlines recently – because our ranks are growing fast, and so is the pool of midlife-moms-to-be, as lots of recession-shy ladies are holding off on babies for the time being – a formula for many midlife moms and babies down the line.  On the celebrity side, think Penelope Cruz, Carla Bruni, Mariah Carey, Tina Fey.  Lots of non-celeb ladies are also waiting til 35 and after to start or continue their families.  US births were down 4% overall between 2007 and 2009 – falling in all age groups except women 40 and over, for whom the rate rose 6%!  Here’s the illustration:

Births continued downward in 2010.  The overall decline is not exactly world changing, however, since we’re only falling back to the level we were at in 2004 — after a big birth rate rise based on a false sense of economic security in 2005-7.

The pattern of delay in evidence here suggests that the ladies are waiting til they feel ready – and in important measure that readiness seems to be defined in financial terms.  Women starting families in their 40s tend to have established at work first and to be better off.  But even if the economy is still less secure than they might like, by 40 or so it’s now or never for those who aim to form their families standard issue.

For trend trackers, the suspenseful part comes next – how long will those who put off having kids now wait before starting, or before having a second or third child?  Though about two thirds of women can have kids unassisted at […]

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