MotheringintheMiddle.com Archives - Mothering in the Middle

Mother’s Day: Five Tips to Caring for a Mom Who Never Really Took Care of You

By Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

Are you dreading Mother’s Day again this year and worrying about what to do for your mom? Perhaps you have never been close or are now estranged and feeling angry. Have you cut the mother-daughter ties and ignore the day, but remain resentful and sad? Or do you pretend everything is OK and give her a gift anyway?

Even though the media lead us to believe that all mothers deserve flowers and chocolates, if you don’t have a good relationship, this ‘special’ day can be agonizing. […]

I Became A Mother in January: An Anniversary Celebration

by Andrea Lynn

I became a mother in January. My mother drove me through the freezing dark night, sometime between midnight and dawn, to the hospital, my doula following in her own car behind. My labor, strong and painful and many hours old, seemed to suspend itself for the duration of the drive, so worried was I that my mom, driving an unfamiliar car through an unfamiliar city, would lose the way. Hours later, she held one side of me and the doula the other, straining with me as the nurse instructed: “Push. Push.” […]

10 Tips for Coping With January Blues

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

Feeling down in the dumps now that the holidays are over? If you’re hoping for something uplifting on these dreary days and cold nights, you’re not alone. T.S. Eliot, in The Waste Land, said, “April is the cruelest month.”

But studies have found that for the majority of Americans, January is the most depressing month of the year. […]

‘Tis the Season to Be…Thinking About Having Another Baby?

by Vivian Diller, Ph.D

According to the CDC, most babies in the United States are conceived during December and January. Is it because couples hunker down for the long winter season?

Or is it the holiday celebrations and spiked eggnog that lead to mistletoe munchkins nine months later?

Whatever the reason, the statistics remain pretty consistent. More couples begin families — and add to them — during this festive time of year. […]

To See or Not to See…
Gallery
To See or Not to See…

Commentary, Daily Living

To See or Not to See…

by Cyma Shapiro

Dear Reader: This is a reprint of my post two years ago. This experience had such an impact on my life, that I’d like to share it again with all of you. I would suggest that if you have the opportunity to go winter animal-tracking, do it.

We went on an animal tracking expedition this past weekend, through first-winter snow and frigid temperatures. While I could complain about my frozen toes and hands, and my unhappiness with the extreme (and sudden) weather conditions, it was my experience of seeing the unknown which has had the greatest impact on me.

Bear Claw Scratchings

I feel exuberant to have found so many clues I had previously overlooked and

Mouse

unnerved to have never known this. In fact, I feel so completely astounded that I could have lived this long and not seen/known/ experienced this, that I want to share it with all of you – no, make that scream it from the hilltops: All is not (just) as we see! Bobcat Scat

Could it be that we all too often miss the signs/signals/information, the minutiae in our lives necessary to fully comprehend the greater elements and, perhaps, the grander plan for our lives? Mouse Tracks

You decide.

(Open full essay to see photos!)

The Spirit That Counts

by Winter Robinson

When we were young, we approached the holidays with anticipation because we “knew” they contained magic. We believed in a world of open-ended possibilities.

But then we grew up, and we moved further and further away from such things and, sadly, from our natural, spiritual, way of being. As adults, too often we allow the expectations of others (parents, religious leaders, teachers, family, friends) to be placed upon us, along with the associated guilt, if we do not live up to them. For many, the holidays have become nothing more than pressure-filled weeks chocked full of check lists and coping mechanisms. And now, deep down, we feel that we have lost something and we don’t know what it is. […]

8 Tips For Boomer Women To Better Enjoy Their Friendships

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

We can say without a doubt that intimate friendships have always been important to women. But have you noticed that they’ve become even more so as you face the transitions of children growing up and parents growing older?

Findings from a recent MacArthur Foundation Study indicate that the emotional security and social support that these relationships provide for women have been a survival strategy for them in adversity. In fact, friendship is one of the keys to a long and more satisfying life. […]

The Fall of My Reflection (A Nod to Rosh Hashanah)

by Cyma Shapiro

(Stepping through that “time of life”) The nature and rhythm of my life has changed. What used to be simply firecrackers and passion, fast movement and hard-fast determination, has become a slightly mellower shade of honey, and flows at that very same pour-speed.

What used to be denial of things/time of life/aging has now become sobering, hard-core reality that we must savor each and every day, and that each and every day really is someone else’s last.

What used to be dreaming and planning for something (what?) has given way to acknowledging the present moment… and accepting it.

And, that all the determination and precise planning we give to everything simply cannot belie the fact that someone/something has greater power than we do.

This year, I will breathe in acceptance of the fact that I do not know it all; maybe do not know most of it; and that all of that knowing doesn’t mean that circumstances might not change it all – in an instant.

I know now that all I know is that I am alive and breathing and trying my best… each and every day.

How to Love Your Kidults by Letting Go

By Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

Are you a loving but hovering parent? Parents typically are raising fewer children today and have actively pursued an only-the-best policy from infancy on. So far, the progeny of Helicopter Parents have reaped the benefits from some of these advantages. Record numbers are attending college and the rate of teenage pregnancy is down. […]

Fertility Eating on the Road

by Cindy Bailey

It can be especially rough trying to stick to a fertility diet (or any diet, for that matter) when you’re travelling. You may not have access to a kitchen, and depending on where you go, you may not be able to find your usual healthy foods or know where to go to get them. Here are some tips to help:

Do the best you can with what you got. If you go out to a restaurant, try to make it one that serves salads or vegetables. Even if these items are not organic, you’ll still get the nutritional value, and they’re a whole lot healthier than eating pizza, sandwiches or cream- (and wheat-) laden pasta. Plus, you can eat as much of it as you want. […]