motherhood Archives - Mothering in the Middle

The Long Wave Goodbye

by Cyma Shapiro

Dear Reader: Each year, I repost this essay, written when my children were young. However, it remains true to me; the original wave is etched in my heart and mind forever.

Today, I waved to my daughter riding away on the bus. The silly kind of wave – two arms, as if jumping for dear-life and flagging down a passing ship. We both continued waving until the bus was out of sight. Walking back to my house, I had a lump in my throat. I am both happy and sad.

I’m sad for the time which is passing so quickly; sad, too, that I see that my parenting must be working well – my own daughter still longs for me. (I did not have that with my own mother.) I waited a long time to become a mother (again). I will continue to try my hardest to fulfill her need until her hands stop reaching for mine, the arm waves stop, and I see her waving to her friends – not me. That time is coming. In fact, it’s just around the corner.

Writer Kelly Salasin blogged, “There are so many deaths in mothering, beginning at the beginning, and arriving every day after. But equally matched with these deaths are the blessings of a new life – new growth – new possibility.” These words resonate with me and touch my heart. […]

From Death to Life (A Mother’s Circle)

by Laura Jane Murphy

My sister and I were recently able to return my precious mother’s ashes to her birthplace.

Honoring her life, we traveled back to her hometown. This little dot on the map, reminiscent of “Mayberry,” N.C , was established in the eighteenth century by her ancestors.

Mom died almost four years ago. At the time of her passing, my sweet daughter was only ten. Losing her grandmother led to a profound questioning of her own heritage. I will never forget the moment when she spilled her guts out in pain. Grief unleashed the deep sorrow of loss and awareness that she was not of my blood.

In that rare moment of emotional release, crying and in between gasp for air, she asked, “Why? Why wasn’t I wanted?” And, added the sentence, “You don’t know MY PAIN.” […]

Because I’m a New Mother and Because I Said So

by DeAnna Scott

I woke up these past several mornings seriously feeling like a truck had run over me. To make things worse my kids must have felt the same way too, but they can’t articulate what they are feeling. So what their runny noses didn’t say, their screaming did.

It’s one thing to have twins with colds. It is another, I think, to have toddler-twins with colds. Because trust me – the terrible twos don’t get better when they are sick – they just get worse and it is hard to deal with.

What will the world think of me? After all, aren’t I the woman that went thru tremendous trials to even have these twins; who cried tears of longing for the day I could even say, “My kids are sick.” […]

A Mother’s Job Is Never Done

by Gina Broadbent

The urban legend of motherhood contends that if you don’t embarrass your child, you’re not doing your job.

I’ve always been a bit of an overachiever and, never more so than during my daughter’s tween/teen years. I pursued with a passion, one I usually reserve for a crisp sauvignon blanc or a deep tissue massage, perfect performance on this compass of parental competence.

Yes, I did it; I did it all- all the miserable, misguided maternal behavior sure to elicit a roll of the eyes, a highly offended yelp of “EWEE,” and the ultimate,”Mom, people heard you say that!” […]

Celebrate Your Mother-Colleagues This Mother’s Day

by Lori Mihalich-Levin

During the holiday season a few years ago, the chief of my division at work gave each of us a bottle of wine as an end-of-the-year thank you gift. Attached to the bottle was a typed note of the things she was grateful for, and at the top of the page was a handwritten, personalized note of gratitude.

To me, she wrote “Thank you for juggling work and motherhood so elegantly.” Elegence?! I was breathtaken. I was only a few months back from maternity leave after the birth of my second child, and that word was the antithesis of how I would have described myself.

Here I was, thinking I was frazzled beyond recognition, burning candles at both ends, wearing ponytails and quite possibly clothing that smelled like spit-up. And the word she chose was “elegantly”?! […]

Spare Some Change? (An Ode to Midlife Mothering)

by Nancy LaMar Rodgers

Spring Ahead

There is something magical about hearing that first bird tweeting somewhere off in the distance when the snow is still on the ground and you can still see your breath as soon as you walk outside. I think however it is the annual changing of the clocks that sets our bodies into motion, no matter how long we have sat stagnant, and hibernating.

So while most of us take the change of seasons in stride, what is it about change in general that makes many of us go into either a paralyzed or manic state, dependent upon our primitive reaction to trauma? […]

The Older New Parent’s Three Main Food Groups: Caffeine, Ibuprofen, & Wine

I know we got insanely lucky with the mini, lucky I was able to conceive naturally after my 45th birthday, lucky that she was born totally healthy and amazing. So god knows I’m not complaining here. But let me complain for a second.

It seems she’s hitting her terrible two’s a year early. I suppose I could be grateful for her advanced development, like some parents are when their kids walk early. (“She’s only one! And she’s already in her terrible two’s!”)

Instead, I feel like my head has been blown off and I’m walking around with shards on top of my neck. […]

Mindful Return: Returning to Work After Becoming a Mom

Mindful Mama Lori Mihalich Levin is the mother of 2 children and a regulatory lawyer in Washington, DC. She is also guiding dozens of women as they navigate their way out of and back to work when their lives are transformed by motherhood. We sat down recently to talk about the origins of her 4-week online course Mindful Return.

After her own maternity leave, Lori noticed how other new moms at work rarely spoke about the changes in their lives, the intensity of their feelings towards their children, and how they coped. On one hand, her colleagues were undergoing a major transformation, but there was little outward acknowledgement at work that anything was happening. On the other, fearful of criticism or loss of professional status, the returning mothers dodged necessary conversations about pumping at work, child care hours, or poor sleep. […]

Why I Don’t Believe in Coincidence When It Comes To Adoption

by Angie Bahng

When our oldest daughter was born in Korea, my husband and I didn’t know that we were going to be adopting her just one year later. In fact, we didn’t know that she existed. Yet.

But three weeks after her birth, we found ourselves traveling through Incheon Airport, on the way to a trip to China and the border of North Korea. We didn’t know her, and she didn’t know us, but I often think about the coincidence that we were physically so close to each other without even realizing it. […]

My Loving Friendships (In Honor of V-Day Month)

by DeAnna Scott

I’ve always considered myself somewhat of an introvert. I am not sure you would have thought that if you met me in one of my volunteer positions, at work or even on-stage, doing improv, because I always appreciated the value of being friendly and outgoing in these situations. However, when I went home at night, I much preferred my own solace to that of a person I would call a friend.

How callous I must sound – you could say that. I offer no apology; before, I might have, but no longer. This is how I found my inner peace, although I am grateful to admit that I now know and feel differently. […]