Midlife Mothers Archives - Page 6 of 16

Perspectives in (Being) Happy

by DeAnna Scott

My new favorite song is Pharrell Williams “Happy.” I always feel so empowered and well, pretty darn happy when I hear it. I especially love the videos that he posted on his website – there is usually one person placed in a public location, like Union Station, and then, the song starts.

Soon, a person begins to move with the beat, slowly at first, sort of shy about it since they are in a public place then pretty soon the music overtakes them and they dance, clap their hands and kick their feet appearing to not give a damn what anyone thinks and completely oblivious to those around them.

I love this and feel like I am starting to embrace this attitude now the older I get. […]

Q&A with Faydra Koenig – America’s Divorce Coach

Dear Reader: We’re pleased to present our newest contributor – Faydra Koenig, who will be available for any questions and/or issues you might have. Please forward any questions to midlifemothers@gmail.com. She will be happy to help you!

Q- Faydra, my husband left me and our young son for another woman. I feel so many emotions inside including anger, betrayal and insecurity. What is the first step for me? – Sarah from Oregon

Faydra- Sarah, first off let me say that I am so sorry that this is your current reality. I understand how you are feeling and want to encourage you to consider a few things as you move through these initial few months.

First off, infidelity rarely has to do with your adequacy as a wife, woman or mother. Studies have shown that men and women who cheat on their spouses were rarely seeking to hurt their spouse. Most often, people cheat because there are unresolved issues plaguing them and the cheating becomes an escape. Second, if you live in a state that has a no-fault divorce ruling, you will not be entitled to any sort of advantage during your proceedings because your spouse cheated. Many people feel they are entitled to more because they are the victim of infidelity. Last, it may be difficult to keep your emotions in check right now. Please engage with someone who has the training to help you keep your head and make important decisions. […]

10 Things Not to Say to a New Older (Midlife) Mother

by Cyma Shapiro

Women choosing motherhood over 40, 45 and 50 still remain in the minority, especially in certain geographic locations. Although new older parenting is increasing incrementally, women choosing motherhood at later (and later) ages are often the butt of jokes and the recipient of rude, politically incorrect, and sometime insulting comments.

My primer, below, should make it easier for those who are inclined to comment (on any aspect of this fact). Consider the power of words, even if well-intentioned:

1) “Are you the Grandmother?”

Unless you need to ask this to determine whether an AARP card is applicable, or to somehow confirm lineage, don’t even ask. Not only is this a painful question for any woman/mother over 40, but if applied incorrectly, it’s an insult to the children who are usually listening. Think about the overall cost/benefit of asking this question, especially if little ones are in tow.

2) “How old were you when you had/adopted your child?”

Is this your business?

3) “Do you know how selfish you are?”

This references the fact that I may die long before I get to experience my children’s milestones, and my children will be left motherless. However, people die at every age. Long life is not a surety for anyone.

4) “Why would you have/adopt a child at your age?”

Why not?

5) “Wow…..that’s so….great!” (Or) “Good for you!”

What’s so great about it, and why is this good for me?

6) “Really??”

Yes, really.

7) “Is this your first marriage?”

What does that matter?

8) “When do you plan to retire?”

The answer to this is a definitive “never.”

9) “You have a what?” (In answer to the question about the ages of your children).

How can I help you?

10) “It seems like a lot of […]

The Next Stage

by Andrea Lynn

I just registered my youngest for kindergarten, and I’m almost positive that means life is getting easier. If nothing else, I’m counting on lower daycare costs, but people insist I’ll soon be spending that money on ukelele lessons, lunchboxes and gym clothes. We’ll have to see.

Having both my girls in full-time, full-day elementary school come September means I’m no longer in charge of the educational aspect of their lives. I’ve turned that all over to the school. Now, when they ask questions, I can refer them back to their teachers. I can also stop feeling guilty about not doing educational things with them, like “Sight Words Bingo” and “Zingo Math,” which we really only got around to once and afterwards just felt guilty about the neglected box sitting on our games shelf.

Now the guilt can rest; someone else can teach my girls math. My job can be reduced to food preparation, laundry, and refereeing fights over whose turn it is to choose the DVD. I have to say, I’m ready for a reduced role around here. Elementary school, I give you my children. […]

Show and Tell

by Michelle Meyer

When I was in kindergarten, “Show and Tell” was one of my favorite things. One day, I brought in pictures of my mother’s youngest brother, Danny. I was so excited about showing them to the class and telling them that my grandmother had a new baby.

The teacher questioned me several times about exactly who gave birth and explained that this child could not possibly be my uncle because “grandmothers don’t have babies.” I stood my ground, insisting that I was not making up a story – these pictures were really of my Uncle Danny, who was just a few weeks old at the time. […]

Cyma Shapiro Interviews Serena Kirby, author of Better Late Than Never Baby

Hi, Serena – I’m so happy to be interviewing you, today. As my Australian compatriot, I see so many similarities in our midlife experiences, despite being half-a-world away.

Today, I’d like to focus on your wonderful book, Better Late Than Never Baby. Having read all manner of like-minded books, I expected to be reading another “same-old.” But I’m so happy to report that this book is refreshing, informative and so understanding of those women who have chosen new older motherhood/midlife motherhood.

Q: As a new mother @ age 43, you must have had your hands full. Yet you chose to write this book. Please tell our readers a little bit about how and why you did so.

A: When I became pregnant with my first baby at 42 I went looking for pregnancy books written for my age group. Occasionally, I stumbled across a chapter or paragraph dedicated to older mothers, and in several cases bought a book purely for its snippet of relevance. What I really wanted to read was how my older age may impact on my pregnancy, my baby, my body and my life. But finding an up to date book written by a first time later life mother, proved as elusive to me as pregnancy had previously been. […]

Parking Lot

by Maggie Lamond Simone

Photo courtesy of Pecklife.com

Wantings

by Barbara Herel

“Pulling a Veruca” – that’s what my daughter and I call it when someone whines and pouts like the mink-coated brat, Vercua Salt, from Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory. Trouble is, I’m the one doing it these days. You can hear me sing this obnoxious tune every time I look at my worn-out couch:

I want a couch

I want a new couch

One that is more chic than it is shabby. Don’t make me batty.

Give it to me

Now!

And cue the Oompa Loompas to cart me and said furniture away…. […]

Cyma Shapiro Interviews Faydra Koenig, Author of Two Homes for Daniel

Hi, Faydra – welcome to Mothering. As America’s Divorce Coach, I’m happy to be presenting you to our group and exploring your latest venture, Two Homes for Daniel – the story of a child of divorce. Please tell me what inspired you to create this book?

A: I have been writing for adults for some time now, helping them cope with the stress and guilt associated with divorce and my coaching clients have been asking for ways to help their children. I created the book to offer a conduit for mom’s, dad’s and extended family to talk with kids about the issues that come up during and after divorce. I thought about my own children and how we managed the issues when we faced them. […]

Tips for Raising An Only Child (Part III)

by Serena Kirby

The single-child family is the fastest growing family unit in the developed world so you’re far from alone if you have just one child. For many of us who became mothers later in life, it wasn’t ‘choice’ but ‘circumstance’ that caused us to have just one child. Reduced fertility and increased fatigue all play a role in the high number of only children to older mothers. […]