Marc Parsont Archives - Page 3 of 5 - Mothering in the Middle

Half-Way Through Summer/Half-Way to School

by Marc Parsont

It’s the middle of summer, but the ads have started coming already. Buy backpacks and shoes and pencils, lunch boxes, book covers, shirts, slacks, shorts.

We spend nine months getting through school and then another three months selling them gear, garbage, puff, fluff and Spam (and I really mean Spam…the other Lunch Meat) to go back there.

Even though Labor Day and the beginning of school is far off, you can begin to see that glimmer of hope and eagerness beginning to betray itself. The gear just starts those juices flowing.

Those tendrils begin to show at odd times, early mornings, late afternoons, when they don’t think they’re being watched. Little grins and slivers appear randomly. The complaints begin to taper off. The moans and whines stop being repetitive, and get replaced by moments of pure silence and peace. […]

Being a Parent is Not a Popularity Contest

by Marc Parsont

Being a parent is not a popularity contest.

It is not a one man or woman operation either. You never know what challenges you’ll face, which is both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. If you can face your fears and anxieties, you might just make an awesome parent.

Your children won’t recognize this until you’re really old, but in the meantime, your job is to make them horrified to have you as parents (just like we did to our parents). The mere possibility that you might embarrass them in front of their peers is the lever you need to survive their growth to maturity.

So here are my few parenting thoughts:

Take as many baby pictures now as possible. Make sure they are in silly positions/situations/clothing. Keep a copy handy for when guests and relatives come by. I guarantee they won’t misbehave.

Use the photographs of them sitting on the toilet as adequate backups. […]

I Made a Promise Never to Be One of Those Sports People

by Marc Parsont

I made a promise never to be one of those sports parents, loud, obnoxious, screaming from the sidelines. I rarely get upset watching sports on television. As a matter of fact, I pride myself on calmly and cooly passing judgment on plays on both sides of the field. So why do I have so much trouble watching my children play sports?

I broke my promise in the time it took me to write it down. I just can’t understand why I can’t let it go. Let’s face it. If I can’t even watch a six year old soccer game without yelling, screaming and losing my stoic, cool demeanor, then I’ll become one of those pariahs that everyone stares at on the sidelines.

That does not stop me from being critical of the way everyone else stomps around on the sidelines. Hypocrisy is one of my strong points. […]

My Problem With Mother’s Day

by Marc Parsont

My problem with Mother’s Day is more or less the fact that your mother should know how you feel about her without having a day dedicated to reminding her of how rotten you are as a son or daughter during the rest of the year.

On the bright side, Mother’s Day is a neat way to show that you aren’t that bad a child.

My mother is turning 80 years old next year and I think that’s pretty good for someone who has had such a rich, full life filled with both pain and joy. She survived the Nazi invasion of France, fell in love and married my father and then took care of him for 26 years after he suffered a near-fatal heart attack at age 49. She has two sons and a raft of grandchildren who love her dearly. […]

New Celebrity Dads – Over 50 (A Commentary)

by Marc Parsont

12th child – Christopher – born to 73-year-old Charlie Chaplin (considered the oldest celebrity dad)

I recently read an article about older celebrity fathers: http://www.parentdish.ca/2014/03/14/fatherhood-celebrity-dads-50/#!slide=2483379.

The subject seems to repel and attract people with equal measure. As a new older dad, here are my thoughts about this:

On one hand, I chuckle quietly and say good for them. Finding love with a beautiful woman at any age is a blessing. On the other hand, I’m jealous that they have such beautiful wives—not that they have children.

Why should we be concerned about this group of actors using their wealth and fame to spread their seed(s)? Perhaps they have really good genes? They are certainly not the first males to use their wealth, power and prestige to father children with younger women. Increased longevity raises the possibility of older fathers. It’s inevitable and not really unusual. […]

Planning for the Future

by Marc Parsont

Radio Frequency Identification Chip

We have been told that every age has its positive and negative notes. If this is true, then I have been rooked. The stress is turning my hair gray and my otherwise sunny, warm disposition blue.

The whining is unbelievable for two children nearly six and seven years old, respectively. They must have learned how to whine from: the television, their mother, my mother and her mother, their friends and from some genetic defect not yet identified. Of the two, my daughter whines the loudest.

I was an angel, of course. […]

A Valentine For Heidi

by Marc Parsont

Unlike most sane men, I don’t fear and dread Valentine’s Day. My wife seems to be as much annoyed by the contrivance as I am.

Of course that doesn’t let me off from getting her a card. Her non-observance goes only so far. The card alone, is enough to bring back the cold sweats and reminders of my youth. Who gets a V-card? Who doesn’t get a V-card? […]

The War Between the Sexes

by Marc Parsont

The war between the sexes never really ends. I’m not talking about the inequality in wages, the glass ceiling, the cost of dry cleaning or hair styling or being taken advantage of by mechanics in general.

I’m talking about toilet seats. Up or down. And the general leading the charge in our house is my six-year-old son. […]

Random Holiday Thoughts (From a Curmudgeonly Mr. Mom)

by Marc Parsont

The way I see it, the holiday season should be spent practicing the rotten things we do to each other and our children. Then we can spend the other 11 months being kind and gentle and loving.

For example:

All the whining and begging for gifts. Can I have this please? Can I have that please? Is that all I get? Is that all I can have? I want more! I want that! And that’s just me!

Let’s fight for parking spaces and curse each other out loudly in front of our children. Let’s trample people down hunting for a $200 toy that our children break in 20 minutes or forget about in one day. Who hasn’t heard that wail and lament, “I don’t have anything to do.” […]

I Hate Amusement Parks and I Hate Water Rides

by Marc Parsont

I hate amusement parks and I hate water rides, both interesting admissions since I worked for Euro Disney, now Disneyland Paris and for the International Association of Amusement Parks & Attractions. As Mr. Mom, though, I have to smile and pretend that I enjoy both of these irritations.

My experiences during our late summer family vacation might resonate with those curmudgeons like me, who prefer the comfort of staycations as opposed to commercial venues. Trip preparation in our house starts with demonic cleaning of the house and me doing mounds of laundry. Can’t come home to a dirty house now, can we? […]