Marc Parsont Archives - Page 2 of 5 - Mothering in the Middle

Valentine’s Day Regaling (Two Parts of Many Thoughts)

by Marc Parsont

Round One

You think North Korea, Russia and Syria cause trouble? The Cabal that should make your blood curdle exists in secrecy. Men around the country feel their icy grip each year on Valentine’s Day (and beyond).

Dentists and their steely compatriots, florists, smile and mock us. As they grow stronger, they add more underlings. You think Personal Trainers really want to make you healthy?

They have no pity. You can almost imagine our villains cackling and rubbing their hands together as men all over the country ply their loves with chocolate and candy. […]

(The True Joy of) Having Children – A Rebirth, Of Sorts

by Marc Parsont

Many of us want children. I know I did. How else can you get onto an airplane before all the luggage bins have filled?

Children provide us with the ability to skip work, miss deadlines, avoid boring parties and generally provide us with irrefutable alibis. […]

Happy Chriskwanzaramadanikah!

by Marc Parsont

Happy Chriskwanzaramadanikah! The holidays are upon us and/or in some cases have passed us by with more threatening in the wings. Without exaggeration or millions of painful anecdotes, we can start another spending like there’s no tomorrow, fight over parking spaces and eat until we’re gorged baccanale. Boy, am I ever excited! […]

Shoes

by Marc Parsont

Our kids keep us running from sports, to birthdays, to holidays and I finally figured out that I’m in the wrong business. I should have been a shoe salesman. My daughter, “L,” dances ballet, plays soccer and appears to be on a course to pass Imelda Marcos for her shoe collection.

My son, “B,” plays soccer, started wrestling, basketball, baseball and if it’s not bad enough that each of those sports requires different footwear, it appears as if his feet have taken his body hostage. His feet must be screaming, “Feed Me Seymour,” like the plant from “Little Shop of Horrors,” because they’re growing like weeds! Kid’s shoes have always been good business, but now it has become big fashion as well. […]

My Thanksgiving Thoughts….Starting With Halloween

by Marc Parsont

“She who must be obeyed,” blames my son’s bad table manners (and manners in general) on my lack of couth and a poor upbringing. I agree that I lack myriad social graces, but my wife disagrees that my atrocious manners stem from my difficult upbringing as a single child. My brother disagrees with this interpretation as well.

(With that in mind…) I am going to use my dismal table manners to teach your family, children and adults alike, the proper way to enjoy Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving preparations begin with Halloween. Apart from problems such as stroke and coronary disease, everyone needs to start eating twice as much food as they normally do. […]

Why We Celebrate Birthdays (In Honor of “B’s”)

by Marc Parsont

My son, “B,” turned to me last night as he was getting ready to fall asleep, and asked why we celebrated birthdays? After doing something unusual, like actually researching a few articles online, and hold on—thinking about it for more than a minute, I came up with some really good reasons we celebrate birthdays.

We love thinking we’re younger than someone else. Joe Schmo is getting older, hard of hearing and flatulent. We haven’t gotten there yet, so obviously, we are superior to Joe Schmo. […]

My Many Holiday Thoughts….

by Marc Parsont

It’s difficult for me admit, but I’ve been taking my kids chocolate from their plastic pumpkins. I wish I could say it’s only a few pieces, but it’s not. I’m like a Viking raider plundering and pillaging. At least I was until my wife caught me.

Then both she and the nanny hid the kids candy. I found it. They caught me again and this time they threw the candy away, but not before I squirreled away a piece or two for a rainy day. I tell you this as a precursor and cautionary tale about my other favorite holiday, Thanksgiving. […]

Life Comes in a Tube of Toothpaste

by Marc Parsont

My wife is particular. Favorite brand of this. Won’t touch that. I understand and try and adapt to this part of her nature. I’m not sure I’m that much better anyway.

It didn’t bother me when she asked me to pick up some toothpaste for her at the local drugstore. How hard is it to pick up some toothpaste? That was my first mistake.

I mean, how hard can it be? Keep this in mind. The last time I bought toothpaste was a little over a year and three tubes of Cinnamon toothpaste gel ago. TGFA (Thank Goodness for Amazon!)

Well, let me tell you. That gooey, paste or gel can make your brain swell and pop — like one of those science fiction movies with the exception that you’ll have whiter teeth and better smelling breath. […]

Older Parenting

by Marc Parsont

Becoming an older parent, while gratifying, is downright scary. We married when I turned 45 years old, and she was not. Like any G-d fearing, country-loving man, I married a younger woman – an intelligent, loving woman who wanted children, with me no less.

We were fortunate. While having children wasn’t easy, it wasn’t impossible. We faced difficulties, tragedies that tested our love, and had two lovely children thirteen months apart.

I do not write of our success to make you feel jealous, unhappy or sad or awful. I am writing to tell you of the fear I have right now about being an older parent, while writing to you from the emergency room of our local hospital. […]

Vacations Aren’t for the Weak at Heart
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Vacations Aren’t for the Weak at Heart

Commentary, Daily Living, Midlife Foibles!

Vacations Aren’t for the Weak at Heart

by Marc Parsont

The fact that I don’t have Type 2 Diabetes comes as a shock to every medical practitioner I see. I’m just coming down from the sugar high I had last night at Rehobeth Beach, Delaware.

They had a bonfire at the beach where they provided marshmallows for children to roast or as it appeared to me, flame them down to a charred, black tar suitable only for sliming back into the primordial ooze. […]