Her Mentor Center Archives - Mothering in the Middle

Mother’s Day: Five Tips to Caring for a Mom Who Never Really Took Care of You

By Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

Are you dreading Mother’s Day again this year and worrying about what to do for your mom? Perhaps you have never been close or are now estranged and feeling angry. Have you cut the mother-daughter ties and ignore the day, but remain resentful and sad? Or do you pretend everything is OK and give her a gift anyway?

Even though the media lead us to believe that all mothers deserve flowers and chocolates, if you don’t have a good relationship, this ‘special’ day can be agonizing. […]

10 Tips for Coping With January Blues

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

Feeling down in the dumps now that the holidays are over? If you’re hoping for something uplifting on these dreary days and cold nights, you’re not alone. T.S. Eliot, in The Waste Land, said, “April is the cruelest month.”

But studies have found that for the majority of Americans, January is the most depressing month of the year. […]

8 Tips For Boomer Women To Better Enjoy Their Friendships

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

We can say without a doubt that intimate friendships have always been important to women. But have you noticed that they’ve become even more so as you face the transitions of children growing up and parents growing older?

Findings from a recent MacArthur Foundation Study indicate that the emotional security and social support that these relationships provide for women have been a survival strategy for them in adversity. In fact, friendship is one of the keys to a long and more satisfying life. […]

Isn’t Sibling Rivalry Normal?

by Phyllis Goldberg Ph.D., and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

Sibling rivalry is normal. Fights between sisters and brothers are so common that they’re often dismissed as just part of growing up. But a recent study from the University of New Hampshire finds that sibling aggression is associated with increased depression and anxiety in children.

Although physical and emotional aggression by peers is generally thought to be more serious than by siblings, the present findings showed no independent effects. That is, the results of those experiencing persistent and unmonitored aggression, whether from siblings or peers, did not differ. […]

GEMS for Working Moms

by Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

Is your life an endless cycle, revolving around work and taking care of the kids? If so, you’re not alone. In a recent study by the Families and Work Institute, ½ of American women say they don’t have enough time to spend on themselves and for the activities they enjoy. We all know that saying ‘yes’ to more responsibility can make us feel safer with the boss and help us avoid conflict in the family. But too often ‘yes’ is our default mode with just about everything. […]

Brain Fog and Menopause

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D., and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

Jokes about menopause often get a laugh. But if you’re a woman approaching a certain age, hot flashes and memory issues aren’t so funny. It’s comforting to know that researchers are taking this seriously – a new study indicates that menopausal memory lapses are normal.

According to the results from the University of Illinois and Northwestern University, concerns about memory are not a figment of your imagination. Subjects who reported difficulties remembering did not perform as well on objective cognitive tests. And it took those who experienced more hot flashes and more negative emotions longer to solve memory problems. […]

Managing, Not Marking Time

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D., and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

Do you sometimes feel like time is getting away from you? I make list after list of what I want to accomplish each day – and often get a large chunk completed – but never seem to get everything done. Now that I make my lists on my PDA, it’s easier to just change the date and roll the reminders over to the next day. Yet the sense of satisfaction that I feel when I do finish a project is a great motivator to become more focused so that I can attain more of my goals each day. […]

Parenting After Weiner-gate: Talking to Your Kids About Lying

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D., and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

Anthony Weiner is no longer front-page news now that he has again been disgraced by his behavior. As a parent what can you make from Weinergate, that perfect storm mix of politics, power, sexting and lying?

The media frenzy over the ex-Congressman’s behavior provides a clear teachable moment for our teens. Given the dramatic effects of the inappropriate messages and photos he sent and the devastating results of his untruthful words, we can talk to our kids about the serious consequences of making bad decisions. […]

Parents As Positive Role Models

by Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D., and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D

Photo courtesy of beingnewton.com

Your children – whatever their ages – may or may not do as you say, but chances are they’ll do as you do. There’s no getting around it. You serve as a role model through your attitudes and behavior inside and outside the family. Just remember, someone impressionable is watching, listening and learning from your example.

Should you be flawless? Of course not. But show them your best self. You can use these practical tips as you teach your kids how to:

Solve problems. Children need to know how and why you make the choices that you do. They learn what you value every time you make the extra effort. Your decisions don’t only impact you, so talk to them when you consider your parents’ needs before your own, put money in their college fund, help out in the homeless shelter. […]

How to Love Your Kidults by Letting Go

By Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

Are you a loving but hovering parent? Parents typically are raising fewer children today and have actively pursued an only-the-best policy from infancy on. So far, the progeny of Helicopter Parents have reaped the benefits from some of these advantages. Record numbers are attending college and the rate of teenage pregnancy is down. […]