Cyma Shapiro Archives - Page 2 of 5 - Mothering in the Middle

Nine Tips On How to Prepare For (New Older) Mothering Over 40, 45 and 50!

by Cyma Shapiro

Photo by Shana Sureck

You are so happy! You see the finish line before you and are racing toward new older motherhood with joy and trepidation. However, you haven’t thought out the rest of this journey. In fact, I’ll bet that you haven’t thought much past the blessed event.

Whether you are marrying into a family with children, are adopting, fostering, having children through a surrogate, undergoing natural childbirth or IVF, or becoming a guardian, the end result may be the same.

Here are nine tips for planning in advance:

1) Shore up your support team – whether it is friends, family, a therapist or support group. You are about to be embark on the ride of your life. Having cheerleaders around you cannot hurt. […]

The Fall of My Reflection (A Nod to Rosh Hashanah)

by Cyma Shapiro

(Stepping through that “time of life”) The nature and rhythm of my life has changed. What used to be simply firecrackers and passion, fast movement and hard-fast determination, has become a slightly mellower shade of honey, and flows at that very same pour-speed.

What used to be denial of things/time of life/aging has now become sobering, hard-core reality that we must savor each and every day, and that each and every day really is someone else’s last.

What used to be dreaming and planning for something (what?) has given way to acknowledging the present moment… and accepting it.

And, that all the determination and precise planning we give to everything simply cannot belie the fact that someone/something has greater power than we do.

This year, I will breathe in acceptance of the fact that I do not know it all; maybe do not know most of it; and that all of that knowing doesn’t mean that circumstances might not change it all – in an instant.

I know now that all I know is that I am alive and breathing and trying my best… each and every day.

The Long Wave Goodbye

by Cyma Shapiro

Dear Reader: This is a rewrite of a previous post. Forgive my liberties in reprinting those few posts which resonate with me and provide a framework for all that follows. This pays homage to the start of school, the passing of time, and the recognition that having children changes it all.

Today, I waved to my daughter riding away on the bus. The silly kind of wave – two arms flailing, as if flagging down a passing ship. I was also jumping up and down. We both continued waving until the bus was out of sight.

Walking back to my house, I had a lump in my throat. I am sad. Sad for the absence of these experiences with my own mother; sad for the time which is passing so quickly; sad, too, that I see that my parenting must be working well – my own daughter still longs for me and keeps me in her sight. I did not have that with my own mother.

I will continue to try my hardest to fulfill that need, until her hands stop reaching for mine, the arm waves stop and I see her waving to her friends, not me. That time is coming. In fact, it’s just around the corner. […]

A Community of Mid-Life Mother Bloggers (In Celebration of Mother’s Day)

by Cyma Shapiro

Nine years ago, while sitting in the Moscow Marriott at age 46 with my newly adopted year-old daughter, I realized that I was going to be old when she graduated from college. The “old” was nearly my grandmother’s age – old! This was the very first time I’d ever felt my mortality and had ever even stopped to consider my chronological age. I had long ignored the biological clock theory thinking that it was mere hyperbole.

Although it came as a shock to me that I had not previously become pregnant, on that cold winter’s night nearly 9,000 miles from home, I finally felt my life begin. My age was a nagging problem, but at that moment I was filled with pride, joy and the fullness of starting a new family. I could see nothing but rosy times. Or so I thought. Little did I know that I had just joined a new club – moms over 40 – with no dues-paying members and no glue to bind them. Little did I know that in reality, I was one of them. (Two years later, we adopted our son).

Since then, I’ve made it my mission to expose the world to the group I call “Midlife Mothers” – that is, women choosing motherhood over 40. I have been featured on NPR and written for numerous online sites including Psychology Today and the Huffington Post. MLM entities MotheringintheMiddle.com and NURTURE: Stories of New Midlife Mothers (the only art gallery show dedicated to presenting women choosing motherhood over 40; now traveling North America) are intended to present a voice, face and forum.

Together with other midlife mother/women bloggers, we are helping redefine women in mid-life, dispel myths about who we are […]

Mother’s Day Cards

by Cyma Shapiro

Dear Reader: I wrote this blog post a handful of years ago for MotherhoodLater, but have rerun it every year. I also received those flowers from my stepson several years ago. However, the two experiences have reaffirmed the power of motherhood and my joy at being a mother.

It’s amazing how one year can change things; how motherhood makes us forget what happened when our children were younger or youngest; how they came into our lives and what changes we needed to make once they were here.

I can honestly say that I am nearly fully comfortable in my Motherhood-clothes, a role that I played well in the beginning, but one that I now don each day with ease in the same way that I donned singlehood for many, many years. I won’t say that there aren’t days I wish I could wake up, yawn, and go down for coffee all on my own time, my own rhythm. I will say, however, that I’m the happiest that I’ve ever been – now that I have children. […]

Motherhood: Lies, Secrets and a Culture of Shame (A Mother’s Day Promise)

by Cyma Shapiro

I believe that we, as women, live in a culture of shame, failure and inferiority regarding our attempts to reach, and our paths to achieve, motherhood.

There, I’ve said it.

I believe that our gender – known for compassion, nurturing and strength – has created a hierarchy of sorts rating the exact method, age, and end result of securing motherhood. Note the whispers about actress Kate Winslet, who was purported to have lied about utilizing natural childbirth when she had a C-section. Or, Halle Berry, who has until-now failed to show the “bump,” and is the focus of stories indicating that she may be using a surrogate. To me, none of this is anyone’s business – and certainly not ours. […]

Motherhood, with Gratitude

by Andrea Lynn

Kristi and children by photographer Tracy Cianflone

I finally saw the NURTURE: Stories of New Midlife Mothers* photo exhibit. I’ve seen many of the photos on the website, of course, and knew about the project before I started blogging here. I consider the creator of this whole Midlife Mothering project an old friend, though I suppose it has only been a few years. But, seeing the photos in real life, and reading the stories of the mothers and their children in black and white, was different.

We read so much online now, it seems rare to be standing before a real photo, much larger than my computer screen, and reading the stories in person, as others shuffled around me, sharing the exhibit space in downtown Toronto. […]

Traditions

Cyma Shapiro

As another Passover approaches, I can’t help but think back wistfully to my childhood with Eastern European grandparents and all that it held for me – the incessant Yiddish conversations, the Yiddish radio broadcasts; a home that smelled from a mixture of fish, moth balls and sometimes sweat. The odors that emanated from the kitchen during Chanukah, Rosh Hashanah and Passover, all of which have stayed with me to this day. The ever-present small Russian shot-glasses rimmed with “gold” are missing, except for the imprint they’ve left in my mind. Most of all, I remember the laughter and large tables filled with food, surrounded by extended family. […]

Interview with Josie Iselin, Author of Heart Stones and Sea Glass Hearts

by Cyma Shapiro

Dear Reader: Heart Stones is my most favorite Valentine’s Day book, ever. I own and have given several of Josie’s books for presents. MitM is honored to feature her, for Valentine’s Day.

Q: Josie, your first book is called Loving Blind/Seeing Red: A Mother’s Decade. It features a series of images with connecting anecdotes about life with small kids which was inspired by your earliest path through motherhood. As the mother of three children, now ranging in age from 15 to 20, they appear to be your driving force, motivation and inspiration. Please tell me more about your journey with them and how it has contributed to your finding your life’s work.

I had my first baby (20 years ago nearly today in fact!) at midwinter break in the second of three years of an MFA program and when done, I thought I would be teaching pretty consistently. But teaching in the arts is initially a transient thing…The reality was that the best economic model for our family was for me to be home with the kids…and it was a gift to us as a family and to me as an artist. My studio is just downstairs (through the backyard) from the kitchen and my work and life are intertwined, physically as well as psychically. My kids and my husband always inspire me to do better work. […]

Putin Signs Law Barring U.S. Adoptions (A Commentary)

by Cyma Shapiro

Dear Reader: Please read a portion of the Huffington Post article on Putin’s barring of U.S. Adoptions and my Huffington Post commentary:

MOSCOW — Defying a storm of domestic and international criticism, Russia moved toward finalizing a ban on Americans adopting Russian children, as Parliament’s upper house voted unanimously in favor of a measure that President Vladimir Putin has indicated he will sign into law.

The bill is widely seen as the Kremlin’s retaliation against an American law that calls for sanctions against Russians deemed to be human rights violators. Dozens of Russian children close to being adopted by American families now will almost certainly be blocked from leaving the country. The law also cuts off the main international adoption route for Russian children stuck in often dismal orphanages…There are about 740,000 children without parental care in Russia, according to UNICEF.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/26/russia-adoption-ban-against-us_n_2364481.html For those of us fortunate to have adopted internationally, especially from Russia – my ancestors’ homeland – today’s headlines are maddening and saddening. I am especially struck as I think back to the adoption of my two youngest, from Russia, and the undeniable obstacles, roadblocks, and sheer exploitation we endured, just to have what we so fervently and passionately desired – our children and a family. With multiple and repeated unnecessary trips to Russia, countless dollars, tears, and humiliating experiences and circumstances to endure, to have held our children in our arms and touched down on American soil (thus, cementing their citizenship) began the healing of it all. Until now. […]