America's Divorce Coach Archives - Mothering in the Middle

Mother’s Day Q&A with Faydra Koenig – America’s Divorce Coach

Q- Faydra, this year Mother’s Day falls on my weekend with the children. I know it sounds selfish, but I don’t want to give up my time with the kids. Is it wrong for me to expect her to let them be with me this weekend? -James, Iowa

A– James, you present a question that comes up a lot with divorced couples. When families are already divided by time and location, it is difficult to want to deviate from the custody plan. Typically, families are in agreement that Mother’s day and Father’s day are spent with the respective parent. I would ask that you put your motives in check and if you aren’t just trying to hurt your ex by default, see if there is a mutual compromise. Perhaps the children can come and go home early for Mother’s day on Sunday. Perhaps your ex isn’t as affected as you might think, and is comfortable celebrating on an alternate day. Communication is key and remember what you sow you shall reap next month on Father’s day. When in doubt, let kindness rein. […]

Q&A with Faydra Koenig – America’s Divorce Coach

Q- Faydra, It’s baseball season and my ex keeps bringing his new girlfriend to the ball park to watch our son play. It feels disrespectful and I find myself paying more attention to them than to my son. I want to tell my ex not to bring her to the games, is this out of line thinking? Cecily- California

A-Cecily, If your divorce wasn’t that long ago, you may still be feeling a lot of unresolved emotions that are taking your attention away from the reason you are there, which is to enjoy your son. What is great about this situation is it may be alerting you to the fact that you need a safe place to process your thoughts and feelings. If you haven’t sought therapeutic help, it might be a good time to meet with a counselor and see what you can do to get past these feelings and back into the game, so to speak. […]

Q&A with Faydra Koenig – America’s Divorce Coach

Dear Reader: We’re pleased to present our newest contributor – Faydra Koenig, who will be available for any questions and/or issues you might have. Please forward any questions to midlifemothers@gmail.com. She will be happy to help you!

Q- Faydra, my husband left me and our young son for another woman. I feel so many emotions inside including anger, betrayal and insecurity. What is the first step for me? – Sarah from Oregon

Faydra- Sarah, first off let me say that I am so sorry that this is your current reality. I understand how you are feeling and want to encourage you to consider a few things as you move through these initial few months.

First off, infidelity rarely has to do with your adequacy as a wife, woman or mother. Studies have shown that men and women who cheat on their spouses were rarely seeking to hurt their spouse. Most often, people cheat because there are unresolved issues plaguing them and the cheating becomes an escape. Second, if you live in a state that has a no-fault divorce ruling, you will not be entitled to any sort of advantage during your proceedings because your spouse cheated. Many people feel they are entitled to more because they are the victim of infidelity. Last, it may be difficult to keep your emotions in check right now. Please engage with someone who has the training to help you keep your head and make important decisions. […]