adoption Archives - Page 2 of 4 - Mothering in the Middle

Adoptive Moms and Mother’s Day

by Jane Samuel

When is a mom really a mom? When do we get to stand up and take the recognition being handed out in the Hallmark card aisle and the pews at church? In the newspapers and May issues of women’s magazines? In the perfume and jewelry departments? In the breakfast-in-bed rooms and brunch-serving restaurants?

In my younger-I-know-it-all days I would have answered, “When you give birth and raise that child you get the card, the flowers, the hugs and kisses.” Then life experience expanded to include miscarriages and adoption. Despite feeling just as fully a mother on those occasions, my perception of myself did not always match the outside world’s opinion of me. Indeed I would be rich if I had a dime for every time I was asked if I was my Asian daughter’s “real mother?” […]

Mother’s Day Month – Essay #1 – The Term “Real Mother” Confuses Us

John M. Simmons

Mothers’ Day has always been a tough one at our house. My wife, Amy, came from a home where she was abused by her father and her mother did nothing to stop it, as long as he provided the meal-ticket.

At fifteen, Amy went into foster care where she was used to raise younger foster children while the parents partied. My daughters suffered unimaginable abuse at the hand of their birth-mother in Russia. My youngest son, Denney, also from that country, was betrayed by his birth parents, too.

Sarah was five when she joined our family. She was plenty old enough to know what was going on and to play a part in life-altering decisions. She’s now fourteen. Recently Sarah came to me and said: “I miss Mama Oksana.” (That’s the name we have always used for the birth-mother of our daughters). “I used to hate her. Is that okay?” Tears filled my eyes as I wrapped my arms around her and told her it was not only okay, but good. Then I told her I loved her and that I was sorry it was so hard. […]

Third Daughter

by Hanni Beyer Lee

She is my fourth child and my third daughter. She holds a special place in the order of the family. She is my last child. The others are grown or grown enough to be out of the house. She is the child I long to be closer to. She is the child who pushes me away and the child who needs me the most.

In 1981, I gave birth to my son. I was 23 years old and single. In 1995, I married and at 48, in the prime of mid-life motherhood, I traveled to China to bring home my third daughter. Mei Mei means little sister in Mandarin. I traveled with my two older daughters, also adopted from China. We were a fearless bunch maneuvering our way through Hefei, the city where my third daughter is from; all speaking Chinese together and attracting a crowd wherever we went. […]

The Wait

by Michelle Eisler

Dust is collecting on your bedroom furniture-you notice when you drag yourself out of bed an hour after your alarm has gone off. You start circling the kitchen, trying to decide if you’re hungry or if you should wash the stack of dishes you’re pretending aren’t there. Mid-afternoon thinking is should you make another cup of coffee to perk up as you check your email for the tenth time.

By 9pm you want to go to bed as you’re exhausted but it seems too early, at 10:30 you have a second wind and decide to watch one more TV show. Come 1am you finally go to bed and promise that at the sound of your alarm you will get up, exercise, and shower before you start your day. And then the cycle starts again. If this sounds familiar, you might be a waiting parent.

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Books for Adoptive Moms and Their Children

by Carly Seifert

As I navigate this crazy journey of being an adoptive mother, I have found that books have been one of my most valuable resources. For me — books are what give me guidance, sanity and a little bit of solidarity. For my kids — books help them feel empowered as they grasp unique situations and concepts.

I’d like to share with you some of my favorite books that focus on building a connection with your child as you celebrate their stories and uniqueness:

1. The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis: Since I can’t have the Wise and All-Knowing Dr. Karyn Purvis following me around my house and helping me deal with every situation, this book is the next best thing. If you read no other book about adoption, READ THIS ONE. It will help you build compassion and connection (hence the title) with your child.

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On Failure, Forgiveness and Cutting Ourselves Some Slack

by Peg O'Neill, M.D.

Dear Reader: This is a reprint of a previous post.

We forgot about “Gotcha Day.” In the world of adoptive families, this is a significant faux-pas. “Gotcha Day” is the celebration of bringing a non-biologic child into the family. For us, it commemorates the day our family became whole; the day that my husband and I were given the gift of our precious child and entered the challenging world of raising multiple boys, with all the craziness, motion, joy and exhaustion.

For my older son, it was the day he became a sibling and began his journey as a big brother. For my adoptive son, though he was just six months old when he joined our family forever, it is akin to a birthday – a momentous event, a beginning, a symbol of who he is, at least in part. […]

The Birthing of Our Adoption (A Pre-Adoption Story)

by Denise Naus

There is a lot of focus during the adoption process on the children being adopted – as well there should be. They are only little children, after all, and going through circumstances they didn’t ask for or deserve. They are the ones making so many new changes – a new home, new family, and a new language.

But adoption doesn’t just affect the adopted children. It affects every single person in the family, and even reaches to the extended family and friends. For me, this journey has been three and one-half years of longing, torment, excitement and wondering.

I know it is difficult to understand until you have been through the adoption process. Know how one’s heart can fall in love with a child before they are in your family. How you can grieve for them and ache for them, when all you’ve seen is a photo (if that). […]

Should We Take The Only Thing They Have Left?

by John Simmons

Perhaps we should. My wife and I decided that it was the right thing to change our children’s names as we adopted them. This happened across the board, from Jack, who was only a month old when he joined our family, clear up to Emily who was fifteen.

That really upsets some people. My kids? Not so much. Recently a mom-blogger voiced her disagreement and so I decided to find out what my adopted children really thought. We had never talked about it before. […]

Soul Contracts – Do Our Children Choose Us?

by Jo Beth Young

Angel and Girl on Hill by Jo Beth Young

The Angels are always adamant that we have a beautiful karmic bond with the Children we choose and that choose us, whether they be by birth, adoption or fostering.

Those of us familiar with Soul Contracts won’t find this too hard to understand when we realize that all of our relationships, but particularly those of intimacy and depth, are all pre destined and chosen mainly in the spirit state before birth.

In the last year I’ve started to ‘see’ these bonds of contracts and soul seed paths behind people when they come for readings. They look remarkable; a cross between a star map and a string of pearls. Each strand showing us the agreements and ‘destiny’ points on our journey, with as much time and leeway as our free will wishes to join up dot to dot! […]

American Adoptive Parents Don’t Deserve the Heat

by Tina Traster

A few weeks ago, a filmmaker for Radio Free Europe spent the day with my family at our home in upstate New York documenting our “ordinary” moments. Olga Loginova, the filmmaker, promised to produce the six-minute documentary within a week. She said it was urgent to show the world there are “successful Russian adoptions.”

Why? Because Americans’ ability to parent Russian orphans has become a flashpoint in a complicated political struggle that began when Americans took aim at Russia’s handling of human rights by passing the Magnitsky Act. The conflict escalated after Russia retaliated by shutting down adoptions to Americans after more than two decades. […]