I attended a class on “how to become a foster and or adoptive parent” this past weekend. The class consisted of me and five couples. Three of the couples said were unable to have children and are considering adoption; two have grown children and want to foster or adopt. As the only single person there, I felt like a freak. But by the end of the first Friday night session, that feeling had subsided. We were all there for one thing only: to have a family.
The class consisted of a series of modules, or topics, which would help us understand the various aspects of pursuing foster/adoption: understanding the emotional state of children who enter the foster system; learning about the variety of home situations they come from; and discussing the (many!) responsibilities of foster parents.
It became clear to me that households with a stay-at-home parent are best suited for this. I am a working single woman. Fostering or adopting children is not like pregnancy; you do not have nine or more months to prepare. In this case, children come to you suddenly; they often have emotional, physiological or “special needs.” They may have physical disabilities. Few children escape this situation untouched in some fashion. As a foster parent, children might be with you for a few days, a few weeks, a few months, or, if you are lucky, a few years. Even foster-to-adopt does not ensure that you are secure with this arrangement. Some children ready for adoption may be thrust back into the chaos of biological parents wishing to reclaim them. Only after parental rights are terminated can a foster family be considered for permanent placement = adoption. This is not an easy circumstance for anyone.
The best thing I learned during this weekend was about a program called “My Turn Now. “ It is an adoption program for children whose parent’s rights have already been terminated. They may be an only child or siblings. This seems like the most appropriate route for me. When I was shown a booklet with pictures and profiles of some of the children who are currently available, my eyes welled up. It resonated that this might be where I will find my child…
The other thing that I gained from the weekend was to face the truth about my finances. A foster parent is required to have a surplus of income, after expenses. On paper, I show a small surplus, but it is pitifully small. Before this, life was only about my own (relatively small) needs. Now it is about (at least) two of us. Seeing this in black and white has motivated me to do something to bring in more money and build a financial cushion so that I can bring a child into a stable, financially-sound household. I am being faced with everything I never could face: the fact that I’m childless, but want a child; the fact that I’m single, but don’t have a mate; the fact that my income was always so small and never really enough. Now, I need to face it all, for the sake of my prospective family.
I surprised myself by filling out and passing in at least half of the paperwork required to be in the program. I’ve been known for not committing to much in my life. I am proud of myself; I am committing to getting and raising a child; in some small way, I am also committing myself to be “present” in my life. I feel my feet more firmly on the ground than I’ve ever felt. I know that there is a child who needs me as much as I need them. I am taking action in small manageable steps. I don’t even feel overwhelmed!
I will continue this process. I know I can.