I became a mom at 45. It wasn’t by design. I met my husband at 35, married at 38, and we tried to start a family six months after we married. To our surprise, that was no easy task.
After three invitros, two inseminations, a frozen embryo transfer and after mixing in four years of acupuncture, various shamans and healers, along with several miscarriages and a too-long process to adopt a baby from China, we finally became parents six ½ years later when we brought our son home from Ethiopia in August 2010.
I can honestly say I wouldn’t change a thing. I am grateful it took as long as it did because I have the most wonderful, amazing, challenging, lively, energetic son, and I love, love, love him.
We were fortunate to be in a position where one of us could stay at home. We figured since it took so long to become parents, one of us should be there for all the firsts. I had the lower paying job, and got the prize!
It will be four years that we’ve been a family and The Littlest E (for littlest Elliott) has been our son. So, I’ve been a SAHM for a bit now, but I’ve got to say the transition from work force to home force was intense. I had been working on and off for nearly 30 years and there I was – a (new) Mom to a year old baby! No longer was I a legal assistant, but a full-time Mom. It was a welcome big adjustment with a high learning curve.
I LOVED all the mom stuff – bonding, caring, changing diapers, feeding my little guy, and helping him learn and grow, though those first few months of getting used to each other and creating a schedule were filled with fear, anxiety, stress, and lots of tears to my husband. Over time, that subsided.
What I found difficult to grasp was running the house, doing the chores, creating menus and cooking, cleaning, and paying bills. When I gave myself a title, I rose to the occasion like I did at my previous jobs. I am now the Executive Director of the Elliott Family Residence. And, I must say, it’s been absolutely rewarding. Not a day goes by where I’m not grateful to have the chance to be The Littlest E’s mom and do what I do. I’ve been there for those firsts – walking, talking, and for the injuries. Being a mom is the greatest gift and the toughest job.
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR |
One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that it’s important to keep a part of me that’s just for me. I see moms and dads giving their “all” to their children and they have nothing left for themselves. Many parents don’t have a problem with that, and that’s wonderful – no judgment at all on my part. However, it’s not my path. I seek balance, family time, personal time, and couple time. It doesn’t always happen, but it’s always a goal.
The Littlest E starts pre-K in a couple of weeks and will be in school five days a week, which means more time for me. I’d like to go back to work, whether part-time or full-time and contribute to our finances so that the burden doesn’t fall solely on my husband. If a project I’ve been working on comes through, it could help many people. If that doesn’t happen, there will be a job out there for me somewhere. I’m not too worried; the Universe has guided me well so far. When the job thing happens, it’ll be another transition.
Until then, I’ll enjoy being a SAHM.
Melanie Elliott, 50, is a mom, wife, producer, blogger, and the Executive Director of the Elliott Family Residence. In her blog, Mom To The Littlest E (http://bit.ly/wjl4gp), Melanie writes about parenting and life as a transracial, international adoptive parent. Before starting her own blog, she wrote for LIFEclectic online parenting magazine. Melanie serves on the board of directors for Connect-A-Kid (www.connectakid.org), a nonprofit organization devoted to connecting every young adoptee with an adult adoptee mentor through their team mentorship program.
Once upon a time, she acted with California Shakespeare Festival (SF Bay Area), Eclectic Company Theatre (NoHo), and was a founding member of Woman’s Will, San Francisco’s all-female Shakespeare company. You can catch Melanie on Twitter tweeting @Mom2TLE. Littlest E is five years old.