Q: How is this book different than all the rest?
A: Lack of calm is imparting everything in your life. You and your child are connected by energy and the more you can channel positive energy, the better your child will be.
Q: How does a mom’s energy – stress or calm – affect the baby? How does mom’s calm benefit the baby?
A: Babies are extremely perceptive little beings and are constantly responding to the energy in their environment. Over the nearly two decades we have been working with families, we’ve spoken with hundreds of hospital staff and nurses, OB-GYNs, pediatricians – and they’ll all tell you that babies with calmer parents tend to be calmer babies, and more stressed parents tend to have fussier babies who often don’t feed or sleep as well and who grow into children who have a much harder time managing the ups and downs of life.
Calmer babies tend to feed and sleep better, are generally healthier, and grow into children who are very resilient; they’re good learners and problem solvers and accomplish their goals in life. It’s very important not to ascribe blame to the parents if their baby is fussy or colicky – all babies cry, and if your baby fusses a lot it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent – but what a lot of parents don’t realize is that they can actually be very proactive about lowering their stress, and it’s a lot easier than you might think. Believe it or not, even one deep breath can have an immediate calming effect on your child.
Q: Explain what you mean by everything is energy?
A: E-nergy is everything because ―”e” also stands for emotion. So energy IN motion causes a positive or negative effect. Every child is born for excellence, not just to survive. The energy will have a big effect.
Q: What do research and neuroscience tell us about the effect of a parent’s mood and energy on their child?
A: Plenty! Research shows that parents’ stress directly affects a child’s immune system, putting them at risk for illness and disease. One study showed that parental stress can impair neural wiring and lead to development of a smaller brain, and that sustained high levels of stress can damage areas of the brain important for learning and memory. A parent’s stress can even change the way a child’s DNA expresses as she grows. But going beyond stress, exciting new research, including studies looking at a certain type of neuron called mirror neurons, suggests that a child’s early social interactions can have a profound effect on both her current and future mood and behavior.
Preverbal babies perceive the world primarily from their right brain, which governs feeling, tone of voice, and body language; their survival instincts wire them to want to be just like you, so your child studies you closely and wants to feel what you’re feeling. The good news is that parents can be very proactive in nurturing their child’s development on all levels – intellectual, physical, emotional, and social – by choosing calm over stress for themselves and in their child’s environment.
Q: You say every child is born excellent – how is that?
A: A child is born excellent not just to survive. Inherent within its birth are five values: love, truth, peace, nonviolence and right conduct. How we nurture these values will determine the child’s excellence.
Q: In the book you talk about the “invisible umbilical.” What is that?
A: When the baby is in utero, the physical umbilical cord serves as a connection between the baby and the mom’s placenta. It’s a conduit for nourishment, though research clearly shows that the baby also picks up on mom’s stress and emotions, too. When the baby is born, the physical umbilical cord is cut, but the baby goes right on picking up on whatever mom is experiencing – calm, stress, sadness, irritation, conflict with dad – even after birth. The baby takes in information about mom based on her tone of voice, her eye contact, the way it feels when she holds the baby, and lots of other sensory cues. Mom and baby remain very much connected through this “invisible umbilical” as the baby grows – and mom has an extraordinarily powerful influence on the blueprint that sets a child’s mood, behavior, and thought patterns – and thus all of her experiences, positive and negative – for the rest of her life.
Q: Explain the invisible umbilical cord in % and E-motion and how it affects mom, dad, grandma and granddad?
A: E + motion = energy. When the child is being developed in its mother’s womb, it is a 100% connection. This connection stays for its whole life to its mom, which is why you might note that when a mom dies in a family, the family falls apart much quicker than if the dad dies. The mom represents 100% connection. The dad has a 90% connection at best with the child, and that is because the dad can’t have 100% because he didn’t have the experience of developing the child inside of himself. Grandma has an 80% connection, and granddad has a 70% connection.
Now here’s where they cross over: if grandma tries to push a bigger connection onto the child, she will become an interfering grandmother. If she just holds her 80% connection, she will become somebody to go to in time of need. If she drops below that, it’s because there is emotional content happening, like a negative emotion around the birth. Granddad same analogy.
Q: What can parents do to manage stress/be calm?
A: Everyone knows that eating well, exercising, and generally taking care of yourself are a good idea, but moms are often extremely busy and overwhelmed by all of the caretaking of their little one. So in Calm Mama, Happy Baby we offer some very simple, easy-to-use tools to help busy moms on-the-go manage stress and feel more calm no matter what is happening. These are things you can do while you’re with your child, driving, doing laundry – so it doesn’t require sitting in meditation for hours on end.
The easiest thing to do is actually to take several deep breaths. In our classes with moms, when all the babies in the room start fussing, we ask all of the moms to take three deep breaths together, and in about 15 seconds flat the room is so quiet you can hear a pin drop. It is an amazing illustration that a calm mama really does create a happy baby! The parents of older kids that we work with tell us that when they stop to take a deep breath or two, they are astonished to look up and find their child taking that deep breath right along with them. Kids want to be like their parents – they will mimic you whether you are stressed or calm!
Q: Talk a little about Ecology / environment of child?
A: The ecology around your child will affect everything about your child, and in fact create its future. From a grandparent’s input or not, to the colors you choose to have in the child’s room and what position in the house they sleep in, to the people coming in and out of the house and the energy they’re carrying – it all creates an atmosphere that leads to consciousness. People in the environment – gardeners, maids, sitters – may be undermining the instructions of the parents; in other words, the child can’t get mom and dad to give the sweets, but they can get the sitter to do it. How your relationship with your spouse is having a big effect on your child’s sleep patterns and the amount of crying the child does, to your breathing patterns to calm or upset your child.
Q: Why are parents today so stressed?
A: Lots of parents in western society don’t live near their families of origin and feel isolated. They often don’t have that grandma or auntie standing next to them offering wisdom passed down through the generations, the way other cultures do, or to share caretaking with. Or if they are standing there, there’s often conflict in the relationship. And unfortunately, moms often have a lot of people wagging their finger at her telling her she’s doing it wrong: the pediatrician, her family or in-laws, the parenting group leader, the so-called experts who’ve written books and claim that if you aren’t following their method or philosophy you’re screwing up your child – everyone has an opinion and it’s enough to make a mom’s head spin!
What we aim to do in this book is remind moms that they are the only true expert on their own child – along with the other parent of course. We show moms how to tap into their natural instincts to handle any situation that arises.
Q: Why is the mother’s intuition more important than even experts?
A: Because the mother, being 100% connected unconsciously to the child, absolutely knows when the child’s cry is coming from pain, hunger, or any other aspect whether it be positive or negative. This intuition will have to be strong when the mother absolutely knows something is wrong and the experts are saying there’s not. Or the other way around, the experts are saying there’s something wrong when there’s absolutely not. Why the mother’s intuition is more important is, it is the place of empowerment. Mom sounds like ― “om” – that’s why the connection is so strong.
Q: How can a parent best nurture her natural instincts?
A: In the book we offer a four-step process for how to bring stress levels down no matter what is happening with your child, and to tap into your natural intuition as a parent to know how best to respond in that moment. It works whether your child is fussing or tantruming or out of sorts, whether you’re at home or in a restaurant, whether your child isn’t sleeping or feeding well – it even comes in handy when you’re having a heated moment with your spouse! The steps spell CALM: Cancel negative thoughts, Allow your feelings, Link up & listen to your child, and Mirror what your child is experiencing.
Q: What about the different stages a child travels through?
A: It’s proven that the child in the womb can feel, hear, and experience everything that’s going on. So even though some people like to start the experience from the day the child was born, energy will tell you that it starts at the moment conception happens. So conception all the way through as the child is developing and right up to birth and then from birth it’s introductory into this world and the way it’s greeted is vitally important. Thank God the day of slapping a child on the ass to get it to cry is finished. Understanding the stages of development helps the parents to remain calm. Knowledge is king.
Q: In the book you talk about three important things that moms do that causes them stress. What are those?
A: Focusing on one or more of three negative thoughts, or ― “mama mantras”: I’m doing it wrong (ways that you judge yourself as a mom), You’re doing it wrong (ways that you blame others – ie, your spouse, your extended family – for getting in the way of your or your child’s happiness), and Things went wrong in the past or might go wrong in the future (ways that you stay stuck in the past or worry about the future, both of which cause stress). Focusing on these thoughts is a surefire recipe for nonstop stress. Getting out of your head and into your body, and taking responsibility for your own happiness, will help you, your child, and your family thrive.