Radio Frequency Identification Chip
We have been told that every age has its positive and negative notes. If this is true, then I have been rooked. The stress is turning my hair gray and my otherwise sunny, warm disposition blue.
The whining is unbelievable for two children nearly six and seven years old, respectively. They must have learned how to whine from: the television, their mother, my mother and her mother, their friends and from some genetic defect not yet identified. Of the two, my daughter whines the loudest.
I was an angel, of course.
Now, my seven-year-old daughter has two boyfriends. Great. I’m not sure she even knows what that means, but it still roils my stomach. I always tell fathers of daughters to start collecting those mini-baseball bats you get at the ballpark. They fit up a sleeve or in a pocket and can be used to instill fear and respect in any male. It’s nice to support your local team as well.
I find myself wishing for the saps the gangsters used to make and use. What a great holiday gift that would make for the father of any daughter of dating age. Brass knuckles are a little passe and would probably be caught in a security screening. Wood and sand make practical Father’s Day gifts, too. Don’t mind me – I’m just thinking into the future…
I find myself observing my teenage niece and young girls in general, just to try and gauge how my children’s later years may unfold. The range of naughty-to-nice just confounds me. Girls are mean to everyone, even their best friends. I know. I’ve been watching Barbie on Netflix and I remember how Miley Cyrus behaved. I know what’s going on.
My concern for my daughter has me planning extraordinary measures. One would be a straightjacket—for me. Another idea has me practicing safe phrases. “Go ask your mother.” “Whatever your mother says.” “I think you should listen to your mother.” “I’m sorry – I love you, but your mother is right.” “I love you, but it’s too dangerous.” I think as long as I start my sentences with “I love you,” things will be all right.
(Not!)
Let’s face it. I’d rather make a 14 year old mad at me rather than an adult female capable of wielding sharp objects. That would be my daughter and then my wife.
Safety and security for my daughter and my son weigh heavily on my shoulders. That’s why I’m happy that cell phones have GPS and tracking capabilities and that I can secretly videotape their (car) driving…or their in-house activities. Heck, I can even hire a private detective.
I think this is a good plan, and I have a few more years to really hone it.