Even with popular lists such as Hot celebrity moms over 40 and famous moms over 40, which usually include former Alaska governor and former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, singer Sheryl Crow, actresses Vanessa Williams, Halle Berry and Sarah Jessica Parker, there are lingering myths, especially about first-time moms over 35. If you are a first time mom over 40 or are considering motherhood over 40, take comfort. The myths may linger but they are far from being truths.
1) Myth: Women who give birth or adopt children after 40 will die or become gravely ill before her child becomes an adult.
Fact: According to Blogger Myra Turner, in the February 25, 2006 issue The Daily Mail, scientists at the University of Manchester report that the bodies of older mothers are likely to suffer less wear and tear than younger mothers because they tend to have fewer children. By having children later, older moms give their bodies a burst of estrogen which in turn helps keep skin, hair, bones and blood vessels healthy and also protects against osteoporosis.
Turner states that older parents often become older healthier parents because they want to make sure they are around for their young offspring. This means making healthy lifestyle changes such as stopping smoking, eating healthier, losing weight, and getting more exercise.
2) Myth: First time moms over 40 are selfish, career driven women who never had time to fit pregnancy into their busy schedule until after 40.
Fact: I will admit this misconception annoys me the most because I made such perfect post-high school plans. After college graduation, I would become a talk show host more popular and prosperous than Oprah, more beautiful than the top ten in People’s magazine and married to an equally successful “Super Christian” handsome man. Upon retiring in my late 20s from my talk show career, I would give birth to two perfectly behaved children who never whine. Did I mention that I would accomplish all these goals by the time I was 27?
Fortunately, high school plans always meet reality…thank goodness. While I have seen examples of women who were so busy with their careers that they only found time to squeeze a baby in seconds before their biological clock rung, many of us have wanted to get married and have children…much earlier than we did. However, because I’ve lived a while, I’ve come to realize that God’s timing for my goals—which have usually been in conflict with my timing– have always been the best for me!
3) Myth: Mothers over 40 do not have the energy to attend to the needs of a baby or young children.
Fact: This misconception must have been created by someone who never was a caretaker of young children!
The average newborn or toddler will zap the energy of any mother whether she is 22 or 42. I’ve had healthy strong parents in their twenties complain about being exhausted after spending a day with their toddlers!
Let’s talk about newborns. The average newborn cries more than any new mom ever anticipates. The average newborn sleeps from 15 minutes to 2 hours before waking up for feeding.
Translation: The best scenario with the best baby. Mom gets to bed at 11:00 p.m. She is awaken at midnight by the sweet whimper of her newborn. She is awakened at 2 a.m. by the sweet whimper of her newborn. She is awakening at 4 a.m. by the crying of her newborn. Baby does not want to go back to sleep until 5a.m. You tell me what woman whether she is 25, 35, or 45 wouldn’t feel zapped after getting out of bed several times at night to feed or just to hold and comfort her crying baby?
The truth is taking care of a baby is hard work and does require lots of energy. It’s important to eat healthy and, every now and then, to allow people you trust to watch your little one for an hour or two while you take a break.
4) Myth: Teenage children of older parents will be resentful or ashamed that their parents are not the same age as their peers.
Fact: The only thing you need to ease your fear about this misconception is a dose of reality. For almost three years, I have worked as a high school college and career specialist at a diverse high school of 2000+ students. Believe me when I tell you that all teenagers think that their parents are old. In fact, most students think that young people who graduated from high school in the last five years are old!
As you age and your children become older, remember that most children go through rocky stages during their teens. This has nothing to do with the age of their parents. Hopefully, as an older parent, you will be able to use wisdom, love and patience to guide your child through the teen years.