I have always felt there was a mystical path for my becoming a mother. It took longer and was more challenging than I could have wanted or expected. Through it all, I never doubted in my conviction that my destiny was to be a “mom.”
Life is a scavenger hunt and there are clues presented through following the vibration of the heart. Reason has nothing to do with Love.
Today, at 60, I am the proud mother of a young teenage daughter embarking on her future. I dislike labels, so I consider myself a late bloomer – not an “older mom.”
Yet, I also find myself in a tough place of introspection, realizing my years ahead will be less than the ones gone by in my “rear view mirror.” For the last few years, I am no longer someone’s daughter – I said goodbye to that sweet role with the death of both my parents.
I feel my own mortality for the first time and realize that life is short. None of this was important at 46, when I finally held my baby for the first time. In that moment, my JOY was timeless.
Motherhood is now clearly presenting the future possibility that my daughter could be changing my diapers at the same time she changing her own babies! This was never my intention or my desire, yet life presented me with some major road bumps. Looking back, my choices were often courageous expressions of my soul needing to live fully.
Today, those challenges have become my gifts of wisdom. Everything has a divine order if we trust the path and stay committed to the desire. Age, if lived well and consciously can be our best tool for parenting. (It’s just hard to learn that I now qualify for a senior discount at our local department store!)
Sometimes we get profound “angel” taps on our shoulders and we have to start listening. For me it was ending a first marriage when I realized I was the only one wanting a baby. It was also making a decision to go back to graduate school and leave a profession that was no longer nourishing my life. So, I picked up (from Hollywood) and moved to the Midwest on my 40th birthday, having heard a strong message to get to the “Heartland.”
I was nesting and somehow knew that stability was an “inside job.”
I met my future husband within the first year, and together we embarked on fulfilling our mutual desire for a family. After three miscarriages,( including a past etopic pregnancy), our daughter was born in a small village in Northern Vietnam in 2001 and ended up in my arms.
Motherhood is the role that came when I was able to listen and trust some inner knowing; I had to give birth to my Self.
For some, the Path takes some harsh truths and some detours on the way. For me, the Path continues to amaze and inspire me. Maybe, this is the key to staying youthful as an older mom.
Now, I just have to learn how to embrace the cellphone!