The whole issue of my age as a mother has never really bothered me. It is a miracle that I have Hope in my world and that both of us are healthy, happy and having such a wonderful time getting to know each other.
I don’t think of myself as an ‘old mother,’ simply as a mother. And, as such, I strive to be the best mother I can be. Nothing more complex – just doing my best for an amazing little girl and doing all I can to ensure that she has a secure and happy life. I think that’s as much as any mother can do and generally what most mothers – old, young or in-between aim for.
I was asked a few weeks ago to do an interview for a parenting magazine, via a very established and wonderful author. The piece wasn’t about age or parenting, but about writing. It was to feature me talking about this blog and what I do and don’t talk about and what it may mean to Hope in later life.
I wanted to do it “properly,” as I was proud to have been asked to be involved. So, I spent about a third of one of my precious ‘work days’ (when Hope is with her lovely child minder and I try to cram in everything from paperwork to washing to work to writing to charity work to local volunteering to thank you letters and mending broken toys or holes in clothes). That day, I set about answering all the emailed questions in as much detail as I felt was appropriate, and forwarded it to the author. She was delighted, thanked me and said she’d let me know if the magazine needed photography or if they had any further questions.
A couple of days later, she’d thanked me publicly on Twitter along with a delightful and very well known TV psychologist. (However) The writer then sent me an email saying that she’d been contacted by the magazine, to say, “I can’t use your case study in my piece, as you are ‘older than the demographic’ of the magazine. They need mums aged 27-37.” She went on to thank me, again, and apologise for the wasted time I’d spent.
I have no issue whatsoever with the writer, but I have, huge, HUGE issue with … a Mother and with a Baby (small clue there as to the title of the magazine), and that my story, which wasn’t an age-related piece, wasn’t perceived as relevant to their readership.
(With) Every interview I have done, I have been asked if I have had anyone responded negatively due to the fact that I am an older mother. My truthful answer has always been “no.”
I fully appreciate that the majority of new mothers in the UK are younger, but there are hundreds of thousands of women who have children above the age of 37 and, more importantly, there are hundreds of older women who want to have children and who are pondering embarking on IVF, adoption, surrogacy, donor journeys and just perhaps, reading the odd story about an older mother who was fortunate and blessed enough to have a little girl, might just give them some hope, too.
It has always been the media that has tried to put an angle into the idea of older mothers (apparently career obsessives who selfishly want their bank accounts full and their life experiences over before they have children – couldn’t be more wrong in my case). I coped with death, miscarriage, difficult life circumstances and major loss of income before I was lucky enough to get pregnant and subsequently give birth to my miraculous daughter. BUT, what I didn’t expect was for a magazine dedicated to Mother and her Baby (are you getting the title of the publication yet?) to snub a mother with a baby because of her age.
Don’t they realise that there are even celebrities having children into their 40s? Beautiful BBC TV presenter Kate Silverton had her daughter Clemency a month or so before Hope was born. She was 41, her journey had been long and arduous and her successful delivery was something to celebrate.
I did wonder (generously and fleetingly) if the magazine didn’t want to include me because it believes in educating younger women about issues around fertility and how it declines after 35 and dramatically over 40; and, they don’t want to raise hopes or make people feel complacently that IVF is always the “fall-back.” But it isn’t that; it is purely that I don’t fit their demographic.
So, it would appear that there is a gap in the market for a publication for older mothers and older mothers-to-be. I am also thinking that there may be a gap in the market for an intelligent magazine for mothers-to-be generally that isn’t divisive and that celebrates all motherhood.
Sadly, it seems that Mother and Baby isn’t that publication (oops, it slipped out) … and if the year-on-year increase in women having children older carries on then, perhaps there will be a gap in the market at some point where their ageist magazine (with its year-on-year decrease in both bought and read copies) once sat.
They claim to be, “the magazine that connects modern mums.” And adds, “We’re proud and delighted to offer our readers a trusted support network from the UK’s number one parenting brand with a 55-year heritage. This means providing practical solutions to all their parenting concerns, offering emotional reassurance from experts and other mums, and celebrating the excitement of starting a family.”
Clearly, they are not into sharing all mothers’ excitement at starting a family, or particularly in tune with ‘modern mums.’ ONS stats now saying 1 in 5 mothers giving birth last year were older mothers, i.e. over- 35 years old… Maybe the editor doesn’t realise…this…
Now, this ensures they will never feature me or ask me to write for them … and that is something that frankly doesn’t bother me. I am happy working with mainstream national newspapers, with the Cambridge News, with the BBC and with wonderful international websites (with more than 9,900 subscribers) like Mothering in the Middle and What to Expect.
BritMums, NetMums, MumsNet … these networks are where the ‘modern mum’ hangs out, and they are growing… and will leave the geriatric inflexible dinosaurs like M&P far behind.
OK, I’m climbing off my soapbox now. Time to take my false teeth out, put on my slippers and have a nice cup of Horlicks.
Too old?……Pah.
http://crazypregnantperson.wordpress.com/2013/05/18/too-old-for-us/