Earlier this evening, I was dumping old files from my computer and started pulling pictures of the kids out of computer memory. I smiled, but it was one of those half-hearted, oh-my-gosh I’m-getting-old smiles, because I barely even remember those little faces, anymore.
That’s probably one of the only reasons I put up with the holidays: I love my kids, unequivocally, totally and frighteningly so. I’m struggling to hold on to each stage of their growth, each milestone, every tear they shed. Sometimes I feel that I have no idea how to be a parent! Heck, I’m still having trouble being a grown-up.
But, here’s my biggest dilemma: I don’t really care about the gifts. I never know what to buy for the kids, the cousin’s kids, etc.
My wife, Heidi, thinks I’m not concentrating when the real truth is, I have no freaking clue what to get kids these days. Books are good. Books and underwear. You can’t have enough underwear—or socks. Everyone needs socks and you don’t even have to buy the same color socks. Everyone is wearing two color socks. You can score lots of holiday gifts just from going to the Lost & Found and looking for socks.
Or, you can just buy gift cards. They have fancy art designs during Christmas, so that when you give these painfully anonymous pieces of plastic, it appears as if you are really in the holiday spirit. We all know it means that you might as well buy the damn gift yourself.
I won’t bemoan the fact that Christmas decorations have already started to show up and, as I write, it’s not even Halloween, much less Thanksgiving. Old Hat, same story, so what? If you can’t separate the capitalism from the cranberry sauce, you’re probably not a rocket scientist anyway.
What REALLY gets me is non-stop holiday music. How many different ways can you sing any Christmas song? I must admit I like the end of year song lists though. “We’re playing the 500 best songs ever made. Join us for non-stop 1000 of the best songs of the decade.” You can catch up on a lot of music if you listen to those lists. Funny thing is, and don’t get me wrong, but it seems to me all those songs are in English. I guess the rest of the world must write lousy music.
My final holiday thought: Promise you won’t tell anyone, but I love Christmas movies. I’ll watch anything from “The Santa Clause,” to “Miracle on 34th Street,” every single year. I’ve got The Hallmark Channel on my remote as a favorite station. There’s so much schmaltz (chicken fat) on the Hallmark Channel, I’m surprised people don’t have massive coronaries just watching all that sweet, sticky, sentimental stuff. I think they need to move Valentine’s Day closer to New Years, and just after Christmas.
So, hug and kiss your loved ones. Take a real picture or two and have a wonderful Christmas, Chanukah and Kwanzaa…and a Happy New Year everyone!
I’ll be turning on my radio to see if I can find Bing Crosby singing “White Christmas.”