Q- Faydra, this year Mother’s Day falls on my weekend with the children. I know it sounds selfish, but I don’t want to give up my time with the kids. Is it wrong for me to expect her to let them be with me this weekend? -James, Iowa
A– James, you present a question that comes up a lot with divorced couples. When families are already divided by time and location, it is difficult to want to deviate from the custody plan. Typically, families are in agreement that Mother’s day and Father’s day are spent with the respective parent. I would ask that you put your motives in check and if you aren’t just trying to hurt your ex by default, see if there is a mutual compromise. Perhaps the children can come and go home early for Mother’s day on Sunday. Perhaps your ex isn’t as affected as you might think, and is comfortable celebrating on an alternate day. Communication is key and remember what you sow you shall reap next month on Father’s day. When in doubt, let kindness rein.
Q- Faydra, Since I am divorced, is it wrong to expect the children’s father to help them buy me a mother’s day gift? I don’t want to assume anything and don’t want mine of the children’s feelings hurt if things get awkward. Natalie, Texas
A– Natalie, that is a really good question. If your relationship with your ex is amicable, you have a few choices. You could offer to give him money to funnel to the children to buy you a gift if you feel it is not his responsibility or you could offer to have him pay for a gift and you promise to reciprocate for Father’s day. If you want to keep money out of the equation, ask your children to make you gifts or get one of your friends or family involved to help the children.
Q- Faydra, I’m struggling with issues of guilt this year because Mother’s Day is coming and my family is no longer whole. How do I make the best of the day when I feel so bad about it? Sarah, Kentucky
A- Sarah, each day that you are in your new reality, you are offered the opportunity to live in happiness or regret. It is a choice and entirely up to you. There is no doubt that the end of your marriage is painful and that Mother’s day is a reminder of what you had. The sooner you can get to a place of hope and belief in a better future, the sooner you can stop letting the opportunities to be in the moment pass you by.
You can learn more about Faydra and her services at www.AmericasDivorceCoach.us