First flowers given to me for Mother’s Day from my (step) son…so long ago…
I remember the first Mother’s Day card I received. It was ten years ago. I’d been a new mom for two months. I was a more than timid about reading the card; nearly embarrassed about acknowledging my new-found status.
It was similar to an incident which occurred around the same time. While at a local Blockbuster, my baby called out to me in front of some acquaintances. Unaware that I’d become a new mom, they nearly paled when they saw that I was the recipient. I couldn’t face them directly, but caught their disbelief out of the corner of my eye. I was almost embarrassed for them. I wondered whether I appeared “motherly enough;” whether they’d ever seen me that way.
I remember strolling my baby around town and having people express surprise seeing me as a new mom. I was now part of a club which I’d never ever thought I’d join, nor believed that I could be a member. I wasn’t sure how to act or what to do. Suddenly, the armor I’d worn in public was stripped – the world would now see what I’d always longed for (but hidden), would witness a more transparent person, not the one who carefully presented the image she had wanted to.
Now, “motherhood” held a different meaning to me. I realized that while nearly everyone could be a mother, not everyone could wear motherhood well.
So, finding myself in these new ‘clothes,’ I kept squirming – the arms were too long, the neck too tight; they were often too baggy or the wrong color. There was that same old embarrassment, again. Which brings me back to the Mother’s Day cards. As the years passed, the cards felt more appropriate, the words more endearing. The printed words “Mother” or “Mom” made me more joyful, made my heart skip a beat. While the experience became more customary and usual, it was the ‘same old, same old,’ but in a very, very good way.
This year, as I am looking forward to getting all my cards (breakfast in bed and presents?), I will gratefully open them and show my surprise/gratitude/happiness with laughter/crying/joy. And while I surely will express myself a little more exuberantly than usual, it will only be because I am just glad to be here and celebrating a day made for me.
Mother’s Day.
Dear Reader: This is a revised version of what I post annually. Most of it has remained the same, including my feelings.