Mindful Mama Lori Mihalich Levin is the mother of 2 children and a regulatory lawyer in Washington, DC. She is also guiding dozens of women as they navigate their way out of and back to work when their lives are transformed by motherhood. We sat down recently to talk about the origins of her 4-week online course Mindful Return.
After her own maternity leave, Lori noticed how other new moms at work rarely spoke about the changes in their lives, the intensity of their feelings towards their children, and how they coped. On one hand, her colleagues were undergoing a major transformation, but there was little outward acknowledgement at work that anything was happening. On the other, fearful of criticism or loss of professional status, the returning mothers dodged necessary conversations about pumping at work, child care hours, or poor sleep.
After years of education and experience, professional success and the affirmation of a regular paycheck, appearing less than “all in” often created feelings of anxiety and isolation. Everyone seemed to be struggling – employers maintaining the status quo which didn’t account for the better educated and child-bearing half of the population, and the returning mothers determined not to draw attention to their new roles and circumstances.
Lori set out to learn how the return to work could be managed better for all parties concerned. She looked at relevant laws (such as the Family Medical Leave Act, the right to pump at work in a clean and private place), and mindfulness-based stress reduction strategies. Leadership practices in the workplace, planning for logistical support, and the importance of community connections also received her attention.
She pulled together a proposal to create a “Returning to Work Community” at her office, based on her research and what she’d gleaned from conversations with her colleagues. The human resources department at her work place agreed to let her give it a try, and its wild success told her she had definitely found a gap and knew how to fill it. In tandem with her workplace pilot program, she devised a blog and an online four-week e-course.
Every Monday through Friday, participants in the course receive a lesson and a writing prompt, as well as online access to the other mothers in the group. Designed to require about 20 minutes per day of reflection, creative thinking and writing, you can log on anytime, exchange your thoughts and reactions with others, and share as much or as little of your experience as makes you comfortable.
The first session kicked off on January 12, and Lori reports that new moms are already sharing practical advice, participating in the community while feeding babies in the middle of the night, and reassuring one another that wanting to go back to work and wanting to be there for their babies are two completely normal.
The Mindful Return E-Course draws on two sources of strength – the power of social media, and as Lori says, the power of “me, too!” The internet allows moms to log on to the course and chat whenever and wherever they wish. Portability is essential as mothers are constantly in motion, dealing with myriad needs, multiple locations, and shifting activities. Without social media, this kind of maternal support simply couldn’t exist. Also, even though most women will become mothers by the age of 40, a woman experiences motherhood as an individual.
The needs of a baby mean hours at home, often alone, with perhaps too much time to wonder if the baby’s okay, if you’re mothering is adequate, or if you’ll ever shower again! The power of “me, too!” describes the relief and validation we feel when we learn that others are going through the same thing. It’s critical to hear from other moms when you are facing a challenge, like living with a newborn, returning to work, or getting used to a child care arrangement.
I find it very telling that in our anti-family culture, women like Lori are putting together the online communities we have been waiting for. As a society, we don’t honor the transition to parenthood (without which the economy would crumble and the nation would fall) with the time and financial security paid leave would offer moms and dads. We pretend every household has a 24/7 full-time caregiver, which hasn’t been true for many years, and at a time when the economy dictates most parents work. We expect women to transform themselves into mothers alone, at home, without a sisterhood of support, or worse, see them go back to work way too soon because they can’t afford not to.
Whether you’re headed to your cubicle, a corner office, or the next shift, working after baby is never easy. Emotionally, physically, and logistically the only constant is change and challenge. Rather than suffer and struggle, its makes so much sense for us to nurture each other, from wherever we are and with whatever we have. After looking at the Mindful Return site, you may wish to follow @mindfulreturn on Twitter, look at the Mindful Return Facebook page, or email Lori at mindfulreturn@gmail.com.
Mindful motherhood may be my new mantra.
‘Til next time, Your (Wo)Man in Washington
Reprinted with permission by (Valerie Young) Mom-Mentum, the Public Policy Blog of NAMC: http://www.mom-mentum.org/blog/focus-your-mind-on-motherhood
For more information: Lori K. Mihalich-Levin, JD, founder of Mindful Return and creator of the Mindful Return E-Course and blog, is Mama to two beautiful red-headed boys (ages 1 1/2 and 4) and is the Director of Hospital and GME Payment Policies at the Association of American Medical Colleges (AAMC). She founded Mindful Return to give new Mamas the tools they need to plan a peaceful, thoughtful, and successful return to work after maternity leave. Lori has been committed to promoting women’s equality and leadership throughout her career. Lori loves tickling her cuddly boys, reading them Cars Galore Cars thousands of times, sharing parenting adventures with her amazing husband, building supportive communities, and practicing yoga at lil omm.