I am both a thinker and a seeker. I think about everything and constantly seek answers. I recently wrote a blog post about “What If’s” – those nagging questions we all have about earlier adulthood. However, since writing the post, I find that most of my questions have not been answered. The most fundamental question also remains: As a (new) midlife mother – were I to live my life over again, would I do it the same?
These are the very questions at the heart of my NURTURE: Stories of New Midlife Mothers traveling art gallery show and project. Why do women choose motherhood over 40? How did they do this? What did they need to do this? How do they feel about new older motherhood? How did their family and friends feel? And lastly, were they to live their life over again, would they do it the very same way?
For me, the leap came at age 38 – when I first married. I think of it more like Peter Pan grows up. I knew that I had paid the Piper for too long; my false belief that I would live forever was beginning to shatter. However, I also believed that the biological theory was mere hyperbole: I had more time to start a family and I truly believed that the odds were stacked in my favor. I was wrong, and then wrong again. (In fact, I later found out that my belief that I could not be a mother, not to mention a damn good mother was wrong again.)
My daughter came at age 46 which was the new 36, for me. But now, over 50, I feel I have no choice but to reframe it all. The shameful truth is out: in many ways I “blew” the first round. I cannot blow it the second time around. And this time, the end post, the final goal, is straight ahead. While it appears way down the road, it is clearly right in front of me. Dodge it I might, but it remains the same.
And so, instead of being in a club of new midlife mothers, I wonder if we’re all closet Second Chancers? Thoughts?