Dearest Ryan,
I have been writing you letters on your birthday since you were four years old. Wish I thought to do this when you were younger. This year was about you blossoming.
You have grown so much this year. In early June you were on the tall side but had a little kid look to you with a roundness. Suddenly in July you were what seems like four inches taller, broad shouldered, and had a decidedly young-man-look. Your face is changing and you are wearing men’s sized clothing and shoes. You have become a strong young man. You often volunteer to carry heavy things for me.
You started this summer as a little boy. In July, your rapid growth had your brain chemistry thrown off and your behavior was hard to manage and you were just hard to reach. August brought a new found calm. When your Dad was away working on his big project you stepped in to be my right hand man. Often when Aaron was melting down you were the one to take the higher road in your arguments. I was so thankful for your calm head. I enjoyed the time we had together in August and I adored our “summer bucket list,” which was a list of things we wanted to do this summer. Last week, we crossed everything off the list with the time we spent at the beach.
Your transition back to school this year has been the smoothest transition you have ever had which makes me happy for you. You love school and your school loves you. We are working on a new IEP and new goals because you met so many of your goals last year. You still have your behavioral therapist and your behavioral consultant, OT, and speech therapies. You have learned to trust your team and the teachers and therapists at school. You try and use the tools they are providing you since you are managing your ADHD and sensory issues without the aid of drugs, which is very hard. It’s taken a while but it is working and I see you with a very bright future.
This summer you won high point for your age group on the swim team. I knew you were going to get the award because at every meet you shredded. I cried many tears of joy at home before the awards ceremony. You won this award swimming butterfly and breaststroke which for a kid your age are the hardest strokes, but then again of course you did. If you were going to get this award it was going to happen as you took the hardest route possible. This success was so sweet.
You want to be an inventor when you grow up. You ask a million questions about how things work. Lately, since you now sit in the front seat of the car I hand you my phone and you google your own answers to your questions. I adore this because I get to learn too. This week it was the difference between C4, dynamite, and TNT. Fascinating.
This year, Thorazine entered your life in a more than a periphery thing that Mom and Dad used to do. You regularly tell me how proud you are of your Dad and I for remembering to do what we love. You come to rehearsals and I catch you humming our songs as you ride your bicycle. You love to show the band off to the carpool kid and the pride on your face is unmistakable. I am glad to be able to show you that Moms can love their kids AND rock hard all at the same time.
Both you and Aaron seem to enjoy the band and have quickly made this a normal part of your lives. The guts in the band accept if we are going to be part of Thorazine, you and your brother are part of the package. Thanks for all your support, moving equipment and sitting through endless rehearsals. I appreciate it more than I can say.
I love you more than you could ever know. I am starting to get glimpses of the man you will be. I see you becoming an empathetic, smart, questioning, warm, and engaged adult who is tall with beautiful red hair. This is just the beginning. For now, you are eleven and enjoy everything about being a boy.
I love you with every molecule of my being,
Mom
Jo-Ann Rogan, 47, is the lead singer of the punk band Thorazine and bartends in Philadelphia at the legendary McGlinchey’s Bar. She started her blog, Punky Mama, in 2006. She is married to the guitarist from her band and they are the parents of two wild red head boys with diverse special needs. She can be found at: http://www.punkymama.com