I hope you don’t have one, but if you do, I’m guessing your court order looks something like mine: the child will spend Mother’s Day with Mom and Father’s Day with Dad, even if it is “supposed” to be the other parent’s weekend. That was all good and fine…. until I got remarried… and now my husband – the “step-dad” – never gets to have Father’s Day with his step-daughter. It’s heart-wrenching.
When my second husband and I were dating, my little girl told me, “When my dad goes to heaven, I want Biggie to be my daddy.” We called him “Biggie” because, as God’s humor would have it, he and my daughter have the same name, just spelled differently. Little did she know then that it wouldn’t be long before she’d get her wish. I remarried soon after my daughter’s 6th birthday. She delighted in being the flower girl for our wedding.
Now my forever-husband and my daughter are “like this” (picture fingers wound together tightly!) And, even though her birth father is still alive, my daughter calls her step-dad “Daddy” (much to her biological father’s chagrin.) I’m not about to forbid my daughter from calling him whatever endearment she feels comfortable. Honestly, if her dad got remarried, and she wanted to call his wife “Mom” I’d let her, without complaint, because I’m confident in my role as her mother… but I digress.Every June, this “holiday” comes around that makes our hearts ache. Our daughter goes away for the weekend to spend it with the man who helped bring her to life. Not only are we as her parents pained by her departure, but our daughter’s little heart is visibly torn in two. While she is away, the man who is helping to raise our daughter is seemingly excluded from this day of recognition called “Father’s Day.”
The man who nudges her awake to get ready for school; who regularly tells her she’s beautiful; who cuddles with her on family movie night; who helps her do her homework; who says “I love you” several times a day; who cheers for her at her sporting events; who teams up to help her clean up the kitchen; who plays with the dogs with her; who carries her upstairs to bed when she falls asleep on the couch; who disciplines her when necessary; who teaches her how a gentleman should treat a lady; who shows her how a husband loves a wife.
But you know what? We don’t need a *holiday* to say Happy Father’s Day. It’s just another “day” like any other 24-hour period of time. We can make ANY day “Father’s Day” and in fact, we have. We choose another Sunday in June to honor the step-dads in our lives. (I have one, too!) Someday there may be a “Step-Parents Day” to celebrate, but until then, we make a choice to not differentiate a dad from a step-dad or a step-dad from a dad. The extra “steps” aren’t necessary.
Being a step-father does NOT make my husband any less of a Father on Father’s Day. Because he fills that role with honor, dignity, respect and LOVE, every day is Father’s Day. Besides, our marriage brought us a second daughter, and now the four of us can make a holiday whenever we want it to be. We do the same thing for Christmas, Easter, and even Mother’s Day if necessary. No matter what the holiday is, we make a Biggie Deal of it when we are all together as a family. It’s heart-warming.
Christy Stansell, 45, is a professional journalist turned stay-at-home-mom turned entrepreneur. She’s gone from writing news stories… to reading bedtime stories… to telling and creating success stories. She is the founder of “Make a Choice to Have a Voice” – a campaign to raise awareness of verbal, mental and emotional abuse, one voice at a time – starting with her own. With two daughters six years apart (one now a teenager) and an angel son, Christy “gets” the challenge of trying to balance motherhood with a successful career. She revels in coaching survivors and others through her “5D Life Blueprint: Discover, Define, Design and Decide for the life of your Dreams” where she teaches tools, techniques and strategies to help women (and some men) to finally feel free and in control of their lives so they can get out of their rut and follow their gut to true health, wealth and happiness. She can be found @ www.makeachoicetohaveavoice.com