Years ago, I read an essay by a reform rabbi explaining why she didn’t allow her children to celebrate Halloween. It’s not a Jewish holiday, she said and, in addition, she abhorred the stereotypical images of women and girls as witches and bunnies and princesses.
I wanted to admire her integrity and determination in the face of societal pressure to celebrate a holiday she had issues with, but I couldn’t help but feel only sympathy for her kids. We go to the movies that day, she said in the article, and no one else is there. It’s wonderful.
Later, when I had a child of my own in daycare, another kid’s dad told me, “We don’t celebrate Halloween. We’re Christian.”
Wow. Halloween gets it from all sides, doesn’t it?Of course, there are non-religious objections to Halloween, as well: the overabundance of candy, the lesson to kids that they can make demands of complete strangers and threaten them with supposed harm, the danger of being hit by a car or getting candy containing razor blades or poison. Some of the costumes are scary or gory and the entire holiday is deranged.
True, all of it. And still I love Halloween.
Let’s take these objections one by one, why don’t we?
This is not one of my religion’s holidays.
Okay, but do you abstain from celebrating all holidays that aren’t part of your religious tradition? No Thanksgiving, for instance? If so, what message are you conveying to your children about being entirely separate and apart from the other people in their town or country, about not sharing any common traditions?
As for the fear among some Christians that dressing up in ghoulish costumes is somehow pagan or Satanic… I know I’ll never convince anyone of those beliefs otherwise. These are same folks who forbid their children to read the Harry Potter books, a series that happens to be chock full of wonderful lessons about treating others with respect, standing up to bullying, and being a true friend.
Nor will I ever convince these people that dressing up as a character their child fancies is actually good for them. Pretending for a few hours that we’re someone or something else helps us to transport ourselves outside our everyday surroundings, find a common humanity, get to know the different facets of ourselves. …But of course, these are the precise things some Christians are afraid of, and why some kids grow up despising aspects of their own selves. It’s tragic, really.
We go to the movies and we’re the only ones there!
Let’s be real: Some adults might like the idea of being the only ones at a movie theater, not having to endure long lines or the sound of someone crunching popcorn in their ears. But kids? Most kids like to be where the action is, where they can be with other kids. Most kids want to participate in things, not hide away.
I am Jewish and my family didn’t celebrate Xmas when I was growing up. We often went to the movie theater on that day. I hated it. We entered an eerily quiet shopping mall and rode the escalator to a gloomy, dark, multiplex theater. It wasn’t fun for me that we were usually the only family in the theater. It was a reminder that seemingly everyone else was celebrating.
It can be difficult enough to grow up as a religious minority. Holidays like Xmas and Easter are fun and appealing to kids. Why take away one more?
Women are portrayed in harmfully stereotypical ways.
So have a conversation with your kids about that. Not participating in the holiday doesn’t make any of that go away. Your kids still see it all around them, and not just at Halloween.
There’s just too much damn candy.
True. You can pack a bunch of it up and send it to soldiers overseas. Or throw most of it away. Or limit the number of houses your kid goes to. There are many, many ways to limit your children’s Halloween candy consumption. Use your vast intellectual resources and parenting skills.
Someone might poison the candy, or hide a razor blade in it.
This is why my mother only let us trick or treat at houses of people we knew. I don’t do that, but we do limit our trick or treating to a small area. And if anything isn’t properly wrapped, it goes in the garbage.
It teaches kids selfishness and entitlement.
Really? It’s only one day a year. If you’re worried about these things, you’re teaching your kids good manners to begin with. Make sure they say “Thank you” before they walk away. And if the “trick or treat” message bothers you, have a talk with your kid about why it does. Your child may surprise you with their insights.
I know I’ve done nothing to convince Halloween haters that the holiday is worthwhile. But we’ve put up our decorations, have bought our candy and costume, and are looking forward to it. Warts and all.
Aviva Luria, 50, became a mom at the age of 42 after many years of assuming she would become pregnant the regular way, resignation that it wasn’t going to happen “naturally,” and one lucky round of in vitro fertilization. Her blog is Old Mom, Young Child and she has published work in an array of places, including What to Expect.com, The San Francisco Examiner, a number of literary journals, and two CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) radio programs.
