Let’s start with where we are right now … my oldest daughter has hit the tween years also known as a preadolescent girl. I on the other hand have been in the midst of perimenopausal symptoms….
Some girls are feisty from the get go …
The pre teen or “tween” years though, can be the time which parents find most confounding. At this time parents can struggle with everything from girls (and boys) becoming increasingly defiant…
Between the ages of 8 and 13, children are expected to push the boundaries and this is a part of becoming more independent. You can therefore expect girls at this age to disagree with you, show a bit of ‘attitude’, take risks and want to be more like their friends.
Pre teens and teens, therefore, are more likely to make decisions based on emotion and have poor foresight. They are also often sensitive, moody and unpredictable.
Preadolescent Girl as discussed in the post “Feisty Young Girls” from the blog childpsychologist.com.au/resources/feisty-young-girls:
The Mayo Clinic lists some of these symptoms that can occur during the perimenopausal period some subtle — and some not-so-subtle — changes in your body may occur. Some things you might experience include:
Hot flashes and sleep problems. Many women experience hot flashes during perimenopause. The intensity, length and frequency vary. Sleep problems are often due to hot flashes or night sweats, but sometimes sleep becomes unpredictable even without them.
Mood changes. Some women experience mood swings, irritability or increased risk of depression during perimenopause, but the cause of these symptoms may be sleep disruption caused by hot flashes. Mood changes may also be caused by factors not related to the hormonal changes of perimenopause.
And so there we have it, two of us on our own independent hormonal roller coaster at the same time!
This is not how I envisioned motherhood not knowing that I would be in my forties when our family was started. No one talks about what it’s like to have these perimenopausal symptoms. No one discusses what it’s like to be a mom with children just embarking on their own hormonal changes at the same time.
It can be very challenging on the days that our hormones clash. This can be very hard on all of us including my husband and our younger daughter.
Sometimes I hear how I scold her or respond to her when she has been short with me. This is not a good cycle for either of us nor will it be good when my youngest in two years hits her stride as a tween/preadolescent girl.
I have had to rethink how I handle things on some days and manage myself about how I talk, my tone of voice and to watch my patience dissolve. At the same time, I am trying to teach my daughter it’s not what you say but how you say it (role model, yeah not me so much, some of the times).
I take time to apologize when I’ve been out of line so there is no more hurt feelings, I really want to make sure both my girls and my husband too understand it’s not necessarily under my control. I see this too in my daughter’s reactions and actions. We are not out to hurt or make each other upset there are just some days that our hormones clash…
Lisa Stauffer (a.k.a. MommySquared), 50, and husband came to a place of unknowns knowing that the one thing they wanted most was to be parents. After trying on their own and subsequently fertility treatments, with no success, it became for them about being Mom & Dad, and not needing to be pregnant to get to there. That was when they realized adoption would make their family. Lisa first started blogging during their journey to parenthood through adoption to keep family and friends in touch with what they had going on. She continues that blog just for them as our daughters grow. She also continues the private blog and in 2013 started a more public blog “What Makes A Real Family” (squaredmommy.com) to share her journey, what parenthood is like, living in open adoptions and our relationships with extended family, now what it’s like to be raising preadolescent girls while her own journey of perimenopause is going … Her daughters are now 6 and 8.