Single Motherhood Archives - Mothering in the Middle

Addressing (My) Parenthood Guilt

by Lynn Reilly

Parent’s guilt. I’m not even sure when it officially begins, but it could be as early as when first looking into your child’s eyes and knowing that life will never be the same. That moment when imagining what it was going to be like to hold the responsibility of caring for someone else. The “shoulds” begin almost immediately with the thought of how we want things to be.

I “should” be with my child as much as humanly possible.

I “should” give them every opportunity to be independent yet fully set them up to depend on me for just about everything.

I “should” let go of all my personal needs and become Super Human to make sure my child gets whatever they need both physically and emotionally.

Something like that.

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“Unleashing the Truth” (Excerpts From Ch. 4 of the Book, Real Eyes Faith)
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“Unleashing the Truth” (Excerpts From Ch. 4 of the Book, Real Eyes Faith)

Commentary, Daily Living, Mothers Over 40, Reinventing Ourselves, Single Motherhood

“Unleashing the Truth” (Excerpts From Ch. 4 of the Book, Real Eyes Faith)

by Wendy Sue Noah

Dear Reader: We’re so pleased to feature the writing of our own Wendy Sue Noah, on today’s launching of her book, Real Eyes Faith

Phoenixes burst into flame when it is time for them to die and are reborn from the ashes.” ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

“Why did this smart vivacious woman stay with such a monster?”

I get this question a lot.

First, there was my interpretation of blind faith that God really wanted me there. Second I had no friends or family in Los Angeles. Finally with each child, I felt more and more stuck.

If I we did not have children, I can say with conviction that I would have left him early in our relationship, like the first three wives.

With each child, I felt more pressure. I would never leave my babies. I couldn’t imagine running away to a shelter with them. In my clouded view, there were no other options. The irony of necessity brought a solution I dismissed. We’ve all experienced a “wake-up call” at some point in our lives. A moment of clarity provides both a call to action and the strength to carry it out. It was time for change. The moment of clarity for me, when I realized with real eyes came from innocence. […]

Breakfast in Bed

by Andrea Hopkins

Weeks before Mother’s Day, it became clear that six-year-old Claire had absorbed the importance of the day and had big plans to check off every box a child could check to mark the occasion. Bags of artwork would come home from daycare and school, but I was not allowed to look — it’s a surprise, she’d say. Pockets were filled with pebbles one day and pine cones the next, but if I even asked about their purpose, I was met with a plea not to look, not to ask, not to wonder. It’s a surprise.

She fretted that her oven mitts were at school (for the class pizzeria — don’t even ask): how was she going to bake? She needed a recipe for chocolate cake, but I was not to inquire why. She needed to know how much something would cost, but she wouldn’t tell me what, or where, or how. […]

Spring Celebration of New Life! (Wendy Sue’s Story)

by Wendy Sue Noah

Happy Spring, my friend! Isn’t it truly magnificent how Mother Nature resembles our lives, and reminds us of our own natural transitions? Like the blossoming ecstasy of new life after a cold and dark existence.

This Spring, in particular, is sensational on many levels. Why so? After many years of a cold and dark existence, my family and I are in a thrive-0-mode. Just like that lovely bush of bursting fragrant Jasmine.

This story began when I had just turned 30 years old. I was living my dream life in San Francisco. And, then, it hit me hard. “Hey, Wendy! You didn’t come here for a fun and party life. You took this birth to be of service to others ~ wake up!” I received this exact message from three different mentors during my 30^th year -an Astrologer, an Aura Picture photographer, and a Clairvoyant. […]

The Next Stage

by Andrea Lynn

I just registered my youngest for kindergarten, and I’m almost positive that means life is getting easier. If nothing else, I’m counting on lower daycare costs, but people insist I’ll soon be spending that money on ukelele lessons, lunchboxes and gym clothes. We’ll have to see.

Having both my girls in full-time, full-day elementary school come September means I’m no longer in charge of the educational aspect of their lives. I’ve turned that all over to the school. Now, when they ask questions, I can refer them back to their teachers. I can also stop feeling guilty about not doing educational things with them, like “Sight Words Bingo” and “Zingo Math,” which we really only got around to once and afterwards just felt guilty about the neglected box sitting on our games shelf.

Now the guilt can rest; someone else can teach my girls math. My job can be reduced to food preparation, laundry, and refereeing fights over whose turn it is to choose the DVD. I have to say, I’m ready for a reduced role around here. Elementary school, I give you my children. […]

Cyma Shapiro Interviews Serena Kirby, author of Better Late Than Never Baby

Hi, Serena – I’m so happy to be interviewing you, today. As my Australian compatriot, I see so many similarities in our midlife experiences, despite being half-a-world away.

Today, I’d like to focus on your wonderful book, Better Late Than Never Baby. Having read all manner of like-minded books, I expected to be reading another “same-old.” But I’m so happy to report that this book is refreshing, informative and so understanding of those women who have chosen new older motherhood/midlife motherhood.

Q: As a new mother @ age 43, you must have had your hands full. Yet you chose to write this book. Please tell our readers a little bit about how and why you did so.

A: When I became pregnant with my first baby at 42 I went looking for pregnancy books written for my age group. Occasionally, I stumbled across a chapter or paragraph dedicated to older mothers, and in several cases bought a book purely for its snippet of relevance. What I really wanted to read was how my older age may impact on my pregnancy, my baby, my body and my life. But finding an up to date book written by a first time later life mother, proved as elusive to me as pregnancy had previously been. […]

Tips for Raising An Only Child (Part III)

by Serena Kirby

The single-child family is the fastest growing family unit in the developed world so you’re far from alone if you have just one child. For many of us who became mothers later in life, it wasn’t ‘choice’ but ‘circumstance’ that caused us to have just one child. Reduced fertility and increased fatigue all play a role in the high number of only children to older mothers. […]

100% Responsible Mothering, But Never Alone

by Lora Freeman Williams

Image courtesy of www.artfulparent.com

I was a single parent for one month shy of four years – the first years of Isaac’s life. Prior to having a child, I’d considered getting a dog thinking I was finally ready to take on that weighty responsibility. However, just before I took that step, I took a pregnancy test. So much for the dog.

Fortunately, I had learned a vital lesson about responsibility, while in my early 20s.

I’d been floundering with an eating disorder for a five years. I’d sulked and skulked my way through college, therapy, churches, and friendships, looking for someone to rescue me from myself. I’d found no prince nor adoptive parents, and I was deeply depressed. I wanted to die. […]

Tips for Raising An Only Child (Part II)

by Serena Kirby

Undoubtedly the most noticeable drawback for the young ‘only’ child is the absence of a sibling playmate. This often leads to heightened demands for parents to be the child’s primary playmate. As fatigue can be a major factor for older mothers of a young ‘only’ child, life can be a whole lot more tiring if your only child’s world revolves totally around You. […]

Through the Eyes of A Midlife Mother

by Shana Sureck

Everyone was having children. Except me. Co-workers. Friends. The teenagers I taught in an afterschool program. The moms at the mall who yanked at their children’s arms and made them cry with curses and slaps.

I received birth announcements. Baby shower invites. I wanted to celebrate and feel joy for my friends, but each new announcement brought a yearning for what I couldn’t have. […]