Reinventing Ourselves Archives - Page 5 of 14

What Lies Within – Reflections on Being a Mother

by Michelle Eisler

Who are you in the hidden corners of your heart? What are the secrets that no one knows about, tucked away in the dark?

Do you hope for more happiness or wish for less pain? Do you dream of perfect health, maybe you hold onto memories from your 20’s.

Is there something you haven’t been brave enough to step out and do but the glimmer of hope still flickers in your heart?

The reality is during any given day you are the caregiver, the doctor, the chef and the housecleaner. You may work outside of the home, after which you come back and pick up where you left off. Some of you spend your day in the home, being a teacher, acting as chauffeur, or a cheerleader, and the lady at the laundry mat. […]

Mother’s Day

by Cyma Shapiro

First flowers given to me for Mother’s Day from my (step) son…so long ago…

I remember the first Mother’s Day card I received. It was ten years ago. I’d been a new mom for two months. I was a more than timid about reading the card; nearly embarrassed about acknowledging my new-found status.

It was similar to an incident which occurred around the same time. While at a local Blockbuster, my baby called out to me in front of some acquaintances. Unaware that I’d become a new mom, they nearly paled when they saw that I was the recipient. I couldn’t face them directly, but caught their disbelief out of the corner of my eye. I was almost embarrassed for them. I wondered whether I appeared “motherly enough;” whether they’d ever seen me that way. […]

I Need to Get Away!

by Jennifer Boire

Yesterday, I lay on the massage table, having a delicious ‘in the body’ experience (as opposed to an out of body one) that felt heavenly. Why don’t I do this more often, I wondered? And why did it take me so many years to allow myself to have this pleasurable experience?

Somewhere in my mid-forties, I felt a strong (and frightening) urge to leave home. Up till then, I was a true-blue multi-tasker, achievement oriented busy person, running a household, volunteering, chauffeuring kids, and coping with motherhood the best I knew how.

I had started late, by some standards, first baby at 36 after two miscarriages, second one at 38. I was studying part-time, writing a book, and teaching. I got pregnant the year I got accepted into the Masters in English program. Nursing babies at 4 am, with journal open and pen in hand, some of my best poems came out of those years. […]

Q&A with Faydra Koenig – America’s Divorce Coach

Q- Faydra, It’s baseball season and my ex keeps bringing his new girlfriend to the ball park to watch our son play. It feels disrespectful and I find myself paying more attention to them than to my son. I want to tell my ex not to bring her to the games, is this out of line thinking? Cecily- California

A-Cecily, If your divorce wasn’t that long ago, you may still be feeling a lot of unresolved emotions that are taking your attention away from the reason you are there, which is to enjoy your son. What is great about this situation is it may be alerting you to the fact that you need a safe place to process your thoughts and feelings. If you haven’t sought therapeutic help, it might be a good time to meet with a counselor and see what you can do to get past these feelings and back into the game, so to speak. […]

Perspectives in (Being) Happy

by DeAnna Scott

My new favorite song is Pharrell Williams “Happy.” I always feel so empowered and well, pretty darn happy when I hear it. I especially love the videos that he posted on his website – there is usually one person placed in a public location, like Union Station, and then, the song starts.

Soon, a person begins to move with the beat, slowly at first, sort of shy about it since they are in a public place then pretty soon the music overtakes them and they dance, clap their hands and kick their feet appearing to not give a damn what anyone thinks and completely oblivious to those around them.

I love this and feel like I am starting to embrace this attitude now the older I get. […]

Two Hands Mama

by Tracy Franz

Boy screams “Two hands, Mama!” whenever I’m driving and both of my hands are not firmly fixed on the steering wheel at 10 and 2 o’clock.

The first time this happened was about a year ago. Boy had just turned three, Girl was not yet one. I remember it was raining, really raining—one of those precursor deluges of Japan’s fifth (secret) season. I was moving through that thick mental fog of too many nights doing the semi-sleep shuffle: Baby coughs and shudders—touch baby, baby is okay; baby cries—change diaper, cuddle; baby cries—offer breast; baby whines—cuddle; baby wakes at 4:20 a.m—get up, begin day. […]

Q&A with Faydra Koenig – America’s Divorce Coach

Dear Reader: We’re pleased to present our newest contributor – Faydra Koenig, who will be available for any questions and/or issues you might have. Please forward any questions to midlifemothers@gmail.com. She will be happy to help you!

Q- Faydra, my husband left me and our young son for another woman. I feel so many emotions inside including anger, betrayal and insecurity. What is the first step for me? – Sarah from Oregon

Faydra- Sarah, first off let me say that I am so sorry that this is your current reality. I understand how you are feeling and want to encourage you to consider a few things as you move through these initial few months.

First off, infidelity rarely has to do with your adequacy as a wife, woman or mother. Studies have shown that men and women who cheat on their spouses were rarely seeking to hurt their spouse. Most often, people cheat because there are unresolved issues plaguing them and the cheating becomes an escape. Second, if you live in a state that has a no-fault divorce ruling, you will not be entitled to any sort of advantage during your proceedings because your spouse cheated. Many people feel they are entitled to more because they are the victim of infidelity. Last, it may be difficult to keep your emotions in check right now. Please engage with someone who has the training to help you keep your head and make important decisions. […]

Third Daughter

by Hanni Beyer Lee

She is my fourth child and my third daughter. She holds a special place in the order of the family. She is my last child. The others are grown or grown enough to be out of the house. She is the child I long to be closer to. She is the child who pushes me away and the child who needs me the most.

In 1981, I gave birth to my son. I was 23 years old and single. In 1995, I married and at 48, in the prime of mid-life motherhood, I traveled to China to bring home my third daughter. Mei Mei means little sister in Mandarin. I traveled with my two older daughters, also adopted from China. We were a fearless bunch maneuvering our way through Hefei, the city where my third daughter is from; all speaking Chinese together and attracting a crowd wherever we went. […]

The Next Stage

by Andrea Lynn

I just registered my youngest for kindergarten, and I’m almost positive that means life is getting easier. If nothing else, I’m counting on lower daycare costs, but people insist I’ll soon be spending that money on ukelele lessons, lunchboxes and gym clothes. We’ll have to see.

Having both my girls in full-time, full-day elementary school come September means I’m no longer in charge of the educational aspect of their lives. I’ve turned that all over to the school. Now, when they ask questions, I can refer them back to their teachers. I can also stop feeling guilty about not doing educational things with them, like “Sight Words Bingo” and “Zingo Math,” which we really only got around to once and afterwards just felt guilty about the neglected box sitting on our games shelf.

Now the guilt can rest; someone else can teach my girls math. My job can be reduced to food preparation, laundry, and refereeing fights over whose turn it is to choose the DVD. I have to say, I’m ready for a reduced role around here. Elementary school, I give you my children. […]

Love Is Never Easy

by Maggie Lamond Simone

Courtesy of flashfree.com

Love is never easy. Anybody can tell you that, from the person wondering if he’ll ever find his soul mate, to the long-married couples still facing the daily challenges endemic to living with someone who may or may not share their love of clutter.

Technology has made it much easier in many cases, increasing the opportunities for communication; gone are the days of kissing your spouse goodbye before heading off on a business trip and not speaking for possibly days at a time.

No, today’s world has made it extraordinarily easy to say what we want to say, to whom we want to say it, right now. […]