Mothers Over 50 Archives - Page 14 of 26

The Birthing of Our Adoption (A Pre-Adoption Story)

by Denise Naus

There is a lot of focus during the adoption process on the children being adopted – as well there should be. They are only little children, after all, and going through circumstances they didn’t ask for or deserve. They are the ones making so many new changes – a new home, new family, and a new language.

But adoption doesn’t just affect the adopted children. It affects every single person in the family, and even reaches to the extended family and friends. For me, this journey has been three and one-half years of longing, torment, excitement and wondering.

I know it is difficult to understand until you have been through the adoption process. Know how one’s heart can fall in love with a child before they are in your family. How you can grieve for them and ache for them, when all you’ve seen is a photo (if that). […]

Should We Take The Only Thing They Have Left?

by John Simmons

Perhaps we should. My wife and I decided that it was the right thing to change our children’s names as we adopted them. This happened across the board, from Jack, who was only a month old when he joined our family, clear up to Emily who was fifteen.

That really upsets some people. My kids? Not so much. Recently a mom-blogger voiced her disagreement and so I decided to find out what my adopted children really thought. We had never talked about it before. […]

What I Do

by Joely Johnson Mork

People ask me what I do. Sometimes, I find myself groping for an answer. I will admit to having referred to myself as a “writer.” That simple answer works as well as “editor” or “late-in-life mommy” or “that 40-something woman married to that 30-something guy.”

I have, in fact, been published on numerous occasions, so you would think I must find time to write on a regular basis. But there are so many other things I do that define me. […]

How to Find Your Mothering Zen

by Melissa Lapides, MA, MFT

As a mother, it is sometimes hard to find peace in a busy day. I am not just talking about the kind of peace that you experience by the few valued moments that you actually get to sit down and relax, but about the inner peace that makes you feel connected to your purpose in being a mother.

Sometimes you can get so caught up in the daily routines and emotions that it is hard to connect to what you are really working towards as a parent. Raising children can feel busy and repetitive at times and sometimes you can loose sight of what you are really trying to accomplish. Are you working towards how many activities you can successfully get your children to participate in or are you working towards raising your children to be self-confident, self-reliant adults. […]

Swimsuit Season

by Maggie Lamond Simone

Well, fans, it’s back-to-you-know-what time, and once again we’re hoping that everyone is returning refreshed, with a little more knowledge and maybe a little more confidence than last year! We’re pretty excited up here in the booth, as we get a bird’s-eye view of the season’s latest styles. […]

Question: At 42 and still childless, is it time to have a baby with a sperm donor – instead of my long-term boyfriend?

I was a month shy of my 38^th birthday when I filed for divorce. I knew my biological clock was fast ticking down, and if I wanted a child I’d need to do it soon. But I was in the throes of starting my life over. I had just moved across the country, embarked on a new career and needed to put the broken piece of my heart back together. A baby would have to wait a little longer.

When I met a guy who was so much of the guy I was looking for, I tried to ignore the fact that he was less than enthusiastic about adding more kids to his family (he already had three boys ages 5, 7 and 11). At 39, I convinced myself I could wait another year and see how our relationship unfolded. Maybe he would come around. […]

Fertility Eating on the Road

by Cindy Bailey

It can be especially rough trying to stick to a fertility diet (or any diet, for that matter) when you’re travelling. You may not have access to a kitchen, and depending on where you go, you may not be able to find your usual healthy foods or know where to go to get them. Here are some tips to help:

Do the best you can with what you got. If you go out to a restaurant, try to make it one that serves salads or vegetables. Even if these items are not organic, you’ll still get the nutritional value, and they’re a whole lot healthier than eating pizza, sandwiches or cream- (and wheat-) laden pasta. Plus, you can eat as much of it as you want. […]

Father’s Day

by Andrea Lynn

It’s Father’s Day as I write this. The end of the day, the kids in bed, and they’ve survived, once again, this day our family does not celebrate. It was the first year Claire was really aware of Father’s Day, because her kindergarten class did a project for their dads. I’d given her a head’s up, of course, when she was thrilled with her first elementary school Mother’s Day project.

Guess what, sweetie. You’ll do this again next month, but it’ll be for dads. You can do your project for someone else, for me or for Grandpa. She chose Grandpa, and on Friday the project came home, duly wrapped and labeled for my father, who lives 300 miles away and will get it when we visit this summer. […]

American Adoptive Parents Don’t Deserve the Heat

by Tina Traster

A few weeks ago, a filmmaker for Radio Free Europe spent the day with my family at our home in upstate New York documenting our “ordinary” moments. Olga Loginova, the filmmaker, promised to produce the six-minute documentary within a week. She said it was urgent to show the world there are “successful Russian adoptions.”

Why? Because Americans’ ability to parent Russian orphans has become a flashpoint in a complicated political struggle that began when Americans took aim at Russia’s handling of human rights by passing the Magnitsky Act. The conflict escalated after Russia retaliated by shutting down adoptions to Americans after more than two decades. […]

The Myths and Realities of Open Adoption

by Deborah Siegel, Ph.D, LICSW

Image courtesy of www.Lavenderluz.com

Dear Reader: I first became interested in open adoption in 1985 when, in my clinical practice, I worked with two little guys adopted from foster care. These boys, ages 7 and 8, were tormented by unanswered questions about their first mother, “Susie,” who suffered from mental illness and drug addiction.

Susie’s parental rights had been involuntarily terminated due to her abusive neglect of her young sons. A loving couple had recently adopted the boys, yet the kids continued to struggle; hence, their referral for psychotherapy with me, an adoption specialist. The boys could not understand why they could have no contact whatsoever with Susie, as they worried endlessly about whether or not she was still alive, or if they would ever see her again. Listening to my young clients, I too wondered why it would be so awful for them to at the very least be able to contact Susie by mail.

Bewildered and curious myself, I looked at the adoption literature at the time. I read a lot of beliefs about how secrecy was necessary. But I found little if any research data to support these beliefs.

Thus began my two decade long study of families living with open adoptions. In 1988 I identified 22 families who had just adopted an infant in open adoptions, and I have re-inteviewed these families every seven years since then in order to find out what open adoption is like, from the perspective of those who are living in it. The infants in that study are now young adults, able […]