Midlife Foibles! Archives - Page 7 of 15

I Need to Get Away!

by Jennifer Boire

Yesterday, I lay on the massage table, having a delicious ‘in the body’ experience (as opposed to an out of body one) that felt heavenly. Why don’t I do this more often, I wondered? And why did it take me so many years to allow myself to have this pleasurable experience?

Somewhere in my mid-forties, I felt a strong (and frightening) urge to leave home. Up till then, I was a true-blue multi-tasker, achievement oriented busy person, running a household, volunteering, chauffeuring kids, and coping with motherhood the best I knew how.

I had started late, by some standards, first baby at 36 after two miscarriages, second one at 38. I was studying part-time, writing a book, and teaching. I got pregnant the year I got accepted into the Masters in English program. Nursing babies at 4 am, with journal open and pen in hand, some of my best poems came out of those years. […]

Isn’t Sibling Rivalry Normal?

by Phyllis Goldberg Ph.D., and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

Sibling rivalry is normal. Fights between sisters and brothers are so common that they’re often dismissed as just part of growing up. But a recent study from the University of New Hampshire finds that sibling aggression is associated with increased depression and anxiety in children.

Although physical and emotional aggression by peers is generally thought to be more serious than by siblings, the present findings showed no independent effects. That is, the results of those experiencing persistent and unmonitored aggression, whether from siblings or peers, did not differ. […]

The Great Craigslist Hunt

by Aviva Luria

The hub-sand and I were proud of ourselves for not falling for what we viewed as the toddler-bed fiasco: the idea that when your baby outgrows his crib, you must buy him a cute, junior-size bed. A year or so later, your child’s head begins to press against the edge of that little rocket ship, Dora Explorer cupcake, or Thomas engine, a sign that it’s time to purchase a standard twin-size bed. […]

Perspectives in (Being) Happy

by DeAnna Scott

My new favorite song is Pharrell Williams “Happy.” I always feel so empowered and well, pretty darn happy when I hear it. I especially love the videos that he posted on his website – there is usually one person placed in a public location, like Union Station, and then, the song starts.

Soon, a person begins to move with the beat, slowly at first, sort of shy about it since they are in a public place then pretty soon the music overtakes them and they dance, clap their hands and kick their feet appearing to not give a damn what anyone thinks and completely oblivious to those around them.

I love this and feel like I am starting to embrace this attitude now the older I get. […]

Spring Cleaning

by Lori Pelikan Strobel

It’s Spring! Alleluia!

I know it’s here because I have heard the peepers at night proclaiming their joy from being stuck in the frozen tundra.

The stillness has suddenly been broken by birds singing in the early morning. There have also been sightings of color to break the barren landscape with the arrival of a crocus or daffodil.

Finally, the smell of spring whiffs past my nose in the form of that indistinguishable first spring rain smell, which is a heady, glorious scent. It is the time for new beginnings. Now is the time to spring ahead with new opportunities as the season changes, too. […]

New Celebrity Dads – Over 50 (A Commentary)

by Marc Parsont

12th child – Christopher – born to 73-year-old Charlie Chaplin (considered the oldest celebrity dad)

I recently read an article about older celebrity fathers: http://www.parentdish.ca/2014/03/14/fatherhood-celebrity-dads-50/#!slide=2483379.

The subject seems to repel and attract people with equal measure. As a new older dad, here are my thoughts about this:

On one hand, I chuckle quietly and say good for them. Finding love with a beautiful woman at any age is a blessing. On the other hand, I’m jealous that they have such beautiful wives—not that they have children.

Why should we be concerned about this group of actors using their wealth and fame to spread their seed(s)? Perhaps they have really good genes? They are certainly not the first males to use their wealth, power and prestige to father children with younger women. Increased longevity raises the possibility of older fathers. It’s inevitable and not really unusual. […]

6 Annoying Things Your Children Do that Are Actually Good for Them

by Jude Bijou MA MFT

Kids test parents’ patience all the time. They whine, bargain, cry, mope, and dawdle. They yell and scream and make themselves the center of attention. Sometimes they dig their heels in and simply refuse to budge.

While we may wish our kids would be compliant, cooperative, and sunny in temperament, the reality is that they are doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing. They are learning how to manage their emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, or fear. Kids do this by expressing themselves in the moment. Unlike adults, most young children don’t hold in what they are feeling. They release pent-up emotions right when they feel them, if we let them, and then they move on! […]

Spring is in the Hair

by Maggie Lamond Simone

My house, to me, is like my hair. For the most part, it’s clean; it’s just usually . . . disheveled. Tousled. Windswept, as it were. It’s got a carefree, playful look. Sassy, even. Some days I might forget to comb it, and for special occasions I might add a little style, but in general, I just throw a big ol’ hat on it and hope for the best.

Yes, I am not what you would call a neatnik. My husband calls me the Clutter Queen, and it was not without some irony that I married a man whose only truly pushable button is, yes, clutter. His dream house would be a vacant building. He believes that anything designed for storage, from the kitchen counters to the hall closet to the basement, is specifically designed for the storage of air. […]

10 Things Not to Say to a New Older (Midlife) Mother

by Cyma Shapiro

Women choosing motherhood over 40, 45 and 50 still remain in the minority, especially in certain geographic locations. Although new older parenting is increasing incrementally, women choosing motherhood at later (and later) ages are often the butt of jokes and the recipient of rude, politically incorrect, and sometime insulting comments.

My primer, below, should make it easier for those who are inclined to comment (on any aspect of this fact). Consider the power of words, even if well-intentioned:

1) “Are you the Grandmother?”

Unless you need to ask this to determine whether an AARP card is applicable, or to somehow confirm lineage, don’t even ask. Not only is this a painful question for any woman/mother over 40, but if applied incorrectly, it’s an insult to the children who are usually listening. Think about the overall cost/benefit of asking this question, especially if little ones are in tow.

2) “How old were you when you had/adopted your child?”

Is this your business?

3) “Do you know how selfish you are?”

This references the fact that I may die long before I get to experience my children’s milestones, and my children will be left motherless. However, people die at every age. Long life is not a surety for anyone.

4) “Why would you have/adopt a child at your age?”

Why not?

5) “Wow…..that’s so….great!” (Or) “Good for you!”

What’s so great about it, and why is this good for me?

6) “Really??”

Yes, really.

7) “Is this your first marriage?”

What does that matter?

8) “When do you plan to retire?”

The answer to this is a definitive “never.”

9) “You have a what?” (In answer to the question about the ages of your children).

How can I help you?

10) “It seems like a lot of […]

Planning for the Future

by Marc Parsont

Radio Frequency Identification Chip

We have been told that every age has its positive and negative notes. If this is true, then I have been rooked. The stress is turning my hair gray and my otherwise sunny, warm disposition blue.

The whining is unbelievable for two children nearly six and seven years old, respectively. They must have learned how to whine from: the television, their mother, my mother and her mother, their friends and from some genetic defect not yet identified. Of the two, my daughter whines the loudest.

I was an angel, of course. […]