Midlife Foibles! Archives - Page 6 of 15

Love is Never Having to Say “Clean Up”

Aviva Luria

Earlier today, when my son went into the den to pick out a movie, I grabbed a few of his creations—construction paper topped with dried, crumbling Play-dough ‘sculptures’—and dumped them in the trash. They had been sitting on the coffee table for weeks, and every time I looked at them I fought off the urge to toss them.

Does that sound mean?

Let me explain further: Also in the living room, where I’m working, the sofa is festooned with (wonderful, whimsical) drawings of spaceships and astronauts, along with Star Wars figures, all affixed with tape. […]

Swimsuit Season

by Maggie Lamond Simone

Well, fans, it’s back-to-you-know-what time, and once again we’re hoping that everyone is returning refreshed, with a little more knowledge and maybe a little more confidence than last year! We’re pretty excited up here in the booth, as we get a bird’s-eye view of the season’s latest styles.

We’ve seen it all over the years, haven’t we? Hahaha. I mean, especially with The Mom – the shorts and t-shirt . . . the skirts that float around her like some bizarre jellyfish when she steps into the water . . . the caftans . . . the wraps . . . the classic towel-about-the-waist . . . yes, folks, she’s really “covered” the gamut in her ongoing efforts to convince us she doesn’t have thighs! And I don’t even want to think about the bikini wax issue! […]

My Two Dads (In Honor of Father’s Day)

by Maggie Lamond Simone

Me and Dad

You could say I always had suspicions. The fact that they get along so well in and of itself was a tipoff, but true confirmation came the first time I saw my husband clean the house. He was a man on a mission, determined to clean it like it had never been cleaned before . . . and convinced that it hadn’t been.

I found myself watching the whole scenario with my mother’s bemused expression and thought, “Oh . . . my . . . GOD. I’ve married my father.”

Although I’m doing better with it as time goes on, I admit I saw many of the stages of grief when the similarities started becoming noticeable. There was denial (“No. I’m imagining it. He does not turn the TV up after I go to bed”), anger (“Okay, stop it! I mean it! Stop rearranging my counters!”), all the way to acceptance (“All right, honey. We can leave for the show two hours early.”) […]

10 Things Not to Say to a News Editor About Being an Older Mother

by Ellie Stoneley

The media-led furore around older mothers rumbles on. Tabloid headlines inferring that the rise in mothers over the age of 50 having babies was responsible for excessive pressure across the health service. The percentage increase was huge but in real terms the number of women (in the UK) giving birth into their fifth decade went up to the total of 154 – a tiny figure as a part of the general rise in the number of births to older parents (35 and upwards).

When figures like this are published, I get approached by the press about my own experience as an older mother. My response is and has consistently the same – that I am where I am, and that I’m extremely blessed to be the mother of a wonderful, exuberant and thriving two-year-old. And, that (in common with mothers everywhere) I’m doing the best I can for my daughter to ensure she has a happy childhood, and a safe and secure future.

Sometimes that’s OK. But often the journalist will prod, looking for an angle, “How do you deal with the negative view of older parents?” “Did you feel judged by the medical profession?” “Are people rude to you when you breastfeed in public?” “You must have had a terribly difficult pregnancy?” “Do you have low energy levels due to your age?” and so on and so forth. […]

I Made a Promise Never to Be One of Those Sports People

by Marc Parsont

I made a promise never to be one of those sports parents, loud, obnoxious, screaming from the sidelines. I rarely get upset watching sports on television. As a matter of fact, I pride myself on calmly and cooly passing judgment on plays on both sides of the field. So why do I have so much trouble watching my children play sports?

I broke my promise in the time it took me to write it down. I just can’t understand why I can’t let it go. Let’s face it. If I can’t even watch a six year old soccer game without yelling, screaming and losing my stoic, cool demeanor, then I’ll become one of those pariahs that everyone stares at on the sidelines.

That does not stop me from being critical of the way everyone else stomps around on the sidelines. Hypocrisy is one of my strong points. […]

My Problem With Mother’s Day

by Marc Parsont

My problem with Mother’s Day is more or less the fact that your mother should know how you feel about her without having a day dedicated to reminding her of how rotten you are as a son or daughter during the rest of the year.

On the bright side, Mother’s Day is a neat way to show that you aren’t that bad a child.

My mother is turning 80 years old next year and I think that’s pretty good for someone who has had such a rich, full life filled with both pain and joy. She survived the Nazi invasion of France, fell in love and married my father and then took care of him for 26 years after he suffered a near-fatal heart attack at age 49. She has two sons and a raft of grandchildren who love her dearly. […]

This Is What Happiness Is…

by Aviva Luria

“Pickul Clan”

“I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

– Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country

Someone posted the above quote by Kurt Vonnegut on Facebook recently and it truly spoke to me. I hadn’t encountered it before; although Kurt Vonnegut was one of my favorite authors in high school, I’ve read very little of him since. I loved him then because he made me laugh and think and view the world in a new, demented way, and this is likely at least partially why I am the way I am now: cynical but loving and tending to view the world in an odd, demented way.

Have you ever said to yourself, “I am happy now; this is what happiness is?” I’ve always thought it was a little odd that I do. I’ve long thought it was my writing tendency that so often made me feel as though I were standing apart from the scene in which I found myself, a somewhat impartial observer. Reading that quote made me realize that, even if that’s a strange thing to do, I’m not entirely alone. Kurt Vonnegut, at least, knew about that. […]

The Value of “Tuck-Ins”

by Austin Wimberly

There’s a saying in the South that goes, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” I was raised on this aphorism and felt it acutely around special occasions such as Christmas, Mom’s birthday, and, of course, Mother’s Day.

Growing up, it was always interesting to me that the same amount of fastidiousness wasn’t applied to Dad’s birthday or to Father’s Day. As a boy, this seemed demonstrably unfair, but as I’ve gotten older and entered the ranks of parents, I think I understand why the disparity exists. I think it has to do with our need for a protection that is both intimate and nurturing.

Now, right off the bat, I can hear the internet criticizing this opinion. “Men can be just as intimate as women,” the web might say. Or “This opinion of yours that mothers are more nurturing than fathers is sexist.” And I am sure there are millions of counter-examples to refute everything I’m going to write. […]

Mom’s Day

by Maggie Lamond Simone

Yes, my friends, it’s that time of year again, time for the annual Mother’s Day Column. It changes every year; as I change as a mother, as my relationship with own mother grows with age, as I watch my friends with their children. This year, however, as I sat at the computer typing out thoughts, I was struggling a bit, and I finally realized why. My kids.

“Ow! Mom!’ the girl screamed, “he hit me!”

“I did not!” the boy cried. “I was just swinging my hand and she walked into it!”

“I did not!” the girl cried. “He hit me!” […]

Who Has Time for a Midlife Crisis?

by Karen Hug-Nagy

: In earlier years…

I was just thinking the other day that I must have missed my mid-life crisis. I looked high and low and couldn’t find it anywhere. Then I suddenly remembered, I was raising kids at just about the time I was supposed to be experiencing a midlife crisis! Then again, juggling twin babies, toddlers, pre-schoolers and now teenagers is a crisis all by itself!

Yes, I’m a late bloomer. Seems to be a pattern I follow. Instead of jetting off to someplace warm to sip exotic drinks, I was volunteering at the school for holiday parties, or making sure my kids had their homework done. […]