Fatherhood Archives - Page 2 of 2 - Mothering in the Middle

Just Before Two Years/Six Months/Five Days and a Handful of Hours – Ago

by Stefan Kleinschuster

What do I do here, in Hollywood, with the V-Word? Backstory: (Before Kid) I remember scores of parents everywhere talking about their children. Sorry, that’s a lie. I don’t remember scores of parents saying anything. That would have required caring about what parents were saying, and I remember a decade or two, maybe four or so, when I didn’t much care what they said.

Apart from that, I do recall them asking things in plangent tones like, “‘What are we teaching our children about the world?” and other sayings that felt a good deal like whining at the time.

Back then – about two years, six months, five days and a handful of hours (that is, before Sophie was born) – I could not have cared less about what we were teaching our children. Especially, about the V-Word. No, get your minds out of the bedrooms. I meant Violence. It’s no big deal, right? Especially since it’s everywhere? […]

The Art of Fatherhood

by Nancy LaMar-Rodgers

Dads on Duty

These days, it seems that dads have taken on a more prominent role when it comes to raising the kids. Dads are not just showing up at baseball or soccer games but are attending the parent/teacher conferences and sometimes even making the play date arrangements.

Where has this new sense of fatherhood stemmed from? What role reversal has evolved in the new millennium that has made it politically correct for men to even don the new fangled breast feeding devices that, up until a few years ago, that duty, by nature, was for moms only?

Old School Parenting

My own father was a child of The Great Depression. And, when I asked him once what his father did for a living, his response was, “whatever he could, kid.” His reply made me realize how many generations of fathers never had the luxury of truly participating in a child’s life. These dads of the early and mid part of the 20^th century, who racked up long hours and put in enough overtime as it took to afford the bicycle at Christmas time or new baseball glove. […]

The Last Conversation with Dad

by Lydia Chiappetti

When my dad died last year, the head of his senior living facility asked, “What was it like to grow up with your father?” She had experienced firsthand his take-no- prisoner’s style. Dad was a tough man, endearing only to his children and grandchildren. My mother, who had waited on him hand and foot for 60 years, would never have called him endearing.

With my mother’s passing, I became his gal Friday: cook, cleaner, driver, financial planner and gardener. Oh yes, almost forgot, companion as well. The only problem was that I lived ninety minutes away. I still jump when the phone rings, wondering if it’s Dad with his usual inquiry. “Where are you?” A gravelly voice on the other end demands, “I need you now!”

After hanging up, I would rush down the interstate to clean up the flooded basement or to fill out financial forms. When my duties were fulfilled, his voice would soften and say, “Thank you, Sweetheart.” I don’t seem to recall him ever thanking my mother for all she had done. Somehow, he had found a bit of tenderness in his late eighties. […]

My Father’s Hand

by Judith Lee Herbert

I

I look up to see my father,
towering above me.
He takes my hand, and as we go
through the turnstile, I am excited
by my first ride with him on the subway. […]

A Letter To My Husband On Father’s Day

by Jo-Ann Rogan

Dear Elliott:

You declared for months, after our oldest Ryan was born, that you are a Dad, someone’s Dad! You came to parenting reluctantly, as you do so much in life. For my whole pregnancy, you would say over and over, I don’t get why people have kids and I am not sure I can do this. Now, over a decade in, I am here to say, you are an incredible father. […]

7 (Father’s Day) Tips for Honoring Fathers Not Living at Home

by Trish Ladogna and Rachel Ruby

Mothers are still more likely to get primary custody of children following divorce than fathers, leaving the majority of divorced fathers the “non-residential parents.” Fathers that, chances are, love their children very much and whose children love them, too.

Father’s Day can be particularly difficult for this set of dads whose contact with their children may be limited to every other weekend and/or summer vacations.

Unquestionably, fathers play an important part in their children’s lives, from birth through to adolescence, young adulthood and beyond. In recent years, there has been growing recognition of the significance of fathers, residential or otherwise, to families and to the behavioral, general health and well-being of their children’s life.

As Jeffrey Rosenberg and W. Bradford Wilcox found in their work, ‘The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children, children who experience an involved, caring father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings and, as they grow older, have better social connections and educational outcomes. […]

The Difference Between Dad Privilege and Mom Privilege

by Adam Hall

Welcome to June! That time of year when we celebrate fathers and all of the things that they do to help out in the raising of their children. Although actually, “help out” makes it sound like they are not required to do any child raising and are strictly volunteering on a benevolent basis. “Hey, you didn’t have to do that! But thanks!”

This idea, that fathers are over-praised for doing the most basic of tasks (taking kids to the store, reading a bedtime story, living in the same house as the rest of the family), has led some to dismissively call out “Dad Privilege,” claiming that fathers have it much easier and don’t have to put in half the work mothers do to be deemed a success.

Let me be very clear. What you are thinking of as “Dad Privilege” has another name in the dad community. We call it “Mom Privilege.” […]

How My Dad Taught Me to be a Dad

by Nicholas D'Ambra

I’m not an expert at being a Dad, but I learned a lot from my own father, who happened to be the best. He wasn’t perfect. He definitely made mistakes. However, he made those mistakes seem like integral threads in the blanket of parenting.

He always put his family first. Like his father before him, my Dad worked hellishly long hours to provide for his family. I couldn’t list five things he ever purchased for himself. He would often go without, so his kids could go with.

He always made time for his children. At the end of a 14-hour day, he would help coach my Little League team. I would wait for him to come home in summertime at the top of our block, sitting on a wall. He smiled whenever he saw me there. I would get into the car and drive the short distance home where he would grab something to eat on our way to practice. […]

How Our Family Makes Father’s Day a “Biggie” Deal

by Christy Stansell

I hope you don’t have one, but if you do, I’m guessing your court order looks something like mine: the child will spend Mother’s Day with Mom and Father’s Day with Dad, even if it is “supposed” to be the other parent’s weekend. That was all good and fine…. until I got remarried… and now my husband – the “step-dad” – never gets to have Father’s Day with his step-daughter. It’s heart-wrenching.

When my second husband and I were dating, my little girl told me, “When my dad goes to heaven, I want Biggie to be my daddy.” We called him “Biggie” because, as God’s humor would have it, he and my daughter have the same name, just spelled differently. Little did she know then that it wouldn’t be long before she’d get her wish. I remarried soon after my daughter’s 6th birthday. She delighted in being the flower girl for our wedding.

Now my forever-husband and my daughter are “like this” (picture fingers wound together tightly!) And, even though her birth father is still alive, my daughter calls her step-dad “Daddy” (much to her biological father’s chagrin.) I’m not about to forbid my daughter from calling him whatever endearment she feels comfortable. Honestly, if her dad got remarried, and she wanted to call his wife “Mom” I’d let her, without complaint, because I’m confident in my role as her mother… but I digress. […]

For Father’s Day: Building Meaningful Relationships Through Communication

Phyllis Goldberg Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman Ph.D.

It’s easy to buy into the commercialism of Father’s Day. You may wonder if expensive ties or tools will bring you closer, only to realize you want honest conversations with your dad. Perhaps you don’t want only emails from your brother or texts from your son. If you’re ready for more openness with the men in your life, why not start with your partner?

According to research on the effectiveness of marital therapy, communication is one of the most commonly reported and difficult problem to manage. Discrepancies in how men and women talk can lead to further conflict as partners begin to focus blame on each other, themselves or the quality of their relationship. […]