Commentary Archives - Page 8 of 72 - Mothering in the Middle

How My Dad Taught Me to be a Dad

by Nicholas D'Ambra

I’m not an expert at being a Dad, but I learned a lot from my own father, who happened to be the best. He wasn’t perfect. He definitely made mistakes. However, he made those mistakes seem like integral threads in the blanket of parenting.

He always put his family first. Like his father before him, my Dad worked hellishly long hours to provide for his family. I couldn’t list five things he ever purchased for himself. He would often go without, so his kids could go with.

He always made time for his children. At the end of a 14-hour day, he would help coach my Little League team. I would wait for him to come home in summertime at the top of our block, sitting on a wall. He smiled whenever he saw me there. I would get into the car and drive the short distance home where he would grab something to eat on our way to practice. […]

How Our Family Makes Father’s Day a “Biggie” Deal

by Christy Stansell

I hope you don’t have one, but if you do, I’m guessing your court order looks something like mine: the child will spend Mother’s Day with Mom and Father’s Day with Dad, even if it is “supposed” to be the other parent’s weekend. That was all good and fine…. until I got remarried… and now my husband – the “step-dad” – never gets to have Father’s Day with his step-daughter. It’s heart-wrenching.

When my second husband and I were dating, my little girl told me, “When my dad goes to heaven, I want Biggie to be my daddy.” We called him “Biggie” because, as God’s humor would have it, he and my daughter have the same name, just spelled differently. Little did she know then that it wouldn’t be long before she’d get her wish. I remarried soon after my daughter’s 6th birthday. She delighted in being the flower girl for our wedding.

Now my forever-husband and my daughter are “like this” (picture fingers wound together tightly!) And, even though her birth father is still alive, my daughter calls her step-dad “Daddy” (much to her biological father’s chagrin.) I’m not about to forbid my daughter from calling him whatever endearment she feels comfortable. Honestly, if her dad got remarried, and she wanted to call his wife “Mom” I’d let her, without complaint, because I’m confident in my role as her mother… but I digress. […]

For Father’s Day: Building Meaningful Relationships Through Communication

Phyllis Goldberg Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman Ph.D.

It’s easy to buy into the commercialism of Father’s Day. You may wonder if expensive ties or tools will bring you closer, only to realize you want honest conversations with your dad. Perhaps you don’t want only emails from your brother or texts from your son. If you’re ready for more openness with the men in your life, why not start with your partner?

According to research on the effectiveness of marital therapy, communication is one of the most commonly reported and difficult problem to manage. Discrepancies in how men and women talk can lead to further conflict as partners begin to focus blame on each other, themselves or the quality of their relationship. […]

Spreading Mom’s Ashes

by Lydia Chiappetti

Part I

“Go eat dinner while it’s hot.” These were Mom’s last words thirty minutes before she died. Ever a mother until the end, she never wanted or intended to be a burden. Nor did Mom want us missing a meal, even if I was the one now preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner.

My father, sister and I ate at the dining room table, not far from their first floor bedroom. I had set the table with the silver and china, just the way she had done for the past 60 years of their marriage. Gracious dining was the highest art form for my mother. There was no take-out in her world.

She must have known that death was imminent, but she kept it at a safe distance by refusing to go to the hospital and maintaining normalcy. Ironically, this took more effort for us, her two daughters. […]

Cyma Shapiro Interviews Ellie Stoneley, Author of Milky Moments

Dear Readers: In her first US interview, we are so pleased to welcome Mothering writer, mother, author, breastfeeding advocate, UK-based Ellie Stoneley, featuring her newly-released book, Milky Moments (published worldwide by Pinter & Martin Publishers) – a children’s book about breastfeeding.

Welcome Ellie!

Thank you Cyma … a very exciting and busy time for this mother of one (and I’m talking about my daughter as opposed to my first book!)

Q: Milky Moments features a variety of different mothers breastfeeding in a variety of social situations. It’s not only a beautiful book, but it stresses the importance of individuality and of making such a natural occurrence….well, natural! Was that your intent?

A: Absolutely that was my aim! When my daughter was first born, for her baptism, and for her first birthday, she was given a great many books. Often they depicted babies being fed … and all of those babies were being fed by either mother or father, sibling or grandparent, using a bottle, or feeding was simply signified via the image of a bottle. Not one of the books depicted the act, the normal, instinctive, natural act that is breastfeeding. […]

Unconditional Love and Gratitude Make Mothering Oh, So Much Easier!

by Wendy Sue Noah

When I was a busy professional, juggling multiple responsibilities on top of keeping up with my friends, my boyfriends, my social gatherings and my travels, I remember thinking what a good multi-tasker I was, to somehow keep all of this in order.

Those are now the days I look back on with envy for having so much “me” time. The days where I could focus on balancing work with so many other enjoyable activities. (You know what I am talking about here, right, Mothers?)

Yet, with this envy of my mostly unrestricted past, I would never substitute my life, now, as a single mother of five precious children (who I endearingly call, my “Tribe”). First and foremost, I get to enjoy unconditional love on steroids here! And so, with this impulse, I have so much more to share with the world than just my personal wants, needs and pleasures. […]

From Death to Life (A Mother’s Circle)

by Laura Jane Murphy

My sister and I were recently able to return my precious mother’s ashes to her birthplace.

Honoring her life, we traveled back to her hometown. This little dot on the map, reminiscent of “Mayberry,” N.C , was established in the eighteenth century by her ancestors.

Mom died almost four years ago. At the time of her passing, my sweet daughter was only ten. Losing her grandmother led to a profound questioning of her own heritage. I will never forget the moment when she spilled her guts out in pain. Grief unleashed the deep sorrow of loss and awareness that she was not of my blood.

In that rare moment of emotional release, crying and in between gasp for air, she asked, “Why? Why wasn’t I wanted?” And, added the sentence, “You don’t know MY PAIN.” […]

Who Teaches Us How to Love? Mom

by Barbara DiGangi

When I was a child, I remember my mother getting on the floor and playing Barbies with my sister and me. I admired the way she colored in coloring books – outlining the drawing and lightly coloring the inside. I appreciated how she comforted me (and got angry in my defense) numerous times when I came home from elementary school, crying after being bullied.

I miss the way she rubbed my head as I laid on her lap, how she braided my hair at night and how small I felt when she gave me a big bear hug.

As humans, none of us are perfect but there’s something about mothers. As little kids, we fall in love with our mothers – they are our superwomen. There’s an element of our mothers that will always feel just right – perfect – for us. It resides at our core. […]

Happy Mother’s Day, Heidi – From Your Husband, Mr. Mom

by Marc Parsont

There are some parents, both male and female, who do not want to have children. I respect their wishes completely.

It is not easy being a parent. As a matter of fact, we know that there are lots of lousy parents out there – certainly a lot of clueless ones.

I remember when we (young newlyweds, albeit old newlyweds, too) visited my brother and his family in Tucson. Heidi and I could not believe that anyone could raise children like that and not wind up in either an institution or in jail.

The snide comments and “suggestions” we made didn’t seem to go over too well. I don’t know why? Could the fact that we didn’t yet have children and didn’t have a clue, be the reasons? […]

Because I’m a New Mother and Because I Said So

by DeAnna Scott

I woke up these past several mornings seriously feeling like a truck had run over me. To make things worse my kids must have felt the same way too, but they can’t articulate what they are feeling. So what their runny noses didn’t say, their screaming did.

It’s one thing to have twins with colds. It is another, I think, to have toddler-twins with colds. Because trust me – the terrible twos don’t get better when they are sick – they just get worse and it is hard to deal with.

What will the world think of me? After all, aren’t I the woman that went thru tremendous trials to even have these twins; who cried tears of longing for the day I could even say, “My kids are sick.” […]