Commentary Archives - Page 7 of 72 - Mothering in the Middle

7 (Father’s Day) Tips for Honoring Fathers Not Living at Home

by Trish Ladogna and Rachel Ruby

Mothers are still more likely to get primary custody of children following divorce than fathers, leaving the majority of divorced fathers the “non-residential parents.” Fathers that, chances are, love their children very much and whose children love them, too.

Father’s Day can be particularly difficult for this set of dads whose contact with their children may be limited to every other weekend and/or summer vacations.

Unquestionably, fathers play an important part in their children’s lives, from birth through to adolescence, young adulthood and beyond. In recent years, there has been growing recognition of the significance of fathers, residential or otherwise, to families and to the behavioral, general health and well-being of their children’s life.

As Jeffrey Rosenberg and W. Bradford Wilcox found in their work, ‘The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children, children who experience an involved, caring father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings and, as they grow older, have better social connections and educational outcomes. […]

Dressing Daddy (That is, My Husband)

by Gina Broadbent

Twenty-eight years ago, the following were my husband’s five rules of fashion:

1. Beige is good; more beige is better, and a whole lot of beige is best – Most people identify red or green or even periwinkle as their favorite color. Not my husband, Jeff – he liked that nebulous not brown, not white shade of regurgitated oatmeal, known as beige. He liked it so much that in the pre-Gina era, 90% of his wardrobe was beige.

He had it all – beige golf shirts, beige (aka khaki) pants, beige sports jacket, even beige socks which he often wore simultaneously for an effect that what was, at best, underwhelming. There was an advantage (if one can call it that) to Jeff’s love affair with beige – his outfits never clashed. No danger of pink paired with red, no maroon mixed with orange. Only beige – bleak and boring beige. […]

The Difference Between Dad Privilege and Mom Privilege

by Adam Hall

Welcome to June! That time of year when we celebrate fathers and all of the things that they do to help out in the raising of their children. Although actually, “help out” makes it sound like they are not required to do any child raising and are strictly volunteering on a benevolent basis. “Hey, you didn’t have to do that! But thanks!”

This idea, that fathers are over-praised for doing the most basic of tasks (taking kids to the store, reading a bedtime story, living in the same house as the rest of the family), has led some to dismissively call out “Dad Privilege,” claiming that fathers have it much easier and don’t have to put in half the work mothers do to be deemed a success.

Let me be very clear. What you are thinking of as “Dad Privilege” has another name in the dad community. We call it “Mom Privilege.” […]

Father’s Day Always Sucked

by Theresa Turchin

Father’s Day is coming around again – the time of year that reminds me what a great dad my husband is (even though he drives me crazy sometimes with his overwhelming patience for our son, I just want to get stuff done and he takes his darn, sweet time)….anyway I’m off subject.

Father’s Day is also that time of year where I (you?) take a trip to the local drug store and stare blankly at cards that don’t relate to my relationship with my own dad.

“Thanks, Dad for always being there,” or, “He didn’t teach me how to live, he lived and let me watch him do it,” Or, “Dad, you held my hand and showed me the world.” I almost always end up wiping tears away.

It stinks, because I’m supposed to be over the fact that my dad wasn’t around much when I was growing up, and wasn’t there for me…. […]

A Shout Out To Dads Everywhere

by Melanie Elliott

Father’s Day is fast approaching. I’ve been thinking about the fathers of today – what fatherhood was like in the past and how dads have changed over the years. While thinking, my brain landed on the Showtime show Masters of Sex. It’s the story of William Masters and Virginia Johnson, and, of course, the study of sex.

Renowned gynecologist, William Masters, brilliantly portrayed by Michael Sheen, was so far removed from his child he couldn’t even change his diaper, pick up his crying child, or be there for his son in any way that provided emotional support, love or affection.

Now, this may be a dramatization (and a gross generalization), but there’s a part of me that thinks there’s some truth in this show as to how dads parented back in the late 1950s. Not all dads, but probably a large percentage of fathers. Parenting was for the wife and/or nanny (if you lived in an affluent home). […]

How Do I Feel About Father’s Day? (Thoughts from Mr. Mom)

by Marc Parsont

Let me start out by saying, “I HATE Father’s Day! What a waste of time, energy and money!

I don’t need breakfast in bed.

I can’t sleep longer than 6:30, anyway, because of the dog – my son’s dog, I might add.

I don’t want to go to brunch or dinner with or without the kids; Father’s Day is a fake holiday. […]

Letting Dads be Dads at Work This Father’s Day

by Lori Mihalich-Levin

A few weeks ago, I wrote about celebrating our mother colleagues at work on Mother’s Day. And the same, I believe, should go for dads. Both of these parental-celebration days are, for good reason, celebrated privately, among family. But there is no reason not to tout the merits of great moms and great dads at our places of employment, too.

I know, I know – studies have shown that women get a “motherhood penalty” at work and are suddenly perceived as less competent, while fathers get the so-called “fatherhood bonus” simply for having kids. These are biases that we, as a society need to work hard to educate ourselves about and to eradicate. […]

My Father By Any Other Name…

by Heather Griffiths

It doesn’t matter who your father was; it matters who I remember he was – Anne Sexton

What or rather who is a father? If you grew up in a Norman Rockwell painting, a father is depicted as someone who is there for you – supportive and attentive in every way; the “rule setter” – the stern but loving man who helped guide you into adulthood. The man who would give you away on your wedding day to the person you love.

For me, I grew up in a single-parent household with my mother and sisters. The person I knew to be my father was unsupportive – a staunch alcoholic rule-breaker in every sense of the word. Still, to this day, he has no idea when my birthday is. Yet, as a child he was my father. I grew up learning that I should love him and respect him, regardless. […]

Top 10 Reasons: Irrefutable Proof That Mr. H is a Great Dad

by Carmel Harrington

On my first date with Mr H, we sat drinking elaborate virgin cocktails, in the lounge of the swanky Fitzwilliam Bar on Stephens Green, Dublin. The cocktails had more fruit in them than a Carmen Miranda hat!

As we shyly shared details of our lives, I began to think that this guy could be special.

But then we had a little speed wobble. As in the wheels nearly came off the bus. As I airily declared that I wanted a man with no baggage, his face paled a little.

Feck (translation: oh, no!).

He quickly reassured me that his particular baggage didn’t include a wife, ex or otherwise, (good times), but he did have a three-year old daughter, from a previous relationship (bad times).

Feck. Feck.

[…]

For Father’s Day: An Homage to My Child’s Mother

by Stefan Kleinschuster

So, I was taking one of our wonderful walks with my crying kid through this dreamy California neighborscape. Sophie had fallen and scraped her hands – something she wouldn’t even balk at had she been at the park or further away from Her. But here, and after the fateful events of ten minutes ago, she was focused, you could say, on a certain (female) person.

I doubted the morale of our trip in the first place. Ten minutes before we were leaving Her, and after Her sweet kisses and soft looks, my daughter did an award–winning impression of an eternal goodbye with tears that would make a winged Oscar Committee cry into their leather seats. Blue eyes rimmed in red, platinum hair being blown by the foul wind of her Departure with Daddy, she wailed like Winslet. […]