Commentary Archives - Page 6 of 72 - Mothering in the Middle

Creating Warriors

by Cindy Weaver

I move through the world as a warrior now – stronger and more courageous than I ever knew possible, but also deeply wounded.

Sometimes, I stop and address my wounds. Other times, I have to keep moving or I know I will die. A warrior has to be strong, courageous and brave in the face of deep challenge. A warrior does not know how it’s going to play out, but pushes forward in the face of uncertainty.

The warrior hurts but continues to fight in order to get to a better place. The alternative to not being a warrior is to be consumed by the challenge.

Today, I received a picture from my daughter, Hope, taking a bath in the river, pouring water over her head. As the frigid water splashed over hair, her head was thrown back, her face shining with exuberant joy. One can only understand the depth of this joy by seeing the journey that she has faced, the rugged terrain traversed. […]

Kids Can Be Cruel, But Parents Can Be Worse

by Nicholas D'Ambra

My son has always loved to run and race. I remember when he was about three. We were at a park and he walked up to two kids about six years old and asked them if they wanted to race. They said no.

I could see the crestfallen look upon his face. He walked up to me and said, “No one wants to play with me, Daddy.” My heart sank.

I said that I would play with him and began racing him around the small playground. I was saddened by the older kids’ response. However, these children weren’t mean at all, just dismissive of a little boy they deemed too young. Nonetheless, to see your child looking so sad and rejected at the age of 3 is very difficult to witness.

What I didn’t realize was this was only the beginning. […]

23 Tips For My Blossoming (Nearly) Teenage Daughter

by Julie Scagell

My daughter will be a teenager soon. It’s frightening to think of all of the situations she may find herself in and challenges she will face on her own. There are so many things I want to tell her about what it means to be a decent, kind human-being. I trust in these lessons with a certainty I wish I’d know 20 years ago.

And, although I know the last thing she wants to do right now is listen to her mother, I desperately want to find a way to open her heart and let these words (and tips) sink in:

1-Worry, jealousy and guilt are wasted emotions.

2-Don’t be in a hurry to settle down. Travel the world, live alone at least once and learn how to manage your own finances first. […]

Three Tips for Choosing Resilience

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

To one degree or another, we’ve all suffered adversity and experienced setbacks. But have you heard about post-traumatic growth? You know, it’s always possible to bounce back.

Whether you’re hit in the face with a crisis or making a slow transition to the next chapter, expect a cascade of emotions–anxiety, the desire to hold on, fear, maybe even a sense of freedom. If you step back, take a deep breath and face the situation squarely, you can’t help but grow from the challenges:

Look into your part. You have a choice about how to see your situation at this moment and what attitude you want to assume. Try not to be a victim or feel helpless. And no matter who initiated what happened, don’t focus on accusation and blame. You can’t control others but you can change yourself. To work toward a more positive outcome, take whatever responsibility is yours and figure out what you need to do next. http://hermentorcenter.com/resources/building-resilience/new-normal-after-separation/

Look at yourself. Put on your detective hat and examine your present circumstances. Is the increase in stress due to finances, work, family or other relationships? Your reaction to problems can be compounded by events that are outside of your control. http://hermentorcenter.com/resources/building-resilience/earthquake-tsunami-meltdown/ Take charge of what is within your reach. And begin to assess how to improve your competency in areas such as management, communication, delegation or conflict resolution. Track the changes you’re working on as you integrate them into your emotional toolbox.

Look for an action plan. Explore the cause and effects of the issues you’re confronting. Whether it’s about the end of your marriage, the loss of a job or the death of a loved one, http://hermentorcenter.com/resources/building-resilience/rochette-courage-despite-loss/ set some long range […]

Up Close and Personal: The Joys of Turning 50 – The Colonoscopy

by Melanie Elliott

I turned 50 this past December. It was one of the best days of my life. My husband and son showered me with love and affection. I received phone calls from family and friends, and got lots of Facebook love. Topping the evening off was dinner out with Tom and one of my BFFs, Peggy and her husband Jimmy. It was definitely a day to remember. Leading up to it I was excited, and also pensive.

If I’m lucky, I’ll have lived half or a little over half my life and at some point I’ll probably write about how I’d prefer to spend the next half. On turning 50, one thing I knew for certain was that I’d hear from the AARP and I’d need to get a colonoscopy.

My husband had one a couple years ago and I knew what to expect. Drinking lots of liquids and spending a lot of time in the bathroom. Everyone says the preparation is the worst. Well, I’m here to say it wasn’t so bad.

[…]

The Art of Fatherhood

by Nancy LaMar-Rodgers

Dads on Duty

These days, it seems that dads have taken on a more prominent role when it comes to raising the kids. Dads are not just showing up at baseball or soccer games but are attending the parent/teacher conferences and sometimes even making the play date arrangements.

Where has this new sense of fatherhood stemmed from? What role reversal has evolved in the new millennium that has made it politically correct for men to even don the new fangled breast feeding devices that, up until a few years ago, that duty, by nature, was for moms only?

Old School Parenting

My own father was a child of The Great Depression. And, when I asked him once what his father did for a living, his response was, “whatever he could, kid.” His reply made me realize how many generations of fathers never had the luxury of truly participating in a child’s life. These dads of the early and mid part of the 20^th century, who racked up long hours and put in enough overtime as it took to afford the bicycle at Christmas time or new baseball glove. […]

The Forever Fatherhood of Fame (A Tribute to My Father)

by Lynn Reilly

If you were to meet my father in person, you would not call him trendy, ahead of the times, or progressive. He would not stand out in any way other than a warm, welcoming smile that makes you wonder what’s behind it. His classic Dockers, or jeans and white sneakers with a polo shirt would quickly categorize him as the conservative businessman he is. He is polite and friendly, but not overly friendly.

He is considerate, but likes things run his way. He acknowledges himself as unique, but really, he just blends into a crowd. You wouldn’t meet my father and know he raised two kids primarily on his own. You wouldn’t know the mother of his children spent the majority of their marriage in and out of treatment for a mental illness that disabled her on many levels.

You wouldn’t know when he finally left the marriage it was because the roller coaster had no end in sight and there was nothing left that he hadn’t tried to make it work. You also wouldn’t know the intense pain and regret he felt when the woman he vowed to love forever, eventually took her own life. […]

The Last Conversation with Dad

by Lydia Chiappetti

When my dad died last year, the head of his senior living facility asked, “What was it like to grow up with your father?” She had experienced firsthand his take-no- prisoner’s style. Dad was a tough man, endearing only to his children and grandchildren. My mother, who had waited on him hand and foot for 60 years, would never have called him endearing.

With my mother’s passing, I became his gal Friday: cook, cleaner, driver, financial planner and gardener. Oh yes, almost forgot, companion as well. The only problem was that I lived ninety minutes away. I still jump when the phone rings, wondering if it’s Dad with his usual inquiry. “Where are you?” A gravelly voice on the other end demands, “I need you now!”

After hanging up, I would rush down the interstate to clean up the flooded basement or to fill out financial forms. When my duties were fulfilled, his voice would soften and say, “Thank you, Sweetheart.” I don’t seem to recall him ever thanking my mother for all she had done. Somehow, he had found a bit of tenderness in his late eighties. […]

My Father’s Hand

by Judith Lee Herbert

I

I look up to see my father,
towering above me.
He takes my hand, and as we go
through the turnstile, I am excited
by my first ride with him on the subway. […]

A Letter To My Husband On Father’s Day

by Jo-Ann Rogan

Dear Elliott:

You declared for months, after our oldest Ryan was born, that you are a Dad, someone’s Dad! You came to parenting reluctantly, as you do so much in life. For my whole pregnancy, you would say over and over, I don’t get why people have kids and I am not sure I can do this. Now, over a decade in, I am here to say, you are an incredible father. […]