Commentary Archives - Page 5 of 72 - Mothering in the Middle

Our Summer Vacation

by Jo-Ann Rogan

We are a typical family, Mom, Dad, two boys. I work part-time so that I am around for my kids, I was vice president of the PTA in school last year, and I am on the board of directors of my kids swim team.

We live in a lovely little urban neighborhood where it is possible for my kids to play outside by themselves and they know many of the names of the dogs and owners who pass our house on their way to the park and we are not beyond a “deck night” with the neighbors. All just ordinary stuff, the only thing that makes us different is my husband and I are in a hardcore punk band together.

The band was active in the 90’s and we spend the better part of a decade on the road until I discovered I was pregnant at the ripe age of 38. After the band had fiery break up, I moved on with the guitarist to marriage, parenthood, and middle age. […]

How “Awe” Trumps Awful During Summer

by Rosemary Lichtman Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg Ph.D.

Visiting the Grand Canyon may be one of the most “awe-full” places on earth. The sense of grandeur that radiates there during the day is nearly matched by the millions of stars that light up the otherwise black nights. It can provide a respite from truly awful news in the world.

But, amidst any stress you may be facing, are you looking for other, easier ways to center yourself and regain your equilibrium? Stuck home during the summer, but still need fun and relief?

Here are 5 easy things you can turn to when seeking serenity:

Nature. If you can’t squeeze in a quick trip to the Grand Canyon or another National Park, check out your local sunrise or sunset. These scenes can be spectacular this time of year and the quiet is settling. Leaves changing color provide a backdrop of scarlet beauty with a hint of the soundless carpet of snow coming soon. The rhythm of the ocean or starkness of the desert provides its own sense of wonder. […]

Helping Your Kids Find Fitness

by Alyssa Royse

My husband and I own a gym. Our daughter, Celia, has been hanging out there for years. Sometimes she worked out, sometimes she didn’t. But she was around it, watching all sorts of people work hard, in all sorts of ways.

We never pushed it one way or another. If anything, I tried to steer her away from taking fitness too seriously, what with the constant messaging to teenage girls that they should be slim and sexy and…. We just let her hang out there. When she felt like giving it a shot, we simply let her.

Last weekend, she won a Silver Medal at the USA Weightlifting Youth Nationals. I was the last person who expected that, and I sure as hell didn’t push for it. […]

How To Create A Summer (& Lifestyle) Of Grand Adventures Without Grand Expense

by Wendy Sue Noah

“Oh NO!!!” screeched the single mom with a tribe of five (that’s me). “It’s summertime again, and my kids will be home bored and hungry for 2 ½ months. We will be driving one another crazy, and my workload is fuller than ever, and, and, and…”

Sound familiar? This is how my summer started, like many before. In my summer article last year, I was asking readers to help give me ideas or suggestions, so that I could make it through! This year, I decided to take the bull by the horns.

What do I mean by that? I decided to be as pro-active as possible – a lifestyle choice of mine – but this time, I applied it to my tribe’s summer home, and reached out to find adventures and activities for all of them. […]

It Must Be Me (Living With Parental Self-Doubt)

by Meredith Silversmith

Do you ever feel like it shouldn’t be this hard? Like it’s not normal to face the challenges, aggression, opposition, and tears every day?

Do you sometimes feel like it must be you?

There are reasons for this.

Our kids’ behavior is very personal. Their actions don’t happen lightheartedly or in an attempt to achieve a particular, short-term outcome. Intense emotions, often from past experiences, are driving their more challenging behaviors. We sense this intensity, especially when it’s directed at us. Sometimes, the anger, shame, or sadness is projected onto you – the parent, the closest person to them, the safety net. […]

(Navigating the Waters of) Getting Your Kid’s First Passport

by Marc Parsont

Getting a passport for your children makes Putin, Castro, Kim Song Il and Dentists seem like a walk in the park, a day at the beach or anything that could actually be called pleasant.

Our first experience with a passport for our son, five years ago, had both my wife and me dancing with apoplexy. We went to the post office, where, after waiting for 20 minutes with no information, we were told we had to make an appointment three months later. Pity the poor postmaster that day.

My son’s head snapped back and forth Grand Slam style as first my wife and then I worked him over. Didn’t help, but we felt better and we visited the postmaster in recovery.

[…]

Gender Roles in Stepfamilies: How Traditional Thinking Sets You Up to Fail

Trisha Ladogna and Rachel Ruby

No matter where you fall on the feminist continuum, there is no denying traditional gender roles exist. We all know them. Men go to work and are breadwinners. Women stay at home and are caretakers.

What you may not know is that these types of gender roles wreak havoc on stepfamilies. They also set stepmothers up to fail. And, believe it or not, we all have a role to play in setting the trap.

Your Partner’s Role

Following divorce, separation or death, children and their dads transition and adjust to living together on their own. Many times this can mean a father taking on tasks that he didn’t previously do – like picking his children up from school or organizing play dates.

Most children find that they enjoy this time with their dad. In fact, Sarah Allen PhD, and Kerry Daly, PhD, found in their research study titled “The Effects of Father Involvement,” that both children and fathers do better when dads are actively involved in their children’s lives. […]

Just Before Two Years/Six Months/Five Days and a Handful of Hours – Ago

by Stefan Kleinschuster

What do I do here, in Hollywood, with the V-Word? Backstory: (Before Kid) I remember scores of parents everywhere talking about their children. Sorry, that’s a lie. I don’t remember scores of parents saying anything. That would have required caring about what parents were saying, and I remember a decade or two, maybe four or so, when I didn’t much care what they said.

Apart from that, I do recall them asking things in plangent tones like, “‘What are we teaching our children about the world?” and other sayings that felt a good deal like whining at the time.

Back then – about two years, six months, five days and a handful of hours (that is, before Sophie was born) – I could not have cared less about what we were teaching our children. Especially, about the V-Word. No, get your minds out of the bedrooms. I meant Violence. It’s no big deal, right? Especially since it’s everywhere? […]

Feeling Very Mortal – The Tale Of a Weekend Warrior

by Lydia Chiappetti

Sprawled in the middle of the road, my son kneeling beside me, I asked, “Why are you home from college?” Not sure if I had said this out loud or merely thought it, I watched his face for signs of understanding. It hurt to keep my eyes open. But in those short seconds I saw the fright in his eyes.

“Mom, I graduated two years ago. I’m home for the 4^th of July. Remember?”

Fuzzy- headed and aching in every joint, I replayed what might have happened. How strange not to be in charge. It was a reversal to be on the receiving end of my son’s concern. He had never seen me in such a weakened state. I prided myself on being invincible, at least in his eyes. […]

Addressing (My) Parenthood Guilt

by Lynn Reilly

Parent’s guilt. I’m not even sure when it officially begins, but it could be as early as when first looking into your child’s eyes and knowing that life will never be the same. That moment when imagining what it was going to be like to hold the responsibility of caring for someone else. The “shoulds” begin almost immediately with the thought of how we want things to be.