Commentary Archives - Page 46 of 72 - Mothering in the Middle

Listen and Be Heard

by Jennifer Magnano

Women – nurturers – are the most resilient beings in the Universe. Yet, no matter if you are in an aesthetically pleasing state, at the top of your career, happily mothering, or within the most profoundly loving relationship, you may tell yourself otherwise. Most likely, you tell yourself that you could be more or do more.

I know this because I shared this affliction. Raised to believe that I was never enough, I strove every day to be more than enough. It was not until my knees met the earth of my temporary dwelling place – a damp and musty basement – that I experienced an awakening. An old soul with cells full of trauma, I came to this place in wonder. Had my time expired? We all have these moments, if only we move out of the mind. If only we pause to notice our own heart beating… or breaking… and if only we listen. […]

Musings…

by Josie Iselin

EXPERT

A friend came over the other day with her one-year-old. She was struggling to feed her squirmy child and I instinctively held out an extra spoon for the little fist to grab.

“Every mother knows you need two spoons when feeding a one-year-old,” I thought. “One for baby, one for mom.”

But not everyone does know that simple rule. Hey, I’m an expert!

But an expert at a chapter of parenting that is past. I’m floundering to find the simple rules for where I am now and glimpsing what’s to come with awe and wary anticipation. I’ll only become an expert after that part of the story is wrapped up — like the year of photos neatly edited into an album and set on the shelf. (2006)

www.JosieIselin.com

Untangling the Web: The Internet’s Transformative Impact on Adoption

Dear Reader: This is a fascinating “read,” especially for those people deeply entrenched or working within the adoption community. Here’s the synopsis and a link to the material –

“Untangling the Web: The Internet’s Transformative Impact on Adoption” is the initial publication of a multiyear research project on the subject by the Donaldson Adoption Institute. Its key findings include:

There is a growing “commodification” of adoption on the web, replete with dubious practices, and a shift away from the perspective that its primary purpose is to find families for children.
Finding birth relatives is becoming increasingly easy and commonplace, with significant institutional and personal implications, including the likely end of the era of “closed” adoption.
A growing number of young adoptees are forming relationships with birth relatives, sometimes without their adoptive parents’ knowledge and usually without guidance or preparation.
A rising number of websites offer useful, positive resources and expedite the adoption of children and youth who need families, notably including those with special needs.
http://adoptioninstitute.org/research/2012_12_UntanglingtheWeb.php

Found In…

“Why I’m Having My First Baby At 51”

It wasn’t so much the eleventh hour as five to midnight. We had two
embryos left in the freezer of a fertility clinic and, by March, I’d be
too old to receive them. With two miscarriages and four previous
attempts at IVF embryo transfers, it felt like a futile mission,
but in February, my partner, Pete, and I decided to give the
dice one last roll.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/nov/09/

having-first-baby-at-51

“The Feminist Fertility Myth: Why Do Women Believe They Can Delay Children For So Long?”

Judith Shulevitz’s excellent and disturbing meditation
on older parents in the New Republic raises the question
of whether fertility treatments and other technologies
extending women’s procreative years should be regarded
as an unmitigated “feminist triumph.”

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/roiphe/2012/12/older_parents

_are_fertility_treatments_a_good_idea.html

It’s A Scrunchy, Not a Scrungy?

by Marc Parsont

My daughter loves wearing those “Scrungy” things in her thick, beautiful, curly long toffee- colored hair. Both our current Bolivian and former Brazilian au pair take those beautiful locks and twist, twine and twirl those tresses into works of art. (Men: Don’t try this at home without female supervision.)

Image courtesy of www.endoflow.com

[…]

Misery Loves Company – A Mom’s Up and Down Journey

by Jane Samuel

This morning when I should have been tending to any number of things I hopped on Facebook. I knew I owed a few friends a recipe and was on my way to look up who in my messages tab when I decided to scroll down and see what was new on the “block.” Since I only manage to get on Facebook about twice a week for a grand total of ten minutes – no, I am not cool –there is usually a lot new.

Amid the save-this-animal, clap-for-that-child, and find-this-funny was MotheringintheMiddle’s post: Misery Loves Company. Ah, this same tune had been playing over and over in my mind since 2013 poked its head in the door.

Misery sure does love company. […]

Toilet Training Children with Special Needs

by Julia Garstecki

Toilet training any child is frustrating. The number of light up musical potties, DVDs devoted to the task, and sticker charts available for purchase indicate parents’ desperation for success. Toilet training a child with a disability can be a whole new ballgame, and depending on the disability, it requires patience, endurance, and creativity. In our case, it even involved a custom toilet specific to my son’s size made with love by Grandpa! […]

Tips for Good Dental Care in Middle Age

by Dr. Carolyn Schweitzer D.D.S.

One of the many challenges of mothering in midlife is coping with declining hormone levels just as our tween’s hormones are beginning to surge. But there’s another less talked-about health issue that shows up in middle age. As a dentist and mid-life mom myself, I deal with it daily. It’s the fact that our most complex and costly dental problems usually arise after we reach 40. […]

Moms: What’s Age Got to Do with It? (Found In…South Asian Parent)

by Dhara Thakar Meghani

Word on the street (and on the web¹, in doctor’s offices, and generally everywhere) is that there is a high chance for pregnancy complications, miscarriage, genetic disorders, and health risks for women who have babies in their mid-thirties and beyond.

On many medical charts, women over 35 have been referred to as “elderly,” “old,” and certainly, “high risk².” The message about the risks of pregnancy after 35 is so strong in fact, that the anxiety it creates could make any woman approaching that age balk at the idea of ever having a baby at all. […]

Baby It’s Cold Outside

by Maggie Lamond Simone

This winter, I’ve decided, has been a lot like childbirth.

I don’t mean in the classic sense, obviously, because it hasn’t physically caused me to scream obscenities at complete strangers for hours on end (well, not often, anyway) and it hasn’t lasted nine months (yet), but rather in a more metaphysical sense – in the way that people seem to deal with them both. […]