Commentary Archives - Page 41 of 72 - Mothering in the Middle

there’s no place like hOMe

by Jenilyn Gilbert

I’ve been practicing meditation on and off for thirty seven years. I started my practice at six (or whatever age I was when I was playing with my Wizard of Oz dolls, because they came with me to my first lesson).

My parents brought me to a meditation center where a nice lady gave me a mantra to practice. The mantra I was given was the classic sound “Om” and I was to say it as many times as my age, so six times. When I got home, I recall chanting on my swing in the backyard and saying “Om” out loud and losing count as I enjoyed the vibration of the sound in my chest. […]

Have You Become a Midlife Concert-Goer?

by Nancy Davis Kho

It’s funny how people over thirty but under fifty tend to deny that the term “midlife” applies to them yet. I understand that impulse, but I also understand actuarial tables. Still, there is a fail-safe way to figure out whether you’ve officially hit midlife yet: by dint of your concert-going behaviors.

I’ve devised this easy test to help you figure it out!

1) Upon learning that a band you love is coming to town for a show, but is scheduled to play at a venue that is General Admission (standing room only), do you:

a) Get a thrill of excitement that you’ll be able to dance and hope that the crowd will be as pumped up as you?

b) Groan inwardly and scan other local tour dates in case any of them offer, you know, chairs? You’ll gladly pay more for the privilege. […]

Redefining Beauty and Brains (as a Middle-Aged Hippie)

by Beverley Golden

When I was much younger people saw me as being so beautiful or so smart. Some who knew me very well, actually saw both. I strove at all costs to have my intellect be recognized as my principle asset and, heaven forbid, someone would relate to me as “just another pretty face.”

To some degree that worked. I left high school early and went to play with a large group of boys at university, who were all eager to make their mark in the big bad world of business. On graduation, I was awarded the gold medal as the outstanding graduate from a class of 400 business students. Not bad considering only ten of us were women. […]

The Myths and Realities of Open Adoption

by Deborah Siegel, Ph.D, LICSW

Image courtesy of www.Lavenderluz.com

Dear Reader: I first became interested in open adoption in 1985 when, in my clinical practice, I worked with two little guys adopted from foster care. These boys, ages 7 and 8, were tormented by unanswered questions about their first mother, “Susie,” who suffered from mental illness and drug addiction.

Susie’s parental rights had been involuntarily terminated due to her abusive neglect of her young sons. A loving couple had recently adopted the boys, yet the kids continued to struggle; hence, their referral for psychotherapy with me, an adoption specialist. The boys could not understand why they could have no contact whatsoever with Susie, as they worried endlessly about whether or not she was still alive, or if they would ever see her again. Listening to my young clients, I too wondered why it would be so awful for them to at the very least be able to contact Susie by mail.

Bewildered and curious myself, I looked at the adoption literature at the time. I read a lot of beliefs about how secrecy was necessary. But I found little if any research data to support these beliefs.

Thus began my two decade long study of families living with open adoptions. In 1988 I identified 22 families who had just adopted an infant in open adoptions, and I have re-inteviewed these families every seven years since then in order to find out what open adoption is like, from the perspective of those who are living in it. The infants in that study are now young adults, able […]

Musings…

by Josie Iselin

Knitting

Knitting gives me a sense of accomplishment, of getting somewhere. If I’ve done nothing else during the day —

except, of course, the loads of laundry, food prep, child pick-up, logistical phone calls,

homework help, birthday present acquisition, and what-all —

at least I’ve completed a few rows and the scarf gets a little longer before the day is chalked up.

www.JosieIselin.com

Cyma Shapiro Interviews the Authors of The Mother’s Wisdom Deck

Q: Good Day, Niki. Thanks much for our time together. As a creator of Mothering with Soul, you have a unique, purposeful message. Tell me a little more about yourself, your collaborators, and your combined mission.

A: Thanks for having us, Cyma. It is an honor to connect with other midlife moms. As I was sharing with you, The Mother’s Wisdom Deck and Mothering with Soul largely grew out of our desire to marry our pre-motherhood life experiences and spiritual growth with the path of motherhood. Co-author Elizabeth Marglin (44), illustrator Jenny Kostecki-Shaw (38) and I (40) have each spent a lot of time traveling, studying with wisdom teachers around the globe, and contributing to the world as professional women.

Speaking for myself, I was totally unprepared for the changes that motherhood would bring. When I became pregnant, I was in the midst of a project to document the wisdom of indigenous elder women and thought that I would be able to continue my work with a baby on my back. My son had other plans. I can laugh now at my naïveté, but moreover I am grateful for how motherhood has enriched my life in ways that I never could have planned. Motherhood is about surrendering to something greater than myself and seeing what wants to unfold. The Mother’s Wisdom Deck supports that process of letting go and tuning in. […]

All You Need Is Love (In Honor of Gay Pride Month)

by Maggie Lamond Simone

All you need is love. That song’s been in my head lately as we enter yet another wedding season, at once the most-loved and most-hated season of the year … depending how you feel about love at the moment. I’ve decided to embrace it this year, because I’ve seen – and continue to see – what love can do.

Twenty-five years ago, at the height of the AIDS crisis, my uncle was succumbing to the virus. We didn’t know he was gay, and we didn’t know he was HIV-positive until he became ill. That was the way in many homes back then; if it was talked about at all, it was in hushed tones, and certainly not in front of the children. […]

How to Create Special Family Vacations

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

“Summertime and the living is easy” – so said George and Ira Gershwin. There’s just something about the warm sun, blue skies and late evenings that makes us want to ease up, have a change of scenery and leave our day-to-day work world behind. […]

Mush Brain Ramblings (A Commentary on New Older Motherhood)

by Ellie Stoneley

The whole issue of my age as a mother has never really bothered me. It is a miracle that I have Hope in my world and that both of us are healthy, happy and having such a wonderful time getting to know each other.

I don’t think of myself as an ‘old mother,’ simply as a mother. And, as such, I strive to be the best mother I can be. Nothing more complex – just doing my best for an amazing little girl and doing all I can to ensure that she has a secure and happy life. I think that’s as much as any mother can do and generally what most mothers – old, young or in-between aim for. […]

Old = Dirty? (A Commentary on the UK’s First Response Campaign)

by Elizabeth Gregory

Dear Reader: This commentary is in response to a new ad campaign in Britain sponsored by the pregnancy testing company First Response, which warns young women that their childbearing years are numbered. You can find related articles on midlifemothers/facebook.

One of the nice things about being an older mom is the friendly comments you get: just this morning a 29-year old I’d just met remarked apropos of nothing in particular that I didn’t look 55. She hoped she’d look like me when she was my age!

Maybe she was lying, but she had no particular reason to. More likely she was just telling me that I looked a lot better than she’d expected for the elderly mother of an 8 year old. It’s not hard to succeed in that territory. Who am I to turn down a compliment? […]