Commentary Archives - Page 39 of 72 - Mothering in the Middle

On Failure, Forgiveness and Cutting Ourselves Some Slack

by Peg O'Neill, M.D.

Dear Reader: This is a reprint of a previous post.

We forgot about “Gotcha Day.” In the world of adoptive families, this is a significant faux-pas. “Gotcha Day” is the celebration of bringing a non-biologic child into the family. For us, it commemorates the day our family became whole; the day that my husband and I were given the gift of our precious child and entered the challenging world of raising multiple boys, with all the craziness, motion, joy and exhaustion.

For my older son, it was the day he became a sibling and began his journey as a big brother. For my adoptive son, though he was just six months old when he joined our family forever, it is akin to a birthday – a momentous event, a beginning, a symbol of who he is, at least in part. […]

Everyman Likes Stats…NOT!!! (A Commentary on the Commentary About Mr. Mom)

by Marc Parsont

Image courtesy of Mr. Mom, the movie

Dear Reader: This is a recent Millenial Influx commentary on Mr. Mom(s) and our own Mr. Mom – Marc Parsont’s response –

“Is Mr. Mom home? If you’re asking this question today in 2013, you are more likely to hear a positive answer than you would have 10 years ago. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the number of stay-at-home dads has doubled over the past decade. Why the increase in stay-at-home dads? There are many speculations as to why the number is rising. A study done by Boston College found that although popular speculation may lead us to conclude that dads are staying home more because of the recession, it is actually found that the increase of dads at home may be due to evolving gender roles and choices that our society is making.”

http://www.millennialinflux.com/the-rise-of-mr-mom/ […]

Summer Beauty of Mid-Life

by Lori Pelikan Strobel

The deck is a nice place to sit and drink in the view, as well as to drink a nice glass of wine. It gives me a bird’s eye view of everyone who is either in the cottage, on the lawn, in the water or on the dock. The air smells like summer; of suntan lotion and warm breezes. Ripples of diamonds sparkle on top of the water as the sun smiles down and I feel its heat.

From this spot I can only see a snippet of the lake, which entrances me. My family’s second home is here in the beautiful Berkshires. The brown Adirondack chairs sit on the lush lawn like sentinels guarding the treasure beyond. The trees sway lightly and I hear the birds chirp, lawnmowers whir, boats whizz, and my daughters inside still deciding which bathing suit to wear. […]

Daycare Director

by Andrea Lynn

I had the most disarmingly honest conversation with the director of Anna’s new preschool yesterday. Like all good preschools around here, there had been a long waiting list. I didn’t have a hope of getting in. But I lamented to a mom friend about my hopeless hunt for good childcare, and, God bless her, she leaned in and said “You know, I might be able to help.” There might be a spot, she said, at her daughter’s preschool, as she graduated to public school. Did I want her to put a word in? Oh yes, please. […]

Needing Our Mothers At Mid-Life

by Susan Paget

For those of you who are midlife moms to little kids, you might want to skip this blog because I’ve got another dose of reality to toss your way and I know you’ve already got enough on your plate.

If you’re still here, brace yourself.

There’s no expiration date to this “mom” thing. […]

Cyma Shapiro Interviews Liz Raptis Picco, Author of Stretch Marks

Dear Reader: I’m so pleased to present one of our own writers on the launch of her new book, Stretch Marks. Welcome Liz. I’m so happy to interview you and offer your story our readers. You are such a special person!

Q: Your book chronicles your nearly 20-year journey to motherhood – one littered with disappointing and painful experiences, repeated slammed-doors, and a litany of failed attempts at conceiving and adopting. Although you triumph in the end, the reader can’t help but feel helpless as they follow you along. I was so intensely struck by the sheer pain, grief, and loss you endured along the way. Can you talk more about your fervent desire and determination to become a mother?

A: Ironically, I hadn’t a desire to become a mother until my mid-thirties. After I’d married, then it was like lightening struck and everything else in life paled by comparison. It became a mission. I wanted into the inner circle along with my prolific mother, sisters, cousins, and friends. I’m also stubborn and hardheaded and when I want something, I go after it.

Q: The transparency and rawness of your (range of) emotions, while trying to achieve motherhood, will strike a chord with so many midlife mothers who themselves have hidden and unspoken experiences of defeat. What compelled you to write this book? Why were you so willing to expose yourself in this manner?

A: I wrote the book, thanks to my husband, who hounded me for years to tell my stories and would remind me I was a writer. I’d been so overwhelmed with two toddlers that cobwebs had shrouded my computer. When I finally […]

The Birthing of Our Adoption (A Pre-Adoption Story)

by Denise Naus

There is a lot of focus during the adoption process on the children being adopted – as well there should be. They are only little children, after all, and going through circumstances they didn’t ask for or deserve. They are the ones making so many new changes – a new home, new family, and a new language.

But adoption doesn’t just affect the adopted children. It affects every single person in the family, and even reaches to the extended family and friends. For me, this journey has been three and one-half years of longing, torment, excitement and wondering.

I know it is difficult to understand until you have been through the adoption process. Know how one’s heart can fall in love with a child before they are in your family. How you can grieve for them and ache for them, when all you’ve seen is a photo (if that). […]

Should We Take The Only Thing They Have Left?

by John Simmons

Perhaps we should. My wife and I decided that it was the right thing to change our children’s names as we adopted them. This happened across the board, from Jack, who was only a month old when he joined our family, clear up to Emily who was fifteen.

That really upsets some people. My kids? Not so much. Recently a mom-blogger voiced her disagreement and so I decided to find out what my adopted children really thought. We had never talked about it before. […]

What I Do

by Joely Johnson Mork

People ask me what I do. Sometimes, I find myself groping for an answer. I will admit to having referred to myself as a “writer.” That simple answer works as well as “editor” or “late-in-life mommy” or “that 40-something woman married to that 30-something guy.”

I have, in fact, been published on numerous occasions, so you would think I must find time to write on a regular basis. But there are so many other things I do that define me. […]

How to Love Your Kidults by Letting Go

By Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

Are you a loving but hovering parent? Parents typically are raising fewer children today and have actively pursued an only-the-best policy from infancy on. So far, the progeny of Helicopter Parents have reaped the benefits from some of these advantages. Record numbers are attending college and the rate of teenage pregnancy is down. […]